The Zarbon and Vegeta Saga
by Karatelover
Summary: The naive and still young Zarbon is the only person on the Frieza Force that tries to befriend the young and arrogant Prince of Sayains in this collection of stories, but Vegeta hates him and probably always will.   Featuring Cui, Appule and Frieza with appearances by Dodoria, Liya 'OC' , Shasha 'OC' , also appearing Zarbon's younger sister Miretta 'OC'  ...ex-betrothed to Vegeta!
1. Chapter 1

_A Royal Engagement, Broken Forever_

Zarbon was doing a karate lesson with Kiwi who is hiding behind a bunch bag, Kiwi was a little afraid because Zarbon was being extra rough this time, "Please slow down Zarbon, I'm not a professional trainer or anything!" Kiwi said.

"I have to kick his ass one of these days! I have to!" Zarbon said punching the bag and then falling down exhausted.

"See this is exactly what happens when you fight to fast, you get so enraged that you fall flat on your butt!" Kiwi said.

"I want to murder him in cold blood, but Miretta said that she would get hit if I did!" Zarbon said.

"There is pretty much nothing you can do about your sister's situation, at least King Vegeta is dead, and I was terrified when I heard that he was enraged at Freezer!" Kiwi said.

"Yah, but I know this is going to sound so lame but I kind of feel badly for Vegeta." Zarbon said.

"Why? He's an aggressive little shit that has been nothing but rude to you the day that you two met." Kiwi said.

"Yes it's true, but he can't help it Sayains are very primitive." Zarbon said.

"Primal changelings are too. That includes you." Kiwi said.

"When the Sayains all find out that King Vegeta is dead, who knows what will happen to us?" asked Zarbon.

"I'm terrified of Sayains, they're mean and aggressive and when they have sex they are twice as aggressive, chewing on your head like a Tasmanian devil does when they mate!" Kiwi said.

"How would you know anything about having sex with a Sayain?" asked Zarbon.

"Oh no reason at all." Kiwi said looking nervous.

"Wait you had sex with one didn't you?" asked Zarbon.

"The women are hot, especially the dark skinned ones." Kiwi said purring.

"Kiwi you're disquieting, Freezer doesn't want me to touch those savage monkeys." Zarbon said.

All the sudden the intercom came on and it was Freezer's voice, "Zarbon report to my personal office please and thank you!" Freezer said.

"Well I guess I better go." Zarbon said.

Zarbon went into the office, Freezer was sitting down, "What's the problem?" asked Zarbon.

Freezer the sighed, "Mr. Shasha tells me that you haven't been training with him lately, tell me why?" asked Freezer.

"Because I got a new trainer." Zarbon said.

"Why did you do such a thing?" asked Freezer.

"Because I thought that Shasha was a little too mean to me and that I needed someone more accepting of my uniqueness." Zarbon said.

"How the hell are you that unique?" asked Freezer.

"Well for starters, I don't like to get sweaty, I mean do you know how badly I smell when I get all sweaty?" asked Zarbon.

"Enough of the lame excuses, I would then like to know who you got a trainer." Freezer said.

"I got Kiwi as a trainer." Zarbon said.

Freezer started laughing, "Him? Are you shitting me? Kiwi is a loser; all he does is mope around all day and does nothing unless he goes on a mission or something." Freezer said.

"Well he's really good, he just doesn't transform is all." Zarbon said.

"Well then what exactly did you hire him as your trainer for?" asked Freezer.

"Hum how do I put this, he's a great friend and…." Before Zarbon could finish, Freezer interrupted.

"Kiwi knows nothing about training people! How about this, I could use your skills right now for something even more important!" Freezer said.

"Ok what?" asked Zarbon.

"I needed you to conjure up a bunch of demons for a new henchman of mine to fight." Freezer said.

"Why demons? Demons are dangerous, mother doesn't want me to conjure demons up." Zarbon said.

"Zarbon how could your mother be telling you anything if she's been dead since you were three?" asked Freezer.

"Because I can talk to her ghost." Zarbon said.

"Look I don't believe in ghosts, but I do believe that you have powers and I believe in demons, so I would like you to do it please!" Freezer said.

"Fine who is this new person that is supposed to fight these demons anyways?" asked Zarbon.

All the sudden the sliding doors opened, it was none other than Prince Vegeta, he was at least thirteen years old if I were to guess, he frowned when he saw Zarbon, Zarbon's eyes grew wide and he turned to Freezer, "Sir he seems kind of young to be taking on demons." Zarbon said.

Vegeta got mad, "Zarbon you are neither my father nor my master, I will not let you treat me like a slave, you are so bossy and vain and it bothers me!" Vegeta said.

"What I just said that I think you're a little too young to be messing with stuff that you know nothing about, I'm not trying to boss you around either! What gives you the idea that I try to treat you as a slave anyways?" asked Zarbon.

"Ok enough bickering you two, please get to conjuring those demons up now!" Freezer said.

"But sir…." Zarbon tried to finish his sentence, but then Freezer interrupted.

"Zarbon do it or you will die!" Freezer said.

"Oh damn it!" Zarbon said.

So in the room Zarbon had a talisman on, a robe and some wine, then he drew a sorcerer's circle in the middle of the floor, meanwhile Vegeta was watching him and taping his foot, "Are you done yet?" asked Vegeta.

"Hold on you mustn't rush dark magic, I didn't want to do this, but no Freezer makes me do anything he tells me to do!" Zarbon said.

"I could care less about your bitching Zarbon; I want to fight some demons now!" Vegeta said.

"Ok hold on!" Zarbon said. He all the sudden stepped into the middle of the circle and poured some blood onto the floor from a small bicker.

"Ew it involves blood?" asked Vegeta.

"Hold on don't rush me," Zarbon said.

Zarbon then stood up and held a knife in his right hand, "EGO dico super atrum deus Contemno accerso ut mihi everto of vengence! EGO dedi vos nonnullus goat cruor! Procedo of everto dimention quod addo vestri continuo! Beatus is exsisto!" yelled Zarbon.

"Ok this is taking too long where the hell are those stupid demons?" asked Vegeta all the sudden bolt of lightning hit the middle of the floor and then appeared at least twelve demons looking for a good fight.

"Good luck little Sayain you need it!" Zarbon said sitting in the middle of the circle.

All the sudden the demons showed their fangs to Vegeta, but Vegeta was not terrified, he was afraid of almost nothing, "I'll now use my ultimate Sayain power!" he said.

He then cracked his knuckles and tried to beat the crap out of one of the demons, but found himself surrounded and they pounced on him and started beating the crap out of him, "You cannot defeat me! You can punch all you want!" Vegeta was saying even though he was getting the crap beat out of him.

"Oh shit! Hold on Vegeta!" Zarbon then went out of the protection circle and threw a major fireball killing everyone except Vegeta and himself. "Vegeta are you all right?" asked Zarbon.

"I had everything under control Zippy!" Vegeta said.

"No you didn't, if I wouldn't have come along then you would have been dead!" Zarbon said.

"No it's not true I hate you!" Vegeta then spit onto the ground and headed towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked Zarbon.

"I'm tired I need to go somewhere else, you and your stupid sorcerer powers are a waste of my time!" Vegeta said.

Surely, he was not that tired; Zarbon's manly intuition sensed that something else was up with Vegeta, so he decided to follow him.

He found him in the garden cutting up a piece of paper with Nappa as his bodyguard, Zarbon then walked up to Vegeta, "So what are you making?" he asked.

"None of your concern glamour puss get lost!" yelled Vegeta.

"Let me see please?" asked Zarbon.

"No!" Vegeta said.

Zarbon got a look at the piece of paper, it was a drawing of a heart with the words "I love you" on the inside of it, "Oh it's so pretty, I didn't know you cared!" Zarbon said hugging Vegeta.

"Not you glamour puss he's in love with a girl!" Nappa said.

Zarbon then let go of Vegeta, "Oh I'm sorry, so who is this girl I could help you get to know her better!" Zarbon said.

"I already know her idiot!" Vegeta said.

"Yah it's your sister!" Nappa said laughing.

No not Miretta, she was already married to an abusive man whom mated with her on her arrival, they fell in lust by instinct which would be hard to explain to someone like Zarbon or any mire human. Because Primal Changelings usually found their partners through instincts, a completely different species raised Zarbon, and taught him that love was found through emotion and caring for one another.

"You love Miretta? Oh dear how do I explain this to you, she's kind of with someone else at the moment." Zarbon said.

"Who, I'll beat his ass up!" Vegeta said.

"My ex trainer Shasha," Zarbon said.

Vegeta's eyes grew wide, "You mean that stupid, simple Russian rapist from planet Cyrillic? Oh I'm going to slap him!" Vegeta said.

"I know I don't like it either, but that's whom she decided to marry; I mean spend the remainder of her life with!" Zarbon said.

"But she was engaged to be married to me! Father said so!" Vegeta said.

"What? You mean to tell me that she was originally engaged to you, oh my God I'm going to throw up!" Zarbon said. The thought of his beautiful baby half-sister, who was older than Vegeta by four or five years, betrothed to this horrid little brat was making him sick to his stomach.

"See this is exactly why I hate you! You don't understand what it's like to be in love because primal changelings such as you only mate through instinct!" Vegeta said.

"We do?" asked Zarbon.

"What you know nothing about your own species? From what father has told me, primal changelings imprint on an idle mate and they get married to one another and hopefully the relationship will last." Vegeta said.

"Look I use my instincts to fight; I use my emotions to love! I'm not like other primal changelings! Besides Shasha isn't really Russian, he speaks Russian as a first language, but the truth is that he's just a primal changeling just like me, only more aggressive." Zarbon said.

"I don't care if I'm politically incorrect Zarbon! I want to marry her like she was promised to me!" Vegeta said.

"You're too young to get married; I'm even too young to get married." Zarbon said.

"I don't know why your species are call primal changelings, but from what father has told me it's because of the way they mate and fight." Vegeta said.

"Actually the real reason why we're called that is because…" Before Zarbon could finish, Vegeta interrupted him.

"Screw you I'm going to go and seduce her!" With that, Vegeta got up, took the drawling with him and left the garden.

Later on Vegeta found Miretta sitting on a bench trying to put foundation over black eye, what I said was true earlier about Shasha; he beat her on a regular basis, as of why she chose him as a partner, who knows why.

"Hello Miretta!" Vegeta said smiling at her.

She was stunned, "Vegeta what are you doing here?" she asked.

"I made this for you!" he gave her the piece of paper that he designed for her.

"Oh that is so sweet." She said looking at it.

"So what's up, can we get together sometime?" asked Vegeta.

"I would love to, but if Shasha were to find you here talking to me then he would beat me up again." She said.

"Why do you want to be with him?" asked Vegeta.

"Because my instincts just chose him as a lover I guess." Miretta said.

"Well you're not a prisoner here like me, so why don't you just run away?" asked Vegeta.

"I would but I'm afraid it's not possible now." Miretta said.

"What do you mean?" asked Vegeta, all the sudden he noticed that she looked a little bigger than usual. "No." he said sighing.

"Yes I'm with child, I'm five months along, and I can't just raise this child all by myself." Miretta said.

"How could you? You were engaged to marry me remember?" asked Vegeta with tears in his eyes.

Shasha was looking for Miretta, picked up her sent, and saw her talking to Vegeta he hid behind the tree, none of them sensed him though, "I know what I was supposed to marry you, but plans had kind of changed now." Miretta said.

"Look I don't like your husband or your glamour puss of a brother! I hate you too! I think your husband is stupid and ugly and I think your brother is an over sensitive crybaby who knows nothing about his species!" Vegeta said.

Shasha got pissed off and walked over to Vegeta and Miretta, "What are you doing here you stupid Sayain brat?" asked Shasha.

"Nothing I'm just leaving stupid commie!" Vegeta said holding his nose up in the air and walking away, then he hid behind a bush that was near the tree.

"What are you doing around that horrible monkey child?" asked Shasha.

"He just showed up!" Miretta said afraid.

"He tried to seduce you didn't he?" asked Shasha.

"No he….." Before Miretta could finish Shasha slapped her across the face.

"You little bitch I told you to stay away from other men!" yelled Shasha.

Poor Vegeta would usually stand up to people like Shasha but was too overemotional to so he ran away in tears and went to practice.

Zarbon once again conjured up the demons and Vegeta fought like a tiger, slashing every one of them, breaking their necks and all that stuff, when he was finished he was panting.

"Wow I'm impressed you'll make a most excellent warrior for Freezer!" Zarbon said.

"Shut your mouth Zippy!" Vegeta yelled.

"What's gotten into you?" Zarbon asked.

"I was supposed to have Miretta as my own, and stupid Shasha took her away from me!" Vegeta yelled.

"There is nothing you can do about it Vegeta." Zarbon said.

"I'm going to talk to Freezer and ask him if I can marry her!" Vegeta said walking out of the room.

Meanwhile Freezer was on his thrown board as ever as Apple was reading the criteria to him for his doomed kingdom," Let's see the economy has been erupted," Apple said.

"Because nobody has asked to buy a planet from me in a long time," Freezer said.

All the sudden Vegeta marched into the throne room and picked Apple up and threw him across the room, "Out of my way ugly!" he yelled.

"Vegeta what can I do for you?" asked Freezer.

"I want to marry Miretta like my father promised me that I would!" Vegeta said.

"Sorry but since your father is dead I can't grant such a wish." Freezer said.

Zarbon came into the throne room, "Vegeta there you are, come on let's go back to practice before you make an ass of yourself, yet again!" Zarbon said.

"But Vegeta how can you obey your father if he's dead?" Freezer asked laughing.

"You murdered my father in cold blood so you owe me big time lizard man!" Vegeta yelled.

"Why you little…" Freezer's red eyes were glowing as he was about to laser Vegeta.

Zarbon know he had potential as a warrior, to lose him soon would be unreasonable, so he ran up to Vegeta and got him out of the way before Freezer's lasers hit him fatally. "Zarbon I missed what is that deal?" asked Freezer.

"Sir he's upset because Shasha took Miretta as a mate, as you already know." Zarbon said.

"Ha she'll leave him you'll see." Freezer said pouring himself a glass of wine.

"She said she wouldn't' because she's five months pregnant with his child!" Vegeta said.

"What she's knocked up already, doesn't anyone use safe sex ever. Just for that Shasha is going to get whipped twenty times!" Freezer said enraged.

"Sounds kind of harsh, but that's a good idea, I mean having Shasha as a father I would feel…." Before Zarbon could finish, Vegeta interrupted.

"Father promised Miretta to me, I want her now!" Vegeta yelled.

Zarbon was now getting annoyed at this whinny Sayain brat, "Look your stupid dead father knows nothing about love!" Zarbon yelled.

Vegeta was pissed off and he elbowed Zarbon and jumped out of his arms, "You'll rue the day you said that!" Vegeta said snorting and running out of the throne room.

"Vegeta wait I didn't mean anything by it, please forgive me!" yelled Zarbon.

Vegeta was now on a mission of vengeance, he went looking for the man that knocked Miretta up and took her as a mate. Shasha was at a café sitting next to Dodoria, his best friend in the world. He looked into a mirror and flossed his teeth, god they were horrible looking, and he then started plucking his eyebrows, "Боже мой! Очень булит меня!" He yelled, because his eyebrows were so thick, he had to pluck the middle of his eyebrows so a unibrow would not grow.

"Looks like Zarbon isn't the only vain primal changeling around here!" all the sudden Shasha and Dodoria turned to see Vegeta, that aggressive Sayain brat.

"What do you want with me Sayain brat?" Shasha said.

"Miretta was mine originally and you took her from me!" Vegeta yelled.

"What? You are Sayain she is primal changeling, what makes you think she likes you?" asked Shasha.

"Because my father betrothed her to me, you're old enough to be her grandfather!" Vegeta yelled.

"So what?" Shasha yelled.

"So when I kill you myself I'm going to raise that defect of a child that she'll bore you in four months or so!" Vegeta said.

"What? She's with child?" asked Shasha.

"Yes and it's too late to abort the baby too!" Vegeta said.

"Not again!" Shasha yelled.

"Yah because idiot rapists like you can't keep your dick to yourself!" Vegeta yelled.

Shasha got pissed off, "Why you little bastard!" yelled Shasha getting up and walking up to the little Sayain warrior.

Zarbon ran into the café, "Vegeta what are you doing?" he asked.

"Shasha I challenge you to a duel to the death!" yelled Vegeta.

"Vegeta no, you're going to get yourself killed!" yelled Zarbon.

"No this will be interesting!" Shasha said cracking his knuckles.

"Let's go you communist!" yelled Vegeta with his fists in the air.

"I'm not communist, I'm actually imperialist I used to be imperialist guard if you must know, I have quite reputation for being ruthless henchman of Freezer!" Shasha said.

"Please don't fight him!" Zarbon said scarred.

All the sudden Vegeta threw a punch at Shasha, Shasha licked the purplish blood that came from his busted lip, "That was good but not good enough!" he yelled.

He picked up Vegeta by the tail and threw him across the room hard, and ran over to him and started punching him; those two were biting and scratching each other like wild animals. "Vegeta, somebody stop Shasha from hurting him!" Zarbon was about to join in the fight, when all the sudden, someone grabbed hold of his cape, it was Freezer.

"You stay out of this, he must learn a lesson about being aggressive towards his captors," Freezer said.

Zarbon could not bear to see Shasha rape a helpless woman, let alone beat a child up, when the fight was over, Shasha walked away almost unharmed, but poor Vegeta was bruised and bloody, his tail was broken and he had some teeth knocked out, yep Shasha fucked him up pretty badly.

"Shasha I need to see you in my office." Freezer said beckoning Shasha. Shasha followed Freezer into his office.

Everyone just stared at Vegeta, since Nappa and Raddiz were on a mission; Zarbon thought it would be best if he took Vegeta to get some stitches. While nobody else wanted to help Vegeta, Zarbon went over to him, picked him up, carried him in his arms, and went to the hospital.

A week went by, Vegeta was still in the hospital, he was in a coma and he did not have a single visitor, so Zarbon thought it would be nice to apologize to him for insulting his father, he went to the hospital and bought him some flowers.

Zarbon looked at Vegeta who was so out of it, his eyes were closed, "You poor child, I'm so sorry that I called your father stupid and dead." Zarbon said to him.

All the sudden Vegeta woke up and looked at Zarbon, "Where is he I'll kick his ass!" Vegeta said.

"Vegeta it's been almost a week since you've been in a coma." Zarbon said.

"No it's not true, I kicked Shasha's ass!" Vegeta said.

"No you didn't, he almost murdered you!" Zarbon said.

"Don't tell me what happened and what didn't pretty boy!" yelled Vegeta.

"Vegeta I'm sorry I insulted your father, I know what it's like to lose someone you love." Zarbon said.

"How would you know?" asked Vegeta.

"Because my mother died when I was three," Zarbon said.

"Hum what about my engagement to Miretta!" Vegeta said.

"Look the engagement is off, your father is dead you can love whoever you want to love now!" Zarbon said.

"But she was…" before Vegeta could finish Zarbon interrupted him.

"Vegeta I don't think it's wise to find a mate through arranged marriage nor through your instinct, love isn't something that can be found either way, if people are lucky then yes. True love, from what I've been told, is found through compatibility, through companionship and emotion." Zarbon said.

"How the hell would you know?" asked Vegeta.

"Look that's just what I've been told." Zarbon said putting the flowers that he bought Vegeta in a vase and about to walk away, "Get better soon." Zarbon said walking out of the room.

Vegeta was now more pissed than ever, "But she was supposed to be mine to begin with!" Vegeta yelled

End of Story


	2. Chapter 2

_The Freezer Jr. Squad part 1_

Zarbon was asleep having one of those anxiety dreams, he's had the same dream for about a week now, especially since his younger sister just gave birth to a daughter about a few months ago, that didn't help. He had a dream that he was in the hospital and he was helping Liya give birth, "Push Liya you can do it!" he yelled.

She screamed in pain, the strange part was that she and Zarbon were very different species and there was no way that in real life they would be able to produce a child. All the sudden he heard a baby crying, "Congratulations Zarbon it's a girl!" said the doctor.

"I'm a father! Yes!" Zarbon jumped up into the air all excited, he then grabbed the baby and held it in his arms, "Hello poppet, how are you?" he asked the baby.

Then when he unveiled the blanket off the baby's head it was the face of Freezer, the baby looked up and said, "Surprise! " then it started laughing.

"NOOOO!" yelled Zarbon.

Then he woke up, "Holy shit, not again!" he yelled. He got out of bed and ran to the bathroom and turned on the water and pulled the drain up, the when the sink was full he dipped his head in the sink and came back up again with half of his hair soaked while the other half wasn't. He looked in the mirror and frowned, "Damn anxiety dreams, how you mock me!" he yelled.

He then went to the restraint for breakfast to meet Kiwi and Apple there, his two best friends in the universe, who used to look after him when he was a child. "How did you sleep last night?" asked Kiwi smoking a cigarette.

Zarbon then lit a cigarette and started smoking to the point where he started coughing, "Take is easy, it's a cigarette not a pipe!" said Apple inhaling a cigarette too.

"It was horrible! I had that same dream last night!" said Zarbon.

"Again, does it involve you helping Liya give birth only to find out that its Freezer's love child?" asked Kiwi.

"I don't know if it was Freezer's love child, the dream never says!" said Zarbon.

"Don't be too tactless Kiwi; you'll hurt poor Zarbon's feelings." Apple said.

"What in the world do you mean?" asked Kiwi.

"He wishes that he could have a child, maybe not with Liya but remember how jealous he got when he found out that his sister was pregnant?" asked Apple.

"I'm still pissed off about it, I should have become a parent first!" said Zarbon banging his fist on the table.

"Trust me, kids are nothing but trouble, I mean I've never been a father myself, but when I used to babysit you, you caused all kinds of trouble, and then when you started rebelling again Freezer, that was asking for more trouble." Kiwi said.

"I was how old?" asked Zarbon.

"You were very young!" said Apple.

"Sorry I caused a lot of trouble for you both." Zarbon said.

"It's all right. You were just a kid stuck in an unfortunate situation." Kiwi said puffing on his cigarette.

"Kiwi you're being trackless again." Apple said.

"Right, right." Kiwi said.

Suddenly Freezer's voice came over the intercom, "Everyone that is important to me as a warrior report outside immediately! That is all!" yelled Freezer's woman sounding voice.

Zarbon was standing outside, next to Apple, Dodoria, Shasha, Vegeta, Nappa, Liya and Raddiz. Freezer then stepped outside wearing a comic mustache, everyone tried not to laugh, but then Vegeta raised his hand, "What is it Vegeta!" yelled Freezer.

"Sorry to ask this, but why do you look like a Nazi?" he asked laughing his butt off.

"That is none of your concern and if any of you ask me again, you'll be asking for trouble! Now let's see if all of you are here!" yelled Freezer. He looked at his most powerful warriors, "Where is Kiwi?" asked Freezer.

All the sudden Kiwi ran outside and stood in line, "Must I ask why you are late?" asked Freezer.

"Sorry I was doing my business, sir!" yelled Kiwi saluting Freezer, then he noticed his comical mustache and started laughing, then Zarbon stepped on his foot, "Ouch why did you do that?" asked Kiwi.

"Ok pay attention, I have something very important to tell all of you! I contacted the local orphanage and decided to adopt a bunch of orphans, two girls and seven boys!" yelled Freezer sounding even more girly than usual; he grew a comic mustache, which did not help at all. Kiwi started snickering and then everyone else started snickering quietly except for Shasha and Dodoria, Freezer's most ruthless solders other then Vegeta, but the difference was that Vegeta had no respect for Freezer whatsoever.

"The next person who laughs will be sentence to death!" yelled Freezer. Everyone then stopped snickering. "Now I shall pair you all up as soon as the children get here!" yelled Freezer.

All the sudden a floating bus appeared. "They're here!" said Dodoria.

All the sudden the door opened up and all the kids went running to Freezer, they were no more than ten years old; the odd thing was that they were just primal changelings, Zarbon and Shasha's species, and Freezer's species the Icejin changelings. They all looked at the kids, they looked so cute and innocent those cute little ten year olds, perhaps even younger. All the sudden Vegeta got mad, "Why aren't there any Sayain children?" he asked.

"I'll explain, now! The reason is because most of the population on planet Freezer consists of my species, and the second most populated species are the primal changelings! Plus the Sayains are almost extinct due to that comet!" said Freezer emphasizing with his fingers.

"I thought you said that it was a meteor that killed the Sayains!" said Raddiz.

"Oh that's right, sorry my memory isn't what it used to be, me being about two hundred years old!" said Freezer laughing suspiciously. "Anyways I will now pair you all up now!" yelled Freezer.

"Shasha will be paired up with uh hold on!" Freezer pulled a list out and looked at the names and the species next to the names, "Oh yah will be paired up with Alyosha!" Freezer said.

A little primal changeling with purple eyes, thick black hair and dark blue skin like Shasha's stepped into view, "Why I believe that he's from your planet too Shasha!" yelled Freezer.

Then little Alyosha walked up to Shasha and innocently looked up at him, "Здравствуйте учитель!" yelled the little primal changeling with great enthusiasm, Shasha's eyes grew wide, he was a little shocked to see someone greeting him so enthusiastically.

He chuckled, "Здравствуй ученик!" yelled Shasha back.

Then Vegeta got pissed off yet again, "God will you speak English or at least Japanese! God recruiting someone who can't even speak our tongue how lame!" yelled Vegeta.

Shasha and the child looked at Vegeta as if he was some ignorant bigot, then little Alyosha said to Shasha, "Какой дурак!"

Shasha nodded his head yes and said, "Да я знаю!"

Then Freezer looked at the list again, "Vegeta since you are now fourteen and can fight with us, you are paired up with Aleister!" yelled Freezer. Then Aleister walked up to Vegeta, he looked like a pint-sized changeling that resembled a mini Freezer.

"Oh great what luck!" yelled Vegeta.

"Kiwi you're paired up with Winston!" said Freezer. Winston was another changeling boy with brown skin and red eyes who walked up to Kiwi and stood beside him.

"Apple you are paired up with Grisha!" said Freezer. The small primal changeling boy with the gold eyes, green hair and the turquoise skin color similar to Zarbon's, walked and stood next to Apple.

"Oh great another pint sized Zarbon! You don't speak Russian too do you?" asked Apple.

"Nope I may have a Russian name, but I'm completely Anglo-sized!" yelled the little boy.

The paring went on for another half an hour; Raddiz got a primal changeling boy that had blond hair, brown skin and gold eyes that went by the name Andre. Nappa got a changeling boy with black thick hair, purple skin and purple eyes, named Niles. A changeling boy named Lindsey, a little white changeling with red eyes black hair, paired up with Dodoria.

Then there were two girls left, one was a changeling with purple hair, red eyes and brown skin and the other girl left was a primal changeling with dark blue hair, gold eyes, and turquoise skin. Freezer looked at the girls, "Ok there are two left, let's see Liya will be paired up with Sylvia!" said Freezer. The changeling girl then went over to Liya and smiled, "Hello" she said.

Liya noticed that one of her eyes were sealed over and had a huge scar on it, she was a little shocked, "Hello" said Liya.

The only person left was the little primal changeling girl, she was the smallest of them all, and perhaps the cutest, she had her hair up in a ponytail with a red ribbon in her hair. "Oh boy I was afraid this would happen!" yelled Freezer.

"Afraid what would happen?" asked Raddiz.

"That one of you men would be paired up with a girl, I didn't want any sex to go on!" said Freezer. Everyone looked with wide eyes at Freezer, "I guess that means that Darla is paired up with Zarbon!" said Freezer.

Everyone started laughing as little Darla walked over to Zarbon shyly and looked up at him. "Zarbon is paired up with a girl! This is too funny!" yelled Dodoria.

"Yah and she must be his new girlfriend!" yelled Shasha.

"It's like they say, everything happens for a reason!" yelled Kiwi laughing with them.

"Kiwi you're supposed to be on my side remember?" Zarbon said.

"Oh that's right, sorry!" said Kiwi blushing.

"Now this is the future Freezer Jr. Squad, they are to stay with you for two weeks so that you train them to use laser guns; they are to hang out with you! Then after your mission of taking care of them is done, they will be sent to the new Freezer Jr. Squad Military Academy once it's built! If either of you fuck this thing up, you'll report to me! Good day!" then Freezer walked away back inside the palace.

Everyone just stood there with his or her Freezer Jr. Squad member each, not knowing what to do next. "Uh what are we supposed to do?" asked Kiwi.

"I say we get started!" said Dodoria taking Lindsey by the hand and walking him inside.

"Давай!" yelled Shasha taking Alyosha by the hand.

Everyone else walked into the palace with their Freezer Jr. Squad members, except Zarbon and Darla. Zarbon looked at the small girl, pissed off that he ended up with a girl instead of a boy like all the other men did, "Well I have to go now bye!" he then walked away as he was doing that, he noticed that she was following him.

"Did you hear me I said goodbye!" He then tried to walk away again, but she continued to follow him.

"Look its bad enough that I got paired up with a girl! Why couldn't I be paired up with a boy instead?" he asked aloud.

She burst out laughing, "You're funny!" she said with her little girl proper English sounding pitch.

"Oh so you can talk, why didn't you say hi to me before?" asked Zarbon.

"Because I'm not allowed to talk to strangers, mum used to say that to me!" she said.

"Where is she?" asked Zarbon.

"She died and when that happened the government put me in the orphanage with all the other orphans." She said.

"What about your father?" asked Zarbon?

"I never knew him; he died before I was born." She said sadly.

"Look I feel for you really I do, but I still don't understand why I ended up with a girl!" said Zarbon.

"Whether you like it or not you're stuck with me for two weeks, at least until Freezer gets that boarding military children's school built so that my friends and I can attend it." She said.

Later on, they went to Zarbon's room, which was well organized, she then started jumping on the bed, "Don't' jump on the bed you're going to break it!" he yelled.

"Sorry it's just that you're so boring that I have to have fun somehow!" she yelled. Then Zarbon's black Devon Rex kitten Blacky rubbed up against Darla, "You have a kitten?" she asked.

"Yes I got Blacky as a birthday present." Zarbon said.

"I always wanted a cat," she said picking Blacky up and holding him.

"It looks like you have made a new friend Blacky!" said Zarbon smiling. He then went in front of the mirror and sat down, took his braid out, got a comb and started combing his thick, long green hair.

She looked at him, "Wow your hair is beautiful!" she said.

"Thank you," he said. She then got over how pretty his hair was, went to his cabinate, and went through his drawlers and she started throwing his underwear all over the place. Zarbon noticed in the mirror what she was doing and gasped and ran over to her, took her hand and smacked it really hard, "Bad girl, that's very naughty!" he said in a stern, angry voice.

She then started crying, Zarbon started to feel sorry for her, "Don't cry! Please, I don't like to see girls cry!" he said, but she continued to cry. He then thought about what to do to make her feel better, then an idea came to him, "I'm going to dress you up really pretty, I'll be right back!" he then ran out of the room.

Meanwhile in Liya's room she was showing Sylvia around, "This is where I use the water closet!" she said showing Sylvia the bathroom.

"What if I need to take a dump?" asked Sylvia.

Liya rolled her eyes, "That's what the water closet is for," she said all confused.

All the sudden Zarbon barged in, "Liya do you have any girl clothing?" he asked.

She looked at him, "Well I do have cloths left over from when my daughter was alive." She said.

"What happened to your daughter?" asked Sylvia.

"It's a long story, I'll tell you later." She said.

"Liya those cloths, I'll owe you one I promise!" said Zarbon.

"All right, all right, hold on!" she then went into her closet and got her now dead daughter's cloths out, "Is this good enough?" asked Liya.

Zarbon examined the cloths, "No I need a really fancy dress!" said Zarbon.

"God picky, picky!" yelled Liya, she then got a pretty dress for him, "There take it or leave it!" she said.

"Thank you so much!" said Zarbon, he took the dress and ran back to his room.

Poor Darla was still crying in a puddle of her own tears, "Here put this on!" He gave her the dress to try on; she stopped crying and looked at it.

"What's this?" she asked.

"It's a dress, I want to doll you all up so that you look really pretty like me!" he said.

"Is this like dress up?" she asked.

"Sort of." Zarbon said probably not knowing what dress up even was.

Moments later she came out of the bathroom dressed up really pretty, but still with that silly pigtail in her hair, "Now to do your hair!" yelled Zarbon.

"But like putting my hair up in a pigtail!" she said.

"Not anymore, once I show you what you can do with your hair, you will never be the same again!" said Zarbon. He took her by the hand and went into the "water closet" and started washing her hair in the bathtub, he then combed it, dried it, and put her hair in curlers.

"This hair style looks silly!" she yelled.

"Come on lets go have lunch with Kiwi and Apple!" he took her by the hand and they went to lunch.

At the restraint, many of the top warriors were there with their Freezer Jr. Squad buddies including Kiwi and Apple. Zarbon and Darla sat down at the table next to Kiwi, across from Apple, Grisha and Winston. "So Zarbon how is being paired up with a girl going for you?" asked Kiwi.

Zarbon shrugged his shoulders, "Oh the usual." He said.

"So how is being paired up with a boy going for you Darla?" asked Winston.

Darla shrugged her shoulders, "Oh the usual." She said.

"Why do you have curlers in your hair?" asked Grisha.

"Because Zarbon wants to make me look pretty for tonight," said Darla.

"What's going on tonight again?" asked Kiwi.

"It's the welcome party for the Freezer Jr. Squad," said Apple.

"Are their going to be balloons and clowns there?" asked Grisha.

"I haven't a clue kid." Kiwi said.

"This is boring lets go get a smoothie, come on Darla you can come with us!" said Grisha.

"Ok, excuse me Zarbon!" all three kids ran to the bar to order smoothies.

Zarbon looked over at Shasha and Alyosha, "Well it looks like Shasha is enjoying this program." Zarbon said.

"Yah especially since Alyosha speaks Russian as a first language too." Apple said.

All the sudden Vegeta, who was enraged walked over to them, "This assignment is almost as retarded as the one that I had to work with Zarbon on!" yelled Vegeta.

What he was talking about was when Freezer and Cooler thought the humans were becoming a threat, and Zarbon and Vegeta were paired up to practice on each other pretending one of them were the human. It did not go over well, Zarbon had a horrible mood swing, and a dinocroc almost ate them. "It could be worst." Kiwi said.

"Not really, little kids are annoying!" Vegeta said.

"Now you know how we feel!" Kiwi said laughing.

Vegeta got mad and put his fist up, "You better shut up fish head or else I'll..." Aleister pulled Vegeta's tail, "That is not a toy, get lost kid!" Vegeta said.

"I've never seen a monkey tail before! This is so fluffy and fun to play with!" yelled Aleister wrapping Vegeta's monkey tail around his neck like it was a fur coat.

All the sudden Vegeta made his tail move and it started chocking Aleister's neck, "You don't think my tail is alive, think again you little brat!" yelled Vegeta.

"Stop choking him Vegeta!" said Zarbon.

"Ok then maybe I shouldn't choke him in front of you!" yelled Vegeta, he then released the little changeling and the changeling was trying to catch his breath, "Don't fuck with me you little brat!" yelled Vegeta.

"Yes Vegeta sir!" yelled Aleister.

"Now go get me a wine cooler now!" yelled Vegeta.

"Yes Vegeta!" Aleister said going over to the bar.

"That's prince Vegeta to you!" yelled Vegeta following him.

"Man why does Vegeta have to pick on people that are smaller than him?" asked Apple.

"Well why does he have to pick on people that are taller than him?" asked Kiwi.

"Because he's an annoying, arrogant Sayain that thinks he's the ruler of the universe." Zarbon said.

"Well we're really not that nice to him if you think about it." Apple said.

"I would be nicer to him if he weren't such a demanding little brat." Zarbon said.

At the dinner, the kids were sitting at one table while the adults were sitting at another; everyone was there except for Zarbon and Darla. "Where is Zarbon?" asked Apple.

"I don't know but if he doesn't show up soon then Freezer might get mad." Kiwi said.

All the sudden Zarbon made his graceful entrance, he was dressed to thrill, his hair had curls in it and in a ponytail, and he had a very fancy military uniform on, usually worn at special occasions, which was a red military looking uniform with a red cape attached to the back. He did not wear his forehead crown, but he wore expensive looking diamond earrings in his pierced ears. Everyone just looked at him and started laughing, Freezer then slapped his hand on his head, and "Zarbon perhaps you should make yourself look less glamorous." Freezer said.

"Ok then?" Zarbon said raising an eyebrow, he then took his diamond earrings off, "Is that much better?" he asked.

"Never mind come and sit down before you embarrass me!" yelled Freezer.

"Wait where's Darla?" asked Apple.

All the sudden Darla walked out from behind Zarbon with a red dress on, her hair down with curls in it, and wearing some kind of fancy hat, she had diamond earrings in her ears and she had some pearls in one strand of hair. Everyone started laughing as they both sat down. "Looks like someone is in love!" yelled Vegeta teasing Zarbon.

"No I think they're more like father and daughter!" said Dodoria.

"Like father like daughter!" said Shasha laughing.

"Could you please lay off the insults?" asked Zarbon.

"Oh so the glamour puss has something to say, that is if that's the only thing he can say!" said Dodoria.

Zarbon got up and bent over "glamour puss Jr.", "Just ignore them, they're just jealous that we're more fashionable and more attractive than they are." He said.

"No we aren't!" said Dodoria.

"Right." Darla said.

"Ok enough goofing off, sit down Zarbon!" said Freezer. Zarbon then sat down next to Kiwi. "Now I would like everyone to tell how their Freezer Jr. Squad buddy did, starting with Shasha!" Freezer said.

"He's got mouth on him!" Shasha said.

"Yah if we knew what he was saying!" Vegeta said, he then laughed while Shasha and Alyosha glared at him.

"How about you Alyosha?" asked Freezer.

"Был хорошо!" he gave Freezer a thumbs up.

"Right, now I would like to know what Kiwi thought of meeting his new buddy today!" said Freezer.

"He's very observant, just like me! In fact if I didn't know any better I would say that he's related to me!" said Kiwi.

"Is that true Winston?" asked Freezer.

"I guess, but if I didn't know any better I would say that Kiwi's head if filled with fish paste!" said Winston, everyone started laughing and Kiwi glared at Winston, "What I was just joking, he's the coolest babysitter ever!" said Winston smiling.

"Good I'm glad someone liked him, now how about you Dodoria?" Freezer asked.

"Well honestly Lindsey doesn't do much except pick his nose!" said Dodoria.

Freezer looked over at Lindsey who was picking his nose, "Oh honestly Lindsey you think you're going to get buggers out that way! Here!" he then took his handkerchief and threw it at Lindsey, who caught it and rubbed it on the inside of his nose.

"Thank you Freezer sir!" he yelled.

"Don't let me catch you picking your nose again! That's so disgusting!" said Freezer.

Therefore, Freezer continued to ask Apple, Nappa, Raddiz, and Liya how their buddies did, every one of them said positive things. "Now it's on to Zarbon!" said Freezer.

Zarbon then looked at everyone, "Excuse me?" he asked.

"You know how your Freezer Jr. Squad buddy did today?" asked Freezer.

"Uh let's see," Zarbon looked over at the innocent looking girl who was eating a dead octopus and had the tentacles sticking out of her mouth, "She did just fine," he said.

"Good now I almost forgot, how was your buddy Vegeta?" asked Freezer.

Vegeta snorted and frowned, "He's nothing but trouble and he's such a little brat, uh he pulled my tail today, almost broke it too!" said Vegeta.

"That's not true at all!" yelled Aleister as he stood up.

"Well the part about the pulling on my tail is true!" said Vegeta feeding a monkey on his head some pineapple.

"Aleister is this true?" asked Freezer.

"No he's lying!" yelled Aleister.

"For punishment you will clean all the dishes tonight after everyone is done eating!" yelled Freezer.

"Oh come on I've had harsher punishments then that!" yelled Vegeta.

"Don't push it Sayain!" yelled Freezer.

After dinner, Aleister was pissed off and washing the dishes, "I'll get back at the Sayain brat if it's the last thing I do!" he said.

All the sudden Winston and Alyosha showed up. "Are you ok? You had a rough night." Winston said.

"Winston, Alyosha, gather all the kids together, I have an important meeting to hold!" yelled Aleister.

"Yes sir!" yelled Winston, while Alyosha saluted him, Winston then took Alyosha by the hand and they walked out of the kitchen.

End of part 1


	3. Chapter 3

_The Freezer Jr. Squad, part 2_

Later on all the kids met Aleister in a dark hallway when all the adults went to bed. "Now I called you all here today because we need to do something about that brat Vegeta! He's abused me, treated me like a slave, and hasn't given me any advice on how to use a laser gun!" said Aleister walking back and forth holding a flashlight behind his back; he and all the kids were in their pajamas and p-jays.

"What are we going to do, Vegeta is such a jerk!" said Grisha.

"I say we teach him a lesson about respect, just like we learned in the orphanage!" yelled Andre.

"Yah I agree!" said Niles.

"I'm out of here," said Sylvia going back to Liya's room.

"Me too, I don't want any part of this, because if we get into trouble I don't want to be hit." Said Darla, she went back to Zarbon's room.

"Girls are such babies," Winston said.

"Let's get him!" yelled Aleister!

"Yah!" all the remaining orphans, which was technically all the boys yelled.

Therefore, the boys got some rope, some tape, some chloroform and a chair. They snuck into Vegeta's room, Vegeta was sleeping like a baby, and they got out the chloroform and put it to his mouth and he woke up shocked to see some little brats on him, then he went back to sleep, yep the chloroform pretty much did the job.

Meanwhile Darla knocked on Zarbon's bedroom door, and Zarbon opened it up, "Darla where are you been I was worried about you!" he said.

"I went to brush my teeth!" Darla lied.

"Well that's silly, the water closet is right over there." Zarbon said.

Back to Vegeta, an hour later, he woke up with some tape on his mouth and he could not speak, "What's that I think Sayain brat wants to say something!" Alyosha said.

"Untape him!" yelled Aleister.

Grisha took the tape off Vegeta's mouth and Vegeta was gasping for air. "What the hell is going on?" Vegeta asked.

"Hello Vegeta, remember me, your boy slave? I won't handle it anymore!" yelled Aleister.

"Yah and you thought I couldn't speak English, you were dead wrong!" yelled Alyosha, he then spit in Vegeta's eye.

"You little brats can't defeat me, I'm an all powerful Sayain warrior!" yelled Vegeta.

"From where I'm standing it's the complete opposite!" yelled Aleister, all the boys were laughing hard. "It's because of people like you that people like us end up in orphanages in the first place!" yelled Aleister.

"Yah!" all of the boys yelled.

"Yah arrogant, ruthless jerks like you put people like us in orphanages too!" yelled Grisha.

"Yah!" the boys once again chanted.

"Yah and you remind us of our mothers when they got knocked up with us, and were abandoned by our fathers, and were irresponsible for corrupting the government and welfare system, and then they abandon us by putting us in the orphanages or the government taking us away from them!" yelled Winston.

"Yah! Hum?" All the boys said confused.

Vegeta was even more confused the than boys, "What?" he asked amazed.

"Sorry I was thinking of someone else!" said Winston.

"This is Lord of the Flies all over again!" thought Vegeta.

Meanwhile Darla was on the couch with a blanket on her, Zarbon was tucking her in, "Good night sweetie," he then kissed her on the cheek.

"Good night Zarbon." She said, she then put her hands together and started praying, "Dear whoever owns the universe, let Grisha and Winston be all right." She said.

"What are you talking about?" asked Zarbon.

"They went to help Aleister and the other boys tie up Vegeta and teach him a lesson." Darla said. She then covered her mouth, "Ops I was just kidding!" she said.

"Where are they?" he asked.

"I wasn't even supposed to tell you!" she said.

"Come on lets go find him!" he took Darla by the hand and they went out of the room to find Vegeta.

Meanwhile the boys pushed the chair down with Vegeta's face up in the air, "Now to teach you lesson!" yelled Alyosha he pulled his pants down and aimed his butt in Vegeta's face.

"What are you doing?" asked Grisha.

"I saw this on porno of Shasha, man was pooping in woman's face!" yelled Alyosha.

"Ew that's disgusting, do it, do it!" yelled Winston.

"Do it, do it!" the other boys chimed in.

"Ok here comes one!" yelled Alyosha trying hard to shit on Vegeta's face.

"Give me your worst!" said Vegeta once again getting cocky.

All the sudden Zarbon opened the door and saw what Alyosha was about to do, his eyes grew wide, "What the hell is going on here?" he asked.

"Uh oh!" said Grisha.

"We're fucked!" said Winston.

"How embarrassing!" Alyosha said pulling his pants up and running to hide behind Aleister.

"You little barbarians, who taught you to act this way, you don't shit on someone's face! Its gross!" yelled Zarbon.

"But it was in porno, and…."

Before Alyosha continued Zarbon interrupted, "How in the world did you get a hold of a porno? You children are too young to watch that stuff! What you are doing is wrong! What would Freezer think?" asked Zarbon.

"Vegeta made us do it!" yelled Grisha.

"Yah he's such a jerk!" yelled Winston.

"That's no excuse to tie someone up and torture them! Come on Vegeta I'll untie you!" said Zarbon walking over to Vegeta, lifting the chair up and trying to untie him,

"Nice going tattle tale!" yelled Aleister to Darla.

"I just didn't want you guys to get hurt is all." Darla said innocently.

Then Vegeta got pissed off, "Hey Zarbon?" he asked.

"What Vegeta?" asked Zarbon, trying to untie that quadruple knot.

"I had the situation under control!" yelled Vegeta.

"No you didn't." said Zarbon.

"Yes I did I was about to do a sneak attack on them!" yelled Vegeta.

Zarbon stopped untying the knot, "What after Alyosha was about to shit in your face?" asked Zarbon.

"No! I don't need a hero, you're a loser, I don't like you, so fuck off I have the situation under control!" yelled Vegeta.

Zarbon got angry, "Oh please if I wouldn't have showed up then nobody would be trying to help you out!" yelled Zarbon. The kids watched as Zarbon, Vegeta's would be rescuer, argued with him.

"Fuck you glamour puss I'm ashamed to be seen with you!" yelled Vegeta.

"Well in that case if you have the situation under control then fine, I won't untie you. Keep him tied up!" yelled Zarbon, who took Darla by the hand and they both walked out of the room.

"Let's go get the baseball bats!" yelled Grisha.

"Yah!" yelled the boys.

Zarbon took little Darla back to his room and tucked her into bed, "Zarbon will Vegeta be all right?" asked Darla.

"Yah he'll be fine, I bet you anything, he's too brave of an arrogant snot to give up so easily, why do you care you hate him." Zarbon said.

"I do hate him, it's just I don't want the boys to get into trouble." Darla said.

"Don't worry if anything everyone will think it's hilarious." Zarbon said.

"Good night." Darla said. As she fell asleep, Blacky jumped onto the bed and snuggled under the covers with her. Zarbon looked at her falling asleep she looked like an angel. Man, if only he had a daughter like her then he would be the happiest man alive. He smiled and then got onto the couch and fell asleep fast.

Meanwhile with Vegeta and the boys, they all found baseball bats and were about to hit Vegeta with them, "You think you're the Italian mafia, then beat me you little brats! Karma will come back to you one hundred times over again!" yelled Vegeta.

"Its beating time!" yelled Aleister.

Before that could happen, Freezer came into the room with a red robe on and some pink bunny slippers, and a cup of hot coffee, "What the hell is going on here?" he asked.

"Its Freezer run!" yelled Grisha.

All the little boys, whose voices have not deepened yet, screamed like helpless little girls and ran out of the room, leaving Freezer and Vegeta behind. Freezer looked confused at the frightened boys running down the hallway and then looked at Vegeta still tied up in the chair, "Oh you have been teaching them how to torture people, how lovely!" yelled Freezer, he dropped his coffee cup breaking it and clapped his hands together.

Vegeta got even more pissed off, "NO!" he yelled.

After the two weeks have passed, and all the kids learned how to use laser guns from the adults, the Freezer Jr. Squad Military Academy was completed and the orphans had a home to live in. Then it was time to say goodbye, although not forever, that day the kids were about to get onto the bus and they had to say goodbye to their adult buddies. Everyone hugged their adult buddies, all except for Vegeta, "See you in hell!" yelled Aleister.

"Likewise." Vegeta said.

After all the kids hugged their adult buddies they got onto the bus, Darla was the last to get on, she was hugging Zarbon tightly, "Don't make me go! You're the only father I've never had!" she yelled crying.

"Don't cry I'll come and visit you!" said Zarbon.

"No you won't!" yelled Darla, Freezer then walked up to her and pulled her away from Zarbon. "Goodbye Zarbon!" she yelled.

"Goodbye Darla, we'll see each other again someday!" yelled Zarbon waving to her. On the bus, she ran to the back, looked out the back window at Zarbon, and started crying even more just as the bus pulled away, on the way to a new life. Zarbon then started sobbing "Goodbye Darla! Don't leave me so soon!" yelled Zarbon crying.

"Well I'm glad those little assholes are gone." Vegeta said.

"No why must everyone that's nice to me die or walk out of my life too soon?" yelled Zarbon. Then he continued cried and ran into the palace.

Vegeta looked at him weirdly, "What a ditz!" he said.

"Well I guess I'll stop being nice to him then." Kiwi said.

For a week, Zarbon did not sleep well and he did not even want to come out and show the world how pretty he was, he was crying nonstop, she was like a daughter to him, he wanted to adopt her, he even went to Freezer asking if he could, but of course, Freezer said no. Kiwi and Apple were worried about him like any good friends would be and where in his room one day while Zarbon was under the covers crying, "Come on Zarbon please don't cry, you'll see her again!" said Apple.

"Yah there is no reason to cry over spilt milk!" yelled Kiwi.

"She's not milk, she was like a daughter to me!" yelled Zarbon sobbing even more.

"Cancers they're so material." Kiwi said.

"Wouldn't it be paternal in Zarbon's case, I mean he is a man." Apple said.

"I haven't gotten any sleep for the last week!" said Zarbon.

"Do what I do! Drink plenty of milk and eat plenty of ice cream, yogurt, no eat some cheese, better yet any dairy product will do!" yelled Kiwi.

"I'll try that thanks for the advice!" said Zarbon. That night he drank a whole gallon of milk and crashed in his bed.

He then started having a weird dream that he was on a cloud floating up to a castle and a bunch of fairies were flying all over him and then started eating their own wands. "God that looks uncomfortable!" said Zarbon.

All the sudden there was a flash of light, and Vegeta appeared in a fairy costume with a girly tiara on his head, then Zarbon started laughing hard, "What's so funny glamour puss!" yelled Vegeta.

"Nothing!" said Zarbon smirking.

"Even in your dreams I won't cut you any slack!" said Vegeta.

Vegeta hit his magic wand on Zarbon's head, "Ouch, that hurt you little terd!" yelled Zarbon.

All the sudden Zarbon was in a suit at a wedding chapel about to kiss the bride, "You may kiss the bride!" yelled the priest.

"Now it's a dream!" said Zarbon pulling the vale off the bride's face, uh how ghastly, the bride turned out to be Freezer.

"Surprise sweet-cakes!" Freezer said making kissy noises at Zarbon.

"NOOOO!" yelled Zarbon while Freezer laughed and the chapel turned into hell.

Zarbon then woke up, "Damn it Kiwi, you block head!" yelled Zarbon.

End of Story


	4. Chapter 4

_Evolution Favors the Strong_

It was morning and Zarbon woke up and as usual doing his hair, looking at himself in the mirror and blah blah, blah. Zarbon then put his armor on as usual and went to Freezer's thrown room, he yawned and smiled, "Good morning everyone! It's such a beautiful day out, I think I'm going to go to the beach and work on my complexion!" he was about to leave.

"Not so fast!" yelled Freezer.

Zarbon stopped dead in his tracks, "What do you mean not so fast!" he asked.

"You have a lesson this morning!" said Freezer.

"But sir I'm a highly intelligent general, I don't need to go to school anymore!" he said.

"No not that kind of lesson, we have an emergency on our hands! There is a new race that is a growing threat to me! " Freezer said.

"So what planet do you want me to conquer?" asked Zarbon.

"No not just on one planet, there are two planets that this race is on, they must be studied and destroyed." Freezer said.

"So why in the world…."

"You are to learn as much as possible about this race and you're taking a class whether you like it or not!" said Freezer.

"Oh bollocks!" said Zarbon.

Well next thing you know Zarbon was in class, with Icey that changeling girl with Tourette syndrome, Shasha Zarbon's brother-in-law who had a reputation of being cruel to helpless women, Salsa, that part changeling part primal changeling hybrid who could not transform at all, but had changeling feet, which he always hid. Worst of all that horrid fourteen-year-old Prince Vegeta, who was possibly the most conflicted of all those odd and sometimes horrid characters. So who was the lecturer then?

All the sudden Cooler came into the room and went to the front of the class, "Hello everyone," he said taking some books out and putting them on the table.

Zarbon raised his hand, "Why are we here today, I wanted to go tanning!" he said.

"I wanted to go and practice with Nappa and Raddiz so that one day I could be ruler of the universe!" said Vegeta.

"Yah and Constantine didn't want me to go anywhere today, he said he had a surprise for me!" yelled Icey.

"What that he wanted to bring another girl into the room with you two so that you can have an orgy!" laughed Prince Vegeta.

Icey frowned, "Like you know what goes on between Constantine and I!" yelled Icey.

"Come on Vegeta leave her alone," said Zarbon.

"What are you all the sudden a knight in shining armor coming to rescue your Icey from the horrible Sayain Prince!" laughed Vegeta.

Zarbon frowned, "Shut up or I will punch you right now!" yelled Zarbon.

"That's enough!" said Cooler. "Now we're going to lecture on our species each, the reason why all of you are called here today is because you are the strongest of all of Freezer's warriors," said Cooler.

"But I'm not a warrior, I'm just a princess who happens to be your cousin on your father's side," said Icey.

"Yes that may be true, but you do have some fighting potential." Cooler said.

"Ladies should never fight, Freezer said so," said Icey.

"Oh really what does he know about being a warrior," said Cooler.

"Get to the point Cooler!" said Vegeta.

"Ok first of all we must do a quiz, but it's a verbal quiz so it doesn't count for points. Let's begin, first of all what are the most powerful species in the universe?" asked Cooler.

"The Sayains, Changelings and Primal Changelings!" said Icey.

"Very good and what makes the Sayains powerful?" asked Cooler.

"Oh I know this one, because we are not only a warrior race, but we get stronger after every battle that we fight!" said Vegeta. Zarbon and Shasha both laughed, "What's so funny pretty boy and Scarface?" asked Vegeta.

"Oh please I have raped many Sayain women and they didn't stand chance against me!" said Shasha in his thick, deep Russian accent.

"Oh were they peasants or actual warriors?" asked Vegeta.

"Come on Shasha you're being inappropriate." Zarbon said.

"Why do you doubt the ultimate power of a Sayain!" yelled Vegeta to Zarbon.

"If a Sayain got stronger after every battle, I would know about it by now." Zarbon said.

"Ok enough, now why are Primal Changelings a strong race?" asked Cooler.

"Because primal changelings can transform also and they use their other form to defend themselves, and to mate with other primal changelings." Shasha said.

"Sorry to say this, but I think it's stupid that our species attract mates with our other forms." Zarbon said.

Shasha looked at Zarbon surprised, "You're pretty weird for a primal changeling." He said.

"Yah right I have seen none of you transform!" said Vegeta. Shasha and Zarbon glared at Vegeta.

"So why are Changelings powerful species?" asked Cooler.

"Because Changelings can also transform and we can fight because we're built to fight, like the Sayains we are a warrior race and like the primal changelings we use our other forms to attract a mate as well." Icey said.

"What about hybrids?" asked Salsa a little embarrassed. Vegeta decided to attack Salsa in a vicious way, "You're a hybrid you don't count at all!" said Vegeta laughing.

"Vegeta leave him alone," said Zarbon.

"I didn't ask you glamour puss!" said Vegeta.

"That's enough, now what makes each species weak?" asked Cooler.

"For primal changelings, narcolepsy, epilepsy and bipolar disorder!" said Shasha.

"As for Sayains schizophrenia and mental and physical retardation, my younger brother is physically and mentally retarded I know so!" said Vegeta.

Icey seemed to be uncomfortable, but raised her hand anyways, "Narcolepsy, epilepsy, and Tourette syndrome." She said.

"Ok that was good, but now we have a new concern, there is a growing threat among the humans!" said Cooler.

"Oh not this stupid talk about humans again!" said Vegeta.

"Oh yes again, this time we have found out information that they are at war on earth and that they made it into space and to the moon!" said Cooler.

"But which planet, there are two planet earths, the one which Kakarot lives on and the one that religion is on," said Zarbon.

"Now why do we stay away from humans?" asked Cooler.

"Because they are diseased, horrid to their own kind just because of the color of their skins and because they treat other species ignorantly!" said Icey.

"You forgot one thing; their lives are based on radical ideas such as politics and religion." Cooler said.

"Ew I hope I never meet a human, they're one of the weakest species in the universe!" said Vegeta.

"I hope I never meet a human either, they're horrible!" said Zarbon. Little did those two dimwitted bigots know that they would mate with two very different human girls from two different planet earths someday; Vegeta with a shallow, but intelligent girl, and Zarbon after he would be resurrected by a different, but powerful girl. She would give him two beautiful, healthy hybrid children who would look more like him, but act more human in temperament. He would eventually become a US citizen and live on earth for the rest of his days, but that was in the far future after both of them would be resurrected, for Zarbon it would be the second time.

"So what do you suggest we do?" asked Zarbon.

"We're going to practice on ourselves, we're going to pretend that one of you is the human whereas one of you isn't, since we have an odd number one of you will be paired up with me." said Cooler.

"This will be good." Vegeta said.

"Shasha you're going to be paired up with Icey." Cooler said.

"Ew," She said.

Vegeta laughed, "That's so hilarious, paring a girl up with Shasha!" he laughed again.

"Salsa you'll be paired up with me!" said Cooler.

"Hell he's only paired up with Cooler because he's his illegitimate son with those deformed feet!" said Vegeta.

"Then that means…" said Zarbon.

"Yes you and Vegeta will be paired up!" said Cooler.

"Oh man!" said Vegeta.

"Cooler can you reassign partners, I don't think it was a great idea to put Icey with such a horrid man, and Vegeta is so annoying and whines when he doesn't get what he wants!" said Zarbon.

"Zarbon is right, you can't put me with this glamour puss, I'm embarrassed to be seen with him!" said Vegeta.

"Yes I will, you guys will be working together someday and you're going to have to learn to get along as comrades, Shasha go easy on Icey she's a girl." Cooler said.

"Bring it on I'll hurt him!" said Icey.

Outside everyone was waiting for Cooler to get there, Icey yawned while Shasha belched, "Say excuse me!" said Zarbon.

"Fuck no, I will do as I please!" said Shasha scratching his hairy blue chest. All the sudden Cooler showed up with three pieces of paper and gave each team their own, "What this?" asked Shasha.

"This is where you are assigned to go on Planet Freezer, when you attack the humans you will be working in different conditions, since all of you are mammals it's all right for you to work in various conditions. " said Cooler.

Zarbon looked at the piece of paper, "Why do we have to do this, is this really necessary?" asked Zarbon.

"Yes those humans have invented a horrible device that could wipe this whole planet from the universe!" said Cooler.

"You mean the Atom bomb?" asked Zarbon.

"Yes that!" said Cooler.

"But sir…." Zarbon said.

"No buts, we need to prepare in case those humans get to our planet and try to colonize it!" said Cooler.

"But sir, those humans are weak compared to us! They can't fly nor can they shoot fireballs the size of atom bombs like we can, and they can't transform, what right have we to take them on when they're not even here to begin with!" said Zarbon.

"Could you tell Gandhi here to shut his trap before I make him!" yelled Vegeta.

"You shut up you little bastard!" yelled Zarbon.

"Guys that's enough, now let's go over our missions shall we? Shasha and Icey will be going to the snowy mountains to train in harsh cold conditions. Salsa and I will go to the desert to train in the hot conditions, whereas Zarbon and Vegeta will go to the rainforest to train in forestry conditions. Are we all clear?" asked Cooler.

"Yes!" everyone yelled.

"Ok let's all head out!" all the sudden everyone went flying to their destinations.

Everyone went to the destinations that they were supposed to go to, Shasha and Icey went to Mount Cooler where there was a bunch of snow on there and wore coats so they wouldn't catch a draft, Cooler and Salsa went to the Desert of Mirages, while Zarbon and Vegeta went to the Rainforest of the Sun. When they got there they stood there staring at each other not knowing how to train with one another, they have never before teamed up and they despised each other for different reasons.

"Well are you just going to stare at me like a deer in the headlights, or are we going to train?" asked Vegeta.

"Do we have to?" asked Zarbon.

"Yes we do, I don't like it either, I say you pretend to be the human and I be the Sayain!" said Vegeta.

"That's not fair, you have the skin complexion of a human and you look more human than I do!" said Zarbon.

"This isn't about who looks more human or acts more human, it's necessary if we want to get something done. Come on we want to eradicate the humans so we need to practice destroying them!" Vegeta said.

"I think that the ideas that Cooler and Freezer come up with are nothing more than paranoid- schizophrenic ideas." Zarbon said.

"How would you know what's good for Planet Freezer?" asked Vegeta.

"If only Planet Freezer was a democracy then I would see no reason to attack any race, but no I won't handle this totalitarianistic regime!" said Zarbon.

"Are you speaking some other language right now, because you'll get nowhere with peace! How dare you borrow those ideas from the humans!" said Vegeta.

"Cooler and Freezer just want us to hurt the humans because they're probably afraid of competitions with such an intelligent race is all." Zarbon said.

"They need to go Zarbon, they are a threat to this universe almost as much as Freezer, so stop being an idealist and let's start fighting!" said Vegeta.

"But Vegeta, this is stupid!" said Zarbon.

"Come on I want to fight you right now, I'm a Scorpio so you don't want to piss me off!" said Vegeta putting his fists up. Zarbon all the sudden had a chemical imbalance in his brain and fell to the ground and started sobbing, Vegeta was stunned, was it possible that he was a big crybaby, was it possible that he was just trying to fake cry out of this one? "What's the matter?" asked Vegeta a little concerned although he did not like Zarbon.

"I miss my mum, she died when I was only three, and I never got to say goodbye! My dad doesn't even talk to me!" said Zarbon.

"Look my dad died a year ago and I never knew my mother because she died giving birth to me, but do you see me crying about it?" asked Vegeta. Zarbon all the sudden started laughing, "What in the world?" asked Vegeta.

"You don't understand I didn't get a chance to take my medicine today!" Zarbon said laughing, and then he started crying again.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Have you gone mad?" asked Vegeta.

"Freezer didn't tell you?" he laughed and he cried then laughed again, "I'm manic-depressive! I inherited the disorder from my old man, who when manic used to yell a lot and have unsafe sex with other females!" said Zarbon laughing.

"Why the hell is that funny?" asked Vegeta.

"It's not, I can't help it, and it's the chemical imbalance in my brain! Freezer doesn't usually allow me to go on missions if I don't take my medicine! "Zarbon said.

"Oh great, when I get back I'm going to kill Cooler!" yelled Vegeta.

"Not if I kill you first! You better run!" all the sudden Zarbon got pissed off and stared walking towards Vegeta.

"Now Zarbon! Calm down! If I go to the pharmacy then maybe I can get you some medicine so we can fight like we're supposed to!" said Vegeta.

"You don't understand, I want to go swimming in the sea! Yes!" All the sudden Zarbon pushed Vegeta out of the way, ran to the river, and jumped in and started swimming.

"Zarbon stop you're going insane!" yelled Vegeta.

"So what why do you care?" asked Zarbon.

Little did Zarbon know that he was in danger, because below him was a huge dinocroc and it snuck up behind him, Vegeta immediately saw that it was behind him in the water, "What do I do? Should I let him live, or let him die? " he started sweating as he was thinking about whether he should save Zarbon from getting eaten."Oh my God, get out of there!" yelled Vegeta.

"But I'm having fun, no I won't!" yelled Zarbon.

"Fine die then!" yelled Vegeta who ran into the forest.

"What?" Zarbon turned around and saw the enormous croc about to swallow him up. "Oh bollocks!" the croc then swallowed him up, went onto land on its hind legs and then spit Zarbon up. "Ew this is so gross!" he yelled covered in goo.

All the sudden the croc hissed and then Zarbon smiled, "You don't scare me, I need some breakfast because I haven't had any today!" all the sudden he flied onto the croc's back. "Ye ha! Getty up!" he yelled, he kicked the croc in the shin.

Vegeta looked out from behind the tree, "What the hell is that mentally ill retard doing now?" he asked himself.

"Vegeta come on you're missing a lot of fun!" yelled Zarbon, all the sudden the croc could take it no more, it threw Zarbon off and he was knocked into a tree. Vegeta ran over to Zarbon and helped him up, "Oh what the fuck happened?" asked Zarbon.

"Let's get out of here now!" yelled Vegeta he took Zarbon by the hand and they ran into the forest, the crocodile was pissed off and he started running after them.

"But it was so fun to ride a crocodile, I mean I've never ridden a crocodile before in my life!" yelled Zarbon.

"Will you shut up and just stay with me!" yelled Vegeta, they climbed up a tree.

The crocodile was below it hissing. "At least salties can't climb trees." Zarbon said. All the sudden the croc ran the opposite direction and ran into the tree trying to knock it down.

"Oh no!" yelled Vegeta.

"I'll stop him!" Zarbon then grabbed a coconut off the tree and threw it down onto the croc's head, of course he did not budge, he hissed some more.

"Oh God you only made it angrier!" yelled Vegeta. Zarbon then got pissed off and jumped down from the tree, "What are you doing now? It's going to kill you!" yelled Vegeta.

Zarbon then flew up to the croc's face and angrily slapped it, "Shame on you! Trying to kill us when we're at the top of the food chain!" yelled Zarbon.

The croc looked confused and used his claws to scratch its head, "Look we're princes and you won't eat us you hear me?" he asked. "You will serve us! Now lie down so we can get onto your back!" Zarbon yelled. All the sudden the croc did the most unlikely thing, he lied down and let Zarbon get onto his back.

"What the hell?" asked Vegeta.

"I think that Shasha forgot to mention something, that my species are highly psychic and can communicate with animals by staring into their eyes and giving them mental pictures." Zarbon said.

"That's impossible!" yelled Vegeta.

"Come on hop on we'll go home!" yelled Zarbon. Vegeta then hopped onto the dinocroc and he started running, jumped into the water, and swam under the sea with Zarbon holding onto his neck and Vegeta holding onto Zarbon with his tail. The croc swam up, jumped onto land, and started running again, and then he jumped the cliff on the other cliff, as he went flying into the air. Vegeta was scared that he was going to fall down into the canyon, while Zarbon yelled with enthusiasm, "Hell yah!" he yelled.

"This is horrifying!" yelled Vegeta.

Meanwhile back at the palace Shasha, Icey, Salsa and Cooler had finished their missions, so Cooler walked back and forth with a pad of paper, "Ok so tell me the status of the missions that you all did, starting with Salsa and I!" he yelled.

"That's an easy one, we went to the desert and I threw a torpedo at him, but I missed, other than that we switched roles playing the human, and father busted my butt!" said Salsa with a black eye.

Cooler then smiled, "Very good Salsa, that's my boy! What about Shasha and Icey?"

"Well we also pretended to play the human; Shasha slammed me into a mountain top causing an avalanche, and then I slammed into him knocking him unconscious." She said.

"That didn't happen at all, there was no avalanche and I wasn't knocked unconscious. What really happened was that she got her period too early and gave up fighting with me, because of girly reasons!" said Shasha looking pissed off.

Then Salsa started laughing, "Shut up you asswipe!" yelled Shasha slapping Salsa in the face, Salsa then started crying.

"Ok so you two failed the mission, now where is Zarbon and Vegeta?" asked Cooler.

Everyone shrugged their shoulders, "Look out!" yelled Zarbon from a distance, all the sudden the croc came running over to Cooler and everyone else, everyone was surprised to see Zarbon and Vegeta on the croc, it came to a stop. Vegeta, Zarbon got off, and Zarbon hit the croc in the shin, "Get, go home!" he yelled. The croc roared and ran straight home, everyone just stared at Zarbon and Vegeta.

Cooler was bewildered, "Uh so how did you two do on the mission?" he asked shocked as ever.

"We didn't get anything done all because zippy here started having mood swings, then he almost got us killed!" yelled Vegeta.

"Is that true Zarbon?" Cooler asked.

"Yes its true, I forgot to take my medicine!" said Zarbon.

At Freezer's private office, Freezer was pacing back and forth pissed off and confused, Zarbon and Vegeta just sat in front of the desk quiet as mice. "May I ask what the hell happened that caused you two to screw this practice mission up?" he asked pounding his fists on the table, so hard that his desk broke in half, "Oh dear not again!" said Freezer.

"It was all Zarbon's fault, he didn't take his medicine this morning and he started having uncontrollable mood swings to the point where he started crying, started laughing and tried to kill me!" yelled Vegeta.

"Zarbon is this true?" asked Freezer.

Poor Zarbon could hardly stay away, after he'd taken his medicine an hour ago it kicked in so fast that he was about to go to sleep, "What Freezer?" he asked.

"Vegeta this is your fault too, you should have tried to attack him instead of letting him piss you off! The point of this mission exercise was so that you two could role-play and cream each other, but not kill each other! The humans are a threat to us and we need to have them annihilated!" yelled Freezer.

"Sir it was his entire fault, he didn't bother to tell me, nor did Cooler, that he had manic-depressive disorder, which is a human disorder might I add!" yelled Vegeta.

"Well sometimes my dear Vegeta some genetic mutations make their way into alien species, no species is perfect you know." Freezer said.

"That's not true at all, the Sayain race is the most perfect race in the universe, and don't you dare forget that!" Vegeta then stormed out angry and slammed the door behind him. Zarbon then looked at Freezer.

"Uh I don't think I should make you two work together anymore. He seems to be holding a grudge against you." Freezer said.

"But he shouldn't we got out alive and that's all that matters!" said Zarbon who all the sudden crashed on the floor and went to sleep. For Freezer this was unbearable, having his best solder and general who was only twenty at the time fall asleep in his office, with that Freezer pounded his head on half the broken desk.

End of Story


	5. Chapter 5

**Da Harem of Frieza and Cooler **

It should have been a quiet night like all other nights in the dictator-like invested palace on Planet Frieza. The slave quarters were much nosier than usual. The three remaining Sayains that were not killed in the Sayain genocide or speicide as Zarbon badly joked, Vegeta and his friends Nappa and Raddiz were partying that night. They were having a blast like no other, it was Vegeta's birthday and there was plenty of alcohol to go around.

Vegeta turned either fourteen or fifteen, since the Planet Frieza archives did not always have accurate information, so there was no way of knowing if he was either age. Nappa put massage oil onto the floor, jumped off a small diving board, landed on a huge giant sponge that Vegeta put in the middle of the floor and slid to the other side of the hall!

"YAY! This is so much fun! I haven't had this much fun since killing that one girl that begged for her life on Planet Ishmer!" Nappa said smiling sleazy and laughing like a manic-depressive dork.

"I could so do better than that! Raddiz, come here slave!" Vegeta said clapping his hands as Raddiz went over on the diving board.

After Nappa put the huge sponge back under the diving board that he nailed into the floor, Vegeta climbed the ladder, hopped onto Raddiz's back and had Raddiz jump onto the sponge with Vegeta still on his back! They slid on the sponge down the hallway like Nappa did, but this time it was disastrous.

Liya, Zarbon's psychotic anteater-like ex-girlfriend who dumped him when they were fourteen years old, walked out of her room to tell the Sayains to shut up and let her sleep. However, that didn't go over so well!

"Will you shut the hell up? I'm trying to take a snooze!" she said.

Then Vegeta yelled, "Look out!"

Liya then tried to run, but Raddiz and Vegeta bumped into Liya and they all went flying across the room and smashed into the wall! Last thing Vegeta remembered before being slapped in the face by Liya was that while Raddiz was face down on the ground, Vegeta accidently had his face in Liya's huge breast-implanted tits!

"Wow what knockers you have!" he said smiling.

That's when Liya slapped Vegeta so hard that he went flying across the room and into his own room, in which he landed in the sink! Liya then went and told Zarbon what had happened, Zarbon was not happy since Vegeta and the other Sayains had violated their curfews! Everyone had a curfew, but for some reason Vegeta and the Sayains had no interest in following the rules.

Zarbon had had enough of Vegeta acting like a little prick, it was bad enough that Vegeta was still in love with his ex fiancé, who happened to be Zarbon's younger half-sister, but it was even worse when Vegeta went around acting like a spoiled prince!

The floor was a mess from the night before, and Vegeta was sitting on his bed not paying any attention to what Zarbon was telling him to do.

"Vegeta I told you to clean the floor!" Zarbon yelled at him.

Vegeta just yawned and continued to read his comic book, even though he could not read a word of it, he loved to look at picture books. This did not fool Zarbon, Zarbon knew how illiterate Vegeta was and even tried to get him to read, but that did not work out too well.

"You clean it up," Prince Vegeta said.

"Vegeta you made a mess, you have to clean it up so that nobody gets grossed out by it!" Zarbon said.

"From what I see you're the only one who's grossed out by it." Vegeta said.

"Yes but someone could fall and break their neck! You need to be more responsible or I'm going to tell Frieza that you won't get any more assignments you understand young man?" Zarbon asked.

"Zarbon, why must you treat me like such a slave?" Vegeta asked.

"I'm not treating you like a slave I'm expecting you at act like a grown-up! Take responsibility!" Zarbon then stormed out of the room annoyed like heck by Vegeta.

Vegeta thought that when Zarbon ordered him to take responsibility, he meant for him to act like a slave. Prince Vegeta was one of the biggest slobs and laziest people who lived in Frieza's palace! He was not even raised to clean up after himself, he could not read, he usually demanded Nappa and Raddiz to bath him and brush his own teeth for him! In fact Prince Vegeta was not raised on Planet Frieza, which would explain why he hated people ordering him around.

Yes Zarbon did not like Vegeta either, in fact when Vegeta first met Zarbon, he hated him on the spot, he looked at Zarbon as some kind of leech that worked under Frieza and did not find out until his ex-fiancé told him that Zarbon was actually the heir to Frieza's empire! Zarbon tried to see a good side to Vegeta, but that never happened so he gave up.

Zarbon of course was raised in Frieza's palace ever since his mother dropped him off to be taken-care of by her good friend Cui, sadly she died and it was not really that difficult for Frieza to get the strongest warrior off Planet Primal. He had him here the whole time and adopted him as his heir to the throne since at the time it was thought that Frieza was infertile, which sadly came with a huge price.

Zarbon's freedom would be taken away, although he would have many privileges that none of Frieza's other men would have, he was expected to act like a gentleman and keep his opinions to himself concerning other solders, but he never did and they thought nothing of it.

The only life Zarbon ever knew was a life that was dull and as a slave who dressed up in the finest jewels, cloths and with his hair done up all nice to the point where people "mistaken" him as a live doll. He knew no other life, he was not allowed to go out and have fun like he could when he was younger, but that was the time where he was too young to train and it was happier times other than his mom being dead.

Zarbon did not have a great childhood he was raised by the murdering Frieza, although it was more like a prison to him. He was babysat by his two bumbling nannies, Cui and Appule. Appule was gentle with Zarbon and had been friends with him ever since he took up the job of being Zarbon's other nanny. Cui on the other hand was questionable with Zarbon, but was the first to find out that Zarbon had been raped by Frieza when he was four years old when Zarbon told him about that horrible first night.

As time went on Zarbon was sent to a military school when he was fourteen and when he started becoming rebellious against Frieza, that summer he was sent to a charm school where his ex girlfriends Liya, Dasha and Cooler and Frieza's cousin Icey attended. They were all kicked out after they got drunk one night and vandalized the charm school; they were sent to jail to spend the night and were bailed out by Frieza and Dasha's parents!

Never the less Zarbon did the best he could never to be scandalous ever again. As for Vegeta, he did not care what people thought of him, he was outspoken and he could violent when angered or happy! He went to lunch where Nappa his idiot friend and his other friend Raddiz were sitting there with his food ready and cooked for him.

"I'm not hungry!" Vegeta yelled throwing the food across the cafeteria where the other solders could see him; they would try not to laugh in his presence but would laugh behind his back.

"Vegeta what's the matter with you?" Raddiz asked.

"Oh Raddiz I am so sick and tired of Zarbon treating me like a slave!" Vegeta yelled.

Raddiz and Nappa rolled their eyes; it seemed to them that Vegeta treated them more like slaves than Zarbon did to Vegeta. Zarbon did not even hang out with Vegeta much since he had his own group of friends, who were outcaste anyways by Frieza's other solders. Zarbon had more important things to do than teach Vegeta to clean up after himself.

"Fine if he treats you like a…what did you call it again?" Nappa asked yawning.

"A slave you moron! He tells me to clean up after myself, he tells me to wash my own kitchen and the hallway floor and he tells me to dress appropriately like a prince unless I'm on a mission or something!" Vegeta yelled.

"So what's so bad about that?" Raddiz asked.

Vegeta turned as red as a typical diva girl and kicked Raddiz in the nuts, "See Raddiz it hurts that much, it takes away my dignity to do what I want to do, not what he wants me to do!" Vegeta said.

"Don't you think you're blowing this out of context?" Raddiz asked.

Vegeta was about to hurt Raddiz again, but Nappa kindly intervened, "Vegeta look over there!" he pointed to a group of primal changeling girls and Icejin changeling girls. They were dressed up in silk and surrounding Shasha and Dodoria. They were making out with both of them, and it was too sick for even Zarbon to watch.

"Yuck, who would ever fall for a bunch of r-tards like those? Those girls have better things to do!" Vegeta said.

Nappa and Raddiz looked at Vegeta smiling, "No they don't, they're harem girls." Raddiz said smiling at their exotic beauty.

"They're purtty!" Nappa said giggling uncontrollably.

"Where do I get one of these girls from?" Vegeta asked.

"You don't want any of those girls. You're making a huge mistake!" Zarbon said coming up behind Vegeta with his lunch tray in his hands.

"Why don't you eat beef and pig like the rest of us normal people instead of fish zippy hu?" Vegeta asked.

"Because I think that crocodile and fish is an excellent source of protein that's why. Why don't you clean your room and the mess that you and your friends left in the hallway like I told you to?" Zarbon said throwing it back in his face.

Nappa started to snicker and Vegeta slapped him in the face, "How dare you order me around, especially in front of my slaves!" Vegeta yelled at Zarbon.

"It's my duty to do so, Frieza told me to keep a close eye on you, and not just you but also your so-called slaves!" Zarbon said raising an eyebrow.

"Ew... Frieza put the wrong person in charge that is for sure!" Vegeta said.

"I don't have a choice Frieza could k…" Before Zarbon could finish, Vegeta grabbed his tray and threw it down on his shoes while Nappa and Raddiz laughed at Zarbon when his shoes were covered with fish.

"How about you just mind your own damn business and let me get into trouble by myself! I can handle anything that comes my way Zippy you are not my father, mother and most certainly not my master! Good day and don't come around here again, you're not even a Sayain!" Vegeta said snorting.

"Fine I just wanted to warn you that those harem girls are scandalous and that Frieza doesn't want you or me around them, which I think is understandable in this case." Zarbon said picking up his tray and walking away quickly.

He threw the tray into the kitchen and stormed out of the cafeteria, while Vegeta just had to ask, "What are harem girls anyways?"

Nappa then said, "I don't know I was wondering myself."

"Guys the harem is the most magical place! I only get to go to it on holidays, but Dodoria and Shasha over there get to go there all the time!" Raddiz said.

"How come you get to go and I don't?" Nappa asked.

"Because Frieza thinks I'm smarter than the two of you put together, so I have privileges to be around those beautiful women, and besides if he doesn't pay me in gold, he pays me in women." Raddiz said lying.

In fact, Raddiz had only been in the harem once, when Frieza ordered Zarbon to order Raddiz to clean up the Harem, and he was caught sneaking a peak at those gorgeous girls and men in that harem. A eunuch then kicked him out and from then on it was someone else's job to clean the harem.

"Just let him boast, he'll tire himself out!" Vegeta said shaking his head to Nappa.

Vegeta then came up with a great plan since he thought that maybe he needed to see if Raddiz was lying or telling the truth. As soon as the janitor who was not a Sayain by any means had to clean the Harem up that night Vegeta jumped into the towel bin since he could fit in there. Vegeta was a petite person of 5'3 feet inches tall. The towel bin was filled with fresh towels they were so soft that Vegeta thought about taking a nap!

When the clean towels arrived, the janitor knocked on the door. Alice, Appule's girlfriend, answered the door. She was in fact one of Frieza's concubines along with Cooler's, a pretty brown-skinned Icejin Changeling with purple strips and curled black hair. She was a kind, but very sexual person who was also a good friend of Liya and Frieza and Cooler's cousin Icey.

The girls were in the harem talking girl talk and away from the guy sex slaves. They were laughing, filing their nails and painting their toenails. Some of them even were drawing on the backs of other girls, beautiful designs that were used when making love to those horrible men of Frieza's like Dodoria or Shasha.

Cooler and Frieza were the only men they wanted to make love to, although some of them could not get enough of those bad boys like Dodoria and Shasha. It was not understood why they sometimes preferred Frieza's henchmen Dodoria and Shasha to Frieza and Cooler, but it did not matter, the point was that they were happy just to get paid for it.

They were paid with flowers, boxes of chocolate, beautiful silk gowns and beautiful leather boots, anything beautiful that struck their fancy, if their pursuers felt like paying them, sometimes they just got nothing in return, but most of them were captured as slaves during the massacres and genocide of the Primal Changelings that lived on Planet Frieza.

However, if a Primal Changeling or Icejin Changeling refused sex, it would result in a rape, a murder or basically being thrown on the street or beaten to a bloody pulp. Although most of them loved it in the harem and were good friends with one another, there was hardly any sex competition between the girls or the harem men that Frieza chosen to snuggle with since he was bisexual. They depended on each other's company until Frieza, Cooler, Dodoria or Shasha would come and make love to them!

Prince Vegeta woke up from his short nap when he heard girl talk and giggling in the background. As he listened to them talk for a while, all he knew was that this girl talk was arousing him and he waged his monkey tail to the point where the fresh towel basket shook, the girls looked over at it.

"What was that?" Verochka asked.

"I don't know but I'm about to find out. Wish me luck!" Alice said going over to the basket and opening it up.

"I don't see anything," Alice said. She did not seem to notice that Vegeta was hidden under the white towels and had not been anymore hidden then he would have stuck out like a sore thumb.

Then all the sudden, Vegeta's tail grabbed Alice's arm. "Oh my God, it's got me!" She yelled.

Vegeta then lifted himself up from under the towels and stared at the girls, "It was so hot and stuffy in there, could you possibly give me a glass of water or something?" He asked thinking this was awkward enough as it was.

"Oh my goodness where did you come from?" Verochka asked.

"It's a long story, but I am sweating like a pig and I don't think you want to put those towels on just quite yet." Vegeta said.

"He's so cute! How old are you sir?" Clementine another primal changeling with purple colored eyes asked.

"I'm twenty-four, why how old are you?" Vegeta asked Clementine, although Vegeta was most certainly not twenty-four at all, and none of the girls fell for it, although they thought it was cute.

"AWWWW, he's so cute!" All the sex slaves said at once.

They grabbed Vegeta and dressed him up in silk and the best jewels in the world, he looked in the mirror and said, "I look so stupid!"

Days later nobody knew where Vegeta was, he was supposed to be at practice, he was nowhere to be found. Frieza had a search party for him, while Dodoria and Shasha thought this was a waste of their time and did not care to participate.

Zarbon on the other hand had not choice in the matter. He was sent to the last place he would want to be, the harem! Even though he liked and respected women, unless it was in a situation where he absolutely had to kill women, he had no interest in going there. Not after when he was sixteen and thought that Verochka liked him for him, but turned out to be a sex slave and it pretty much ruined his respect for her and her friends, except Alice he liked her!

When he arrived, all the girls giggled at how cute he was, and he rolled his eyes. He knew they could not take him so seriously in a place like the harem. To those girls he was nothing but a naïve, shy and quiet nerd that was smarter than the rest of Frieza's solders and too good to be around girls like them. They wanted the bad boys, they wanted rapists and murderers that got a kick out of killing people to take their sexuality out on, talk about no self-respect, but they did not have a choose anyways. It's not that he was a goody-tushu, it was that he was too smart and mature for them that drove them nuts.

"Ok I'm cute I get it! I've gotten cute since the day I became beautiful! Now I am here because we are missing a Sayain young adult, he's about 5'3, he has black-colored irises for eyes and black hair, he is fifteen or is he fourteen? Anyways, he looks like a prince and acts like a prince!" Zarbon said.

"Well we did find this one young Sayain who crawled into our basket full of clean towels!" Alice said showing Zarbon to the room where they put Vegeta in. Vegeta was sitting on a throne and dressed up in diamonds, jewels and everything else.

"Oh you got to be kidding me!" Zarbon said angered.

"Zippy did you finally decide to join the party?" Vegeta asked laughing, a lot of the girls snickered in the background.

"Vegeta we have been looking for you for over a week! We had no idea where you were! You were supposed to be cleaning your room, bringing Frieza's dinner to him and kissing Frieza's putrid feet which I had to do in your place! Do you realize how horrible it is to kiss someone's…" Vegeta interrupted Zarbon's story.

"Your story touches me…very little!" Vegeta said.

All the harem girls once again laughed at Zarbon. They thought that Vegeta's sarcastic nature was hysterical and Zarbon had little to no sense of humor, at least not like Vegeta's. Zarbon frowned and continued, "Don't you have any dignity and respect yourself enough to leave these women alone?" Zarbon asked.

"That's why I'm here, they treat me like a king, and you treat me like a slave! I don't have to do my own laundry like you tell me to, clean up after myself, or read anything that has to do with words! I suggest you leave zippy unless you have anything else to say to me, which I hope you don't!" Vegeta said laughing.

Zarbon looked around, "No I'll be going now," Zarbon then stomped away angry while the girls laughed at him.

"See girls this is what happens when you take yourself too seriously, you miss out on life filled with beautiful women like yourselves!" Vegeta said smiling and eating grapes that they gave to him.

Zarbon went to the bar, ordered himself a martini and started gulping it down. That dumb Sayain child, he was so entitled that Zarbon got to the point where he no longer felt sorry for him, instead he was feeling sorry for himself for feeling sorry for Vegeta.

Why should he have felt sorry for Vegeta? Vegeta seemed perfectly happy in that dumb harem! All Vegeta ever did to Zarbon was give him more work, especially since Frieza was the one that conveyed the chores that the Sayain should be doing. Most of Vegeta's chores were the orders of Frieza, so that Frieza could make Vegeta be mad at Zarbon instead of at him! Either way, Vegeta was still hateful of Frieza!

As Zarbon guzzled his martini down, Appule came up to him surprised to see him drinking such hard liquor since he was not much of an alcoholic! "Zarbon what are you doing here?" Appule asked.

"Appule niccce of you to drop iinnnin! Would you like me to orrrdddder you something to drinkkkk?" Zarbon asked slurring his words.

Appule then opened his eyes wide, "I don't drink Zarbon!" he shouted, he led Zarbon away from the bar.

"Zarbon why in the world are you drinking, have I not taught you better than that? Didn't I tell you that alcohol is bad for you?" Appule asked.

"Yes but Frieza drinks wine to the poooiiint where he used to pull my paaannnts dowwwnn and, he bllleeww meee back to tommorroooww!" Zarbon then hiccupped and collapsed in front of Appule.

Zarbon woke up in Appule's room in his bed, "God my head hurts, what happened?" Zarbon asked.

"You should be confused, you are so lucky that you didn't drink enough alcohol to have your liver damaged." Appule said with an angry look on his face.

"What happened, what am I doing here?" Zarbon asked.

Appule shook his head in disappointment, "I can't believe you are acting so irresponsibly Zarbon, I didn't babysit you and teach you manners for nothing! This is how you repay me for making you into an almost goody tushu when Frieza failed to do that himself?" Appule said getting mad at Zarbon.

"It's not my fault that Vegeta is in that stupid harem, I tried to get him out, but he won't budge!" Zarbon said.

"Zarbon we have been through this many, many times, Vegeta is a self-centered little brat that thinks highly of himself since he was raised by King Vegeta and…wait where did you say he was?" Appule asked.

"He's in that harem with those Primal Changeling and Icejin Changeling women!" Zarbon said.

"What? Since when was he allowed to go into that dirty place? Frieza will have a cow if he found out that they were making love to that monkey!" Appule said.

"He can get himself out I'm tired of helping him out, he's a coward and he hates me, and I hate him too!" Zarbon said.

"Yes you should probably stay away from this issue and let Vegeta get himself out of there! However, you're the one who might get into trouble if Frieza found out that you found him in the Harem and you knew about it!" Appule said.

"I don't think Frieza even pays attention to Vegeta enough to really care." Zarbon said.

"Vegeta could be littered with sexually transmitted diseases! Nobody knows for sure what those Sayains do other than destroying buildings and crushing people on the full moon!" Appule said.

"Good point, but I don't know how they would be able to…" Before Zarbon could finish, Appule grabbed him by the arm and led him out of the room.

"Where are we going?" Zarbon asked.

"We're going to set that Sayain straight! I don't want Alice to get a sexually transmitted disease from that Sayain!" Appule said.

"But Appule, I don't think it's ever been proven that Vegeta has a sexually transmitted disease!" Zarbon said.

Meanwhile back in the harem, Vegeta was sitting on the velvet bed with Verochka and Clementine, "Wow you girls know how to make a man feel special. Are you going to be set up with princes and kings from other planets?" Vegeta asked.

They all looked at one another and laughed hard, "No silly, we're here to pleasure kings and other horny males like you!" Verochka said licking her lips.

"Wait, wait, wait, you mean you're going to have sex with me?" Vegeta asked lifting an eyebrow.

"Duh, we're sex slaves! Why else do you think we have such extravagant clothing and bed sheets for? Did you think you were at the top of Paradise Mountain?" Verochka asked.

"Uh what?" Vegeta asked.

"You know Paradise Mountain which is what…" Before Alice could finish what she was saying, Vegeta just smiled uncomfortably.

"You know what it's getting late I have to be going!" he said.

"No you can't leave! You belong to us now! We're going to eat you all up!" Clementine said, licking Vegeta's face with her tongue.

"Oh God sick!" Vegeta stormed out of the harem and ran for his life.

"Come back!" all the girls wailed at him.

Vegeta ran passed Zarbon and Appule fast yelling, "Help! They're going to eat me!" he yelled.

"But Primal Changelings and Icejin Changelings don't eat other mammals." Zarbon said.

"I think he meant the other type of eat, it is the harem after all Zarbon. Wait, Icejin Changelings and Primal Changelings are mammals?" Appule asked.

Later on that night, Vegeta was in his room all tired from being around those silly horny harem girls. He was not happy, he most certainly did not know what a harem was until he found out when they wanted to make love to him…or was it just harmless flirting? Nah!

Nappa and Raddiz came back from a mission they were forced by Frieza to go on, they saw that Vegeta was here when he had been missing for more than a week.

"Vegeta where have you been?" Raddiz said.

"I was here the whole time," Vegeta said.

"No you weren't you were missing for a week, we looked and looked and nobody was able to find you." Raddiz said.

"You mean to tell me I was in that awful place for a week? Are you serious? Think about all the training I need to catch up on to kill Frieza and….I mean to please Frieza and everyone else." Vegeta said lying.

"Duh I thought you hated Frieza and everyone else including us." Nappa said scratching his head.

"I do idiot!" Vegeta yelled.

Later on that night, Vegeta thought of a great vengeance plan, he took his pet monkey's hair samples and put dumped them into the towel bins when the janitor was not looking.

After a hot night of sex with Shasha and Dodoria, the girls showered off like they always did, took their morning after pills like they were supposed to and dried off with the towels. Late that morning all of them were scratching all over the place.

As it turned out, that nasty little prince's monkey had lice! The next day as the girls came into the cafeteria to hang out with Shasha and Dodoria, Vegeta snickered while he saw how much rashes they got just by his monkey's flees on them! Dodoria and Shasha, who were the possibly grossest of Frieza's men, were so grossed out that they left the cafeteria immediately.

Zarbon looked over at the girls and then looked at Vegeta, yep he somehow knew that Vegeta was behind this one, but he would let this one slide by!

End of Story


	6. Chapter 6

_Nothing Like a Male Bonding part 1_

Zarbon was at the bar with his two best friends in the world, Kiwi and Apple. They babysat him when he was a child and they always backed him up whenever he got into trouble.

"Zarbon, can you see what kind of a day I'm going to have?" Apple asked.

Zarbon, unlike Freezer's other men had secret psychic abilities, Freezer recognized this when Zarbon was at a young age and sent him to military school. He then became a more accurate general compared to his other men, for his accurate visions. Not to say that he was always right, just most of the time he was.

"Let's see, maybe I'll contact the spirits," Zarbon then closed his eyes, he was trying to see if any pictures from the spirit world would come into his mind, all the sudden there was a image in his head of a bar of soap. "I see a bar of soap." Zarbon said.

"What? Does that mean that I need to bath more?" Apple asked.

"No I don't think so, but my gut feeling says that you need to buy some more soap." Zarbon said.

"This is dumb, Zarbon doesn't have psychic powers Apple, and it's probably just a coincidence." Kiwi said.

"He does too, he's the one that told me that, wait maybe I do need to buy some more soap. What kind of soap do I need to buy, acne soap, body wash, oil free soap?" Apple asked.

"No just regular soap, trust me it will make you feel better." Zarbon said.

"Ok I've had enough of this psychic nonsense; I say we look at the horoscopes." Kiwi said taking out the newspaper.

"I'm surprised at you Kiwi, you said that Zarbon wasn't a psychic and yet you're reading the horoscope section!" Apple said.

"That doesn't mean that I can't have fun reading the horoscope section no matter how inaccurate it is." Kiwi said sneering at Apple.

"I'm surprise they even publish a horoscope section due to the dictatorship we live under." Zarbon said.

"Let's see I'm a Leo, it says that I'm going to have to watch my step today so that I don't fall down the rabbit hole." Kiwi said.

"What does that mean?" Apple asked.

"This horoscope is crappy!" Kiwi yelled.

"Let's see mine!" Apple said grabbing the newspaper. "I'm a Pisces; at least I think I am. It says that I need to buy some good soap so that I can feel better." Apple said.

"I told you I was psychic," Zarbon said.

"Wow that was amazing, I didn't actually need another bar of soap, Zarbon predicted that that was going to be in the horoscopes, see he is psychic!" Apple yelled in Kiwi's face.

"No he isn't, he probably read that newspaper yesterday or he's in charge of the horoscope section." Kiwi said.

"But this is today's paper; I'm not the person who writes the horoscopes anyways." Zarbon said.

"Right, maybe he read it this morning then." Kiwi said.

Zarbon glared at Kiwi, "I didn't, this is the first time I have ever read today's newspaper." Zarbon said.

"Whatever until further notice I refuse to believe that you have any special powers." Kiwi said.

"Let's read my horoscope I'm a Cancer, it says that your material slash paternal instinct will find you today or tomorrow." Zarbon said.

"That makes sense; you like to be around kids." Apple said.

"Yes sometimes I feel like a lost child, but that's beside the point." Zarbon said.

"I have an idea; let's find out Shasha and Dodoria's zodiac signs!" Kiwi said running over to Shasha and Dodoria's table.

"Hey Shasha, Dodoria what are your zodiac signs?" Kiwi asked.

"Why the fuck do you care?" Dodoria asked.

"I'm reading the horoscope section, I think it's fun to look at." Kiwi said.

"Let's see I know that I'm a Virgo, and what are you again Shasha are you a Libra or a Scorpio?" Dodoria asked.

"I was born in early October, I think. Yes I am Libra!" Shasha said.

"Ok thank you!" Kiwi then ran back to Zarbon and Apple. "Ok Dodoria is a Virgo and it says that he's quite contrary today. Funny he's always contrary." Kiwi said.

"Never mind about Dodoria, what about Shasha he's just as ruthless and horny as Dodoria!" Apple said excitedly.

"Ok he said he was a Libra, it says that he'll be put to the test to use his brute strength." Kiwi said.

"Look Vegeta is walking over to Shasha and Dodoria's table with Nappa and Raddiz!" Apple said.

It was true, Vegeta that arrogant prince who was only fifteen years old liked to pick fights with the other solders on occasion, other than that they pretty much left him alone. Nobody liked Vegeta; he was arrogant, rude and sometimes crude. Even Freezer's worst men had better manners at times than Vegeta, "Hey hooked nose! Yah I'm talking to you bluebell!" Vegeta yelled at Shasha.

Shasha turned around, "What do you want Vegeta?" he asked.

"Why don't you ring your bell for me that is if you have one!" Vegeta laughed along with Nappa and Raddiz.

"What is this bell that you speak of?" Shasha asked not getting the local dialect, Shasha's first language was actually Russian, and spoke with a thick Russian accent.

"It's a dick, a Johnston, a penis!" Vegeta yelled.

"Are you asking to get raped young man?" Shasha asked angrily standing up.

"You're going to have to get through Raddiz and Nappa first!" Vegeta snapped his fingers and Raddiz and Nappa looked intimidating, but Shasha was not scared, he was a primal changeling just like Zarbon.

"Dodoria let's take these savages on!" Shasha said.

"Yes let's!" he said.

Kiwi looked at the horoscope section, "Crap Vegeta is a Scorpio right?" he asked.

"I don't care what he is as long as he's nowhere near me." Zarbon said drinking his green tea.

"It says that he'll be a little aggressive today and that he needs to watch what he says." Kiwi said.

"This doesn't look good!" Apple said covering his eyes.

"Are you ready?" Dodoria asked Shasha.

"I'm ready when you're ready!" Shasha yelled cracking his knuckles.

"Let's do it, I'm anxious for a good fight today!" Nappa yelled.

"Me too!" Raddiz agreed.

"I can't watch!" Apple yelled in despair.

The thugs all started fighting one another, it got so ugly that they all found each other in the hospital with some broken bones, bite marks, bruises and scratches all over their bodies. All four of them were in the same hospital room unable to move because they were so sore.

Freezer was not happy about this, "What is the matter with all of you! You won't be able to help conquer planets for at least two months!" Freezer yelled.

"I can't talk right now, I'm tired!" Shasha yelled.

"Uh this situation shouldn't have even occurred!" Freezer yelled like a whinny bitch.

Nappa then asked, "Is Vegeta ok?"

"Vegeta, Vegeta? It's because of him that you're all in the hospital! What do you mean is he ok? He didn't have a scratch on him, that little worm!" Freezer yelled.

"He doesn't have anyone to look after him; I won't be able to get out of the hospital for at least a week!" Raddiz said.

"We want him to be safe; I promised his father that I would take care of him and that nothing bad would happen to him!" Nappa said.

"You're right I completely forgot that you two are his only guardians and friends, I'm going to have to have someone else look after him for at least a week. I'll find someone!" Freezer said pointing a finger into the air and putting his hand on his hip.

When Freezer got back to the palace, he was thinking about who would be the better candidate for being Vegeta's guardian. "Let's see there are only three people that I can trust more than anyone that I know. Kiwi, Apple and then there is Zarbon!" Freezer said to Cooler.

"Look there are possibly better people to look after Vegeta than them. Maybe I'll call Icey, she's good with children." Cooler said filing his nails.

"No she's annoying and Vegeta would probably kill her in a moment, not a bad idea!" Freezer said.

"No I love Icey more than any of our other family; you can't let that little monster be around her!" Cooler said standing up.

"Let's just see where this goes." Freezer said laughing.

Therefore, he got Icey to babysit Vegeta, "We're going to have so much fun!" Icey yelled. She had a mild case of Tourette and she could be annoying.

"Why the hell did they make me be around you?" Vegeta thought to himself.

"Perhaps you would like a cup of tea?" Icey asked in her annoying British accent.

"Maybe," Vegeta said looking at the floor.

Icey took a sip of her tea, "Ouch this is still fucking hot? I mean it hasn't cooled down at all, hold on I'll go make some more tea." Icey said walking to the kitchen.

It was true that Icey was not so bad of a person once you got past her annoying voice and emotional outbursts, while she was in the kitchen Vegeta took out of bottle of hot sauce and poured it into her tea. Besides killing people, that was the most evil thing he had ever done.

Icey got back a few minutes later and sat down, "Perhaps my tea has cooled off, and here is your tea." She said giving Vegeta a cup of tea. She then drank her tea, "Ew this tastes awful!" She yelled.

"Maybe it didn't cool down yet." Vegeta said trying not to smile.

"Ouch I feel a weird sensation in my throat and on my tongue, ouch it hurts, help!" She yelled and then fainted without being able to stand the pain, Vegeta just sat there at the table laughing and drinking his tea.

Poor Icey had to go to the ER to get her burnt tongue and her burnt throat cooled off, Constantine her husband was by her side the whole time. Freezer was laughing in the ER hard while Cooler was concerned for Icey's safety, "I can't believe you Freezer; you harmed our most harmless family member by putting her in charge of babysitting that sociopath Vegeta!" Cooler yelled.

"You know how much I despise Icey right?" Freezer snickered.

"She didn't deserve what she got, she wouldn't have hurt you and you know it!" Cooler yelled.

"Still she's annoying and stupid." Freezer said laughing.

"Now who's going to babysit Vegeta? We need someone that is good with children and can handle his arrogance!" Cooler yelled.

Freezer thought for a moment, he knew the perfect person in mind, someone he could be trusted around kids better than anyone, no not Captain Ginyu, he would not go anywhere near Vegeta, besides he couldn't afford Captain Ginyu to get hurt or killed, he was needed to mold the minds of those youngsters at the Ginyu Force Academy.

Then he thought Kiwi, no way. Kiwi was unpredictable and he was a troublemaker despite the fact that he was good with children; he might be a bad influence on Vegeta.

Liya maybe, she was another female, she was tough, no wait she was on a long mission that would last for at least a week.

Maybe Apple would be up for the job, but he was too gentle and fragile to deal with someone like Vegeta. He would probably go crying to Freezer or Zarbon for help.

Yes, Zarbon that was the person he had in mind now, he was a prince like Vegeta, he was vain, although he did not rub it in people's faces the way Vegeta did with his major arrogance. He was the gentlest person that Freezer had, he would not harm a child or women unless Freezer asked him to, whereas Freezer's other men would love to violate children or helpless women.

Zarbon was also stern and quiet enough to teach Vegeta some manners and to respect other people. He was not a womanizer or a manizer like Freezer's other men, maybe he could teach Vegeta to respect women like Icey or Liya. Vegeta after all was mean enough to hit or yell at a woman, but not sleazy enough to rape one.

Besides Freezer forbade Zarbon to have sex with a female or a male, he was too shy to go up to women. Either way this child needed to soften up before he would once again be in the presence of his caretakers Nappa and Raddiz.

Freezer then called Zarbon to his office, "But Freezer I can't babysit Vegeta this week, tomorrow night is the concert, Womanizers are in town." Zarbon said.

"That group's music sucks anyways Zarbon; you are the best person for the job! I tried to get Icey to do it, but Vegeta almost killed her by pouring hot sauce into her tea." Freezer said.

"Ouch, that's horrible." Zarbon said.

"Besides you're the most gentle with children and women, you do help your sister out with your nieces right?" Freezer asked.

"Yes sir, Shasha is lazy and doesn't do shit to help her out." Zarbon said.

Shasha after all was Zarbon's brother-in-law, who betrayed him by going after Zarbon's younger half-sister Miretta and married her just after he met her. He used to be Zarbon's trainer, but Zarbon used Kiwi from now on, if that was not bad enough, Shasha beat the living shit out of Miretta and sometimes raped her in front of their daughters.

"Maybe Miretta could babysit him?" Freezer asked.

"No way, he's too hurt by her." Zarbon said.

After all, before Vegeta and Miretta became residents of Planet Freezer, their fathers King Vegeta and King Morphiess betrothed them to each other. Then when Miretta married Shasha, Vegeta was heartbroken and promised himself never to talk to her again.

"Just do it, you're going to have to miss that concert!" Freezer said.

"But sir…" Freezer then interrupted Zarbon.

"Welcome to parenthood!" Freezer said.

Zarbon sighed, next thing you know he let Vegeta come into his room and let him stay. Vegeta was surprised that Zarbon had his own little kitchen installed in his room, "You have a kitchen?" he asked.

"Yes don't you?" Zarbon asked.

"No I live in the slave quarters with the sex slaves, Nappa and Raddiz." Vegeta said.

Zarbon did not know anything about the slave quarters other than the fact that usually sex slaves that occupied it. Even the sex slaves had kitchens of their own, but how could Vegeta be telling the truth then?

All the sudden Blacky rubbed up against Vegeta's legs, "Ew I hate cats!" Vegeta said. He was scared to death and he ran away.

"Blacky is friendly he wouldn't hurt a soul." Zarbon said.

"I don't care, I hate cats! I have always hated them and always will!" Vegeta yelled.

"I don't understand people that hate cats." Zarbon said.

"I don't like animals period to the end! I don't like dogs, horses or hamsters!" Vegeta yelled.

"I can't understand someone would hate animals, cats and dogs are the noblest creatures." Zarbon said crossing his arms.

"I don't care, in my culture dogs are considered evil and cats are considered evil too! Cats are considered spies for the evil gods whereas dogs are considered servants to the evil gods." Vegeta said.

Zarbon rolled his eyes, "Ok this is strange, in my culture cats are considered psychic and are used to assist the sorcerers of the planet that I was born on! Whereas I was born in the year of the dog, my Chinese zodiac said." Zarbon said.

"I have no time for this mumbo jumbo! I want a banana man servant!" Vegeta said sitting on the couch kicking his feet on the couch.

"First of all know your place, I'm not a servant, I'm a prince just like you! I have a higher position; you haven't the right to tell me what to do! I am babysitting you; I'm the one that should be giving orders, not you!" Zarbon said.

"Shut up you dog; go fetch the bone that I threw to you!" Vegeta said sarcastically.

Zarbon tried to keep his rage under control, then all the sudden it is as if a guardian angel saved him from beating the shit out of Vegeta, Kiwi and Apple walked into the apartment.

"Hello Zarbon are you ready to go to that concert?" Kiwi asked showing the tickets.

"I can't get Liya to go with you." Zarbon said.

"Liya is on a week-long mission Zarbon, besides the Womanizers only come into town every two years." Apple said.

"I'm not going; I have to babysit Vegeta because Freezer told me to." Zarbon said.

"Yah so now what fish boy?" Vegeta said smiling.

Kiwi then smiled diabolically, "You're going with us whether you like it or not, I'll just copy the ticket and Forde it." Kiwi said smiling.

"You mean?" Apple asked shocked.

"That's right Vegetable boy is coming with us!" Kiwi said.

"No he can't go, he's only fifteen, that concert is for grownups only!" Zarbon said.

"So what, we can lie about his age, he looks like he's getting older everyday!" Kiwi said.

"I can't go I have work to do, and I have to watch him, very closely!" Zarbon said.

"Shut up Cinderella or else I'll throw your glass slipper at your head!" Vegeta yelled.

"I don't have a glass slipper!" Zarbon said.

"Let's go to that concert Kiwi!" Vegeta said smiling.

At the concert later on that night, Zarbon, Kiwi and Apple somehow got Vegeta into the concert without him having to show some ID.

Kiwi was drinking some hard liquor while Vegeta was sitting on Zarbon's shoulders, "Come on zippy get closer!" Vegeta said pulling Zarbon's thick green hair.

"Ouch I'm going to drop you if you don't stop pulling my hair!" Zarbon said.

"Oh I'm so scared!" Vegeta said.

"Are you sure it's such a good idea to be drinking booze around the kid Kiwi?

Kiwi was starting to get drunk, "What the fuck are you talking about, this bottle is my best friend!" Kiwi said slurring his words.

"Ew you smell like a hobo Kiwi!" Apple said disgusted with Kiwi's whiskey breath.

"Let me have some of that Kiwi!" Vegeta said.

"Here you go, now shut up!" Kiwi said getting another whisky bottle out.

Vegeta grabbed the bottle and drank the whole thing, "Vegeta it's not a good idea to drink liquor, due to your size you will get drunk very easily." Zarbon said.

Zarbon was right, by the middle of the concert Vegeta was drunk on Zarbon's shoulders and fell off him, "Vegeta are you all right?" Zarbon asked.

"Get the hell away from me zippy! I was supposed to fuck your sister, not that horrible Cyrillic Shasha!" Vegeta said belching.

"That's unacceptable!" Zarbon said about to kick Vegeta's ass, after all the thought of Vegeta wanting to fuck her drove him almost to insanity.

Apple got in Zarbon's way, "Zarbon come on he's drunk just lighten up, and he's just saying that because he feels confident about telling the truth. Tomorrow he's going to wake up and pretend that he doesn't remember a thing that he's said to you." Apple said.

"Good point," Zarbon said.

The next night, Zarbon was asleep in his bed, while Vegeta could not sleep. He looked at Blacky licking his paw, and then he thought of a diabolical idea that could get Zarbon away from him farther to the point where he would go to the dungeon for a week. Of course, at the time, he did not think this idea through because he did not know that Freezer hated animals too.

Vegeta got a pan and tied it to Blacky's tail to see how long he could run without his tail breaking, Zarbon heard a horrible blood-curling meow, he woke up, "Blacky what's the matter?" Zarbon asked getting out of bed. He then turned on the lights and saw that Blacky was struggling to move, and saw that Vegeta was laughing at him. "Blacky! Vegeta what did you do to my baby?" Zarbon asked.

"I wanted to see how long he could go without suffering or breaking his tail!" Vegeta said laughing. Zarbon got so pissed off at how cruel Vegeta was being to his beloved cat that he grabbed him and threw him across the room. "What did I do?" Vegeta asked.

"You tied a pan to my cat's tail what kind of a person are you? You're a savage, you're never going to be loved or admired if you act like a tyrant! In fact you and Freezer should go and make out in a closet somewhere!" Zarbon yelled.

"Ew that sounds beyond gross!" Vegeta said.

"Stay away from my cat, he had done nothing to deserve your cruelty, if you hate me so much then take it out on me, but not out on a defenseless animal!" Zarbon said.

"I was defending myself?" Vegeta shrugged his shoulders.

"Get out you savage!" Zarbon opened the door up, threw Vegeta out, and locked the door after he shut it.

Vegeta did not cry, nor did he get pissed off he just laughed instead, "Now to play the victim." Vegeta said.

Vegeta knocked on Kiwi's door and Kiwi opened it up, "Vegeta what do you want?" Kiwi asked.

"Zarbon doesn't like me anymore." Vegeta said fake crying.

"I hate to tell you this, but he never liked you and I don't either." Kiwi said.

"I want to know how to fit in; he threw me into the door and called me a savage!" Vegeta said crying even more crocodile tears.

"Why do you care about fitting in so much, you do not even come over and say hello to me when I'm eating lunch." Kiwi said.

"I've just decided that you're the coolest person in the world, will you teach me how to be cool?" Vegeta asked.

Kiwi was easily manipulated by Vegeta, "Come with me, let's talk in private so that I can teach you all that I know about being cool." Kiwi said.

Vegeta walked into the room with Kiwi, "This is going to be easier than making love to a dead horse!" Vegeta thought.

Meanwhile Apple was sleeping then Zarbon knocked on his door and he answered it, "Zarbon it's after curfew hours, you're not supposed to be…" Zarbon grabbed Apple by the arm, went into his quarters and shut the door.

"Vegeta is a sociopath!" Zarbon said.

"We know that Zarbon, we all know that." Apple said.

"But this time he's gone too far, he tied a pan to my cat's tail and poor Blacky couldn't move!" Zarbon said.

"How is that being a sociopath?" Apple asked.

"He could have hurt Blacky, Blacky is damn lucky that he didn't break his tail!" Zarbon said.

"I see what you mean, I'm sorry I didn't understand before, but I'm kind of too tired to be hearing your complaining Zarbon." Apple said.

"We need to do something about Vegeta; he's going to hurt someone else if he sticks around here!" Zarbon said.

"But Freezer's other men kill people and rape women too." Apple said.

"Yes but he doesn't know how to control that brutality of his, he claimed that he was afraid of Blacky because the Sayains looked at cats and dogs as evil messengers to the evil Gods." Zarbon said.

"No such superstition," Apple said.

"What?" Zarbon asked with his eyes widening.

"Yes I have studied the Sayain race and their culture, in fact they're not religious at all, they're atheists! Besides they respect animals like cats and dogs, and they usually keep monkeys as pets." Apple said.

"That pathological liar one of these days karma is going to come back to him in the nastiest way possible!" Zarbon said.

"Until that day happens, please go back to your courters, I need some more shuteye, we'll talk about this tomorrow." Apple said yawning.

End of Part 1


	7. Chapter 7

_Nothing Like a Male Bonding, part 2_

The next day, Apple asked Zarbon to accompany him and his concubine girlfriend Alice to visit Icey in the hospital, after all Zarbon was so pissed off at Vegeta that he figured that staying away from him was the best idea…for now.

Icey was in bed with Constantine by her side and Cooler was there too, he cared about Icey, almost as much as Freezer. "When am I going to get out of this hospital, I'm afraid of hospitals Constantine!" Icey said in her now raspy voice, her throat and tongue, burnt so badly that she did not sound girly and squeaky like she always did.

"You have to stay in the hospital dear or else you're going to run into that psycho again." Constantine said.

"Don't worry he's nowhere to be seen, I think he's with Zarbon, he's being taken care of by him." Cooler said.

"You put that glamour-puss in charge of a psycho like Vegeta?" Constantine asked.

"Look he's the only other person other than Icey that can be trusted with someone like Vegeta." Cooler said.

"But why him, he's so naïve, he's so glamorous, and so intelligent to the point where we both argue about how to conquer a planet!" Constantine said. He was a general after all, like Zarbon he helped plan out conquering planets, except he studied them first before conquering them, whereas Zarbon usually sent scouts out to report the status and what areas look safe to conquer.

"Relax Constantine, I myself trust Zarbon a lot better than I would trust Freezer's other men…" Just then, before Cooler could finish what he was saying, Zarbon, Apple and Alice barged into the room to visit Icey. "Zarbon where the hell is Vegeta?" Cooler asked.

"I haven't a clue where he is, I haven't seen him all morning." Zarbon said.

"How did this happen?" Constantine asked.

"I actually kicked him out of my room because he tried to torture my cat." Zarbon said.

"Yes I knew it would be something silly like this, how did I know?" Constantine asked with his arms crossed.

"You would be pissed off too if your beloved pet were to succumb to Vegeta's wrath!" Zarbon said.

"It already happened; my wife was completely innocent and had done nothing to deserve this!" Constantine said.

"How are you doing Icey?" Alice asked.

"I still can't talk much, it hurts to talk." Icey said in her raspy sounding voice.

"Oh dear you sound different." Zarbon said.

"What do you mean I sound different?" Icey asked.

"In other words you sound like shit dear." Constantine said.

"Do we have to argue in front of Zarbon and everyone else dear?" Icey asked.

"Here I bought you some flowers," Zarbon said handing Icey the flowers.

"How sweet, its lavender I love lavender!" Icey said sniffing the flowers.

Little did Zarbon and friends know that Liya came back from her mission earlier, and that someone told her that Zarbon was visiting a friend in the hospital. The person told her what floor he was on and what room he was visiting, but did not say who he was visiting. She thought that maybe Apple or Kiwi got hurt or something, but she never knew what hit her until she peaked into the room where Icey, Zarbon and everyone else were in.

"Would you feel much better if I gave you a hug?" Zarbon asked Icey.

"Yes that would make my day!" Icey said, she grabbed Zarbon and hugged him tightly. Liya could not believe her eyes, she had some jealously issues.

Zarbon and Liya were the same age and knew each other from childhood. They even used to date and then broke up because he could not afford to get close to a female and accidently impregnate her, not that that was an issue, they were entirely different species and were in no way related.

Liya just looked at Icey with rage, "That little bitch has once again stolen him from me!" She thought to herself, she walked away angry and went back to the palace.

Meanwhile Vegeta was talking to Kiwi, or at least sitting on his bed trying to figure out what was going on, "So there is a way that I can get people to like me?" Vegeta asked.

"Yep, but first we must start with the ladies!" Kiwi said.

"The ladies?" Vegeta asked raising an eyebrow with excitement.

"That's right; you have to fuck as many girls as possible in order for them to spread good things about you." Kiwi said.

"One problem though, all the sex slaves I've done it with said I was bad in bed. That is so not true!" Vegeta said.

"Ok as soon as one of Freezer's concubines get here then we can show you or at least instruct you how to sleep with a woman." Kiwi said.

"I don't quite follow." Vegeta said.

"It's easy…" There was a knock on the door, "That must be her! I'm coming, my darling!" Kiwi said getting a box of chocolates, "Hello sweetheart kiss me!" Kiwi said puckering his lips.

"Ew you are such a pervert!" The woman slapped him in the face it was Liya! What was she doing here? Perhaps she was a concubine now. No, maybe she had a secret crush on Kiwi, wait that was never going to happen, after all the concubines all used to go to Freezer and complain that Kiwi was too much of a luster to be dealt with.

"Liya what are you doing here?" Kiwi asked blushing with embarrassment; he then threw the box of chocolates at Vegeta.

"Ouch you son of a bitch!" Vegeta then looked at the box, "Ooh dark chocolate my favorite!" Vegeta then ripped the plastic off the box and started eating those chocolates like there was no tomorrow.

"I need to talk to you!" Liya said taking Kiwi by the arm and leading him into the room.

"What's the problem, how did your mission go?" Kiwi asked.

"I brought back a really pretty conch shell because I know how Zarbon loves pretty things." Liya said taking a beautiful conch shell out of her bag.

"Wow that is pretty, can I have it?" Kiwi asked.

"No it's for Zarbon, but at the same time I'm having second thoughts, because I saw him hugging that slutty Icey in the hospital!" Liya said putting the conch shell back into her bag.

"Wow scandalous," Vegeta said and then belched.

"Liya how many times do I have to tell you, Icey has never made love to Zarbon, she never will, and she loves Constantine too much for that to happen!" Kiwi said.

"But he's not allowed to talk to her!" Liya said.

"Says who? You're not even his girlfriend anymore!" Kiwi said.

Liya was still possessive of Zarbon, even though they had not been together for a long time, or at least did not indicate a change of heart. She defiantly liked him still, but he focused on keeping to himself and not getting into trouble as they used to do together. "He shouldn't be talking to her anyways; she's so annoying and horrid!" Liya said.

"Quiet! I want to know how to fit in, how do I prove myself to be worthy of being in your inner circle Kiwi!" Vegeta asked.

Kiwi smiled and looked over at Liya, he was up to something, "Why are you looking at me like that?" Liya asked.

"How would you like to get back at Zarbon?" Kiwi asked.

"No, I'm not that vicious," Liya said.

"You're going to do it whether you like it or not!" Kiwi said pointing a finger at Liya.

Next thing you know Liya was in bed with some sexy lingerie on that Kiwi originally bought for a concubine of Freezer's. The problem was that the concubine was obese and the underwear looked big on Liya.

"I don't like this outfit, I don't have a problem with showing my cleavage, but it's a little big on me." Liya said.

"Do you have any pins to pin them back?" Kiwi asked.

"No!" Liya said annoyed at Kiwi's stupidity.

"Now Vegeta take a look at Liya, smile at her, say hello." Kiwi said.

"What is the point to this exercise anyways?" Vegeta asked.

"It's simple, to prove that you're a man and good enough to be in my inner circle." Kiwi said.

Vegeta then reluctantly looked at Liya and smiled, she was not so bad looking, although she was not that humanoid like Vegeta and Zarbon, her long snout made her look almost cuddly. "Hello," Vegeta said with a sincere smile.

Liya could not help but smile, although Vegeta was not a glamour-puss like Zarbon, there was a sexy energy about him that made him irresistible to women, "Hello," Liya said.

"Looks like we made a connection here!" Kiwi said.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Vegeta asked.

"It means that you two were meant to be!" Kiwi said holding up a video camera.

"What are you doing with that video camera?" Liya asked.

"Relax, just start making out or something," Kiwi said.

"Ew no way, I'm not making love to "glamour-pusses'" ex!" Vegeta said crossing his arms.

"I don't know I feel really insecure right now, I need some love and attention!" Liya said.

"Nope, ain't going to happen!" Vegeta said.

"Ok this is taking too long! Let's bring out the alcohol!" Kiwi said getting the vodka and mixing it with cranberry juice.

Later on Vegeta and Liya were drunk and horny, "I'm so sorry that I denied my feelings for you! I respect strong women like you, you don't look anything like a Sayain woman, but you are bossy enough to be my sex slave!" Vegeta hiccupping.

"I thought a big strong man like you would go after sophisticated women like me." Liya said giggling.

They started making out and then one thing led to another, Kiwi was laughing at what was going on while they were being scandalous. He continued to film after they got even more scandalous, "That's right, come to papa!" Kiwi said laughing evilly.

Next day Vegeta and Liya woke up naked in each other's arms, "What the hell happened?" Liya asked.

"Ew this is horrible, I'm going to throw up!" Vegeta then threw up on the floor; he did not even bother to go to the bathroom.

"Where is Kiwi?" Liya asked.

"Kiwi what about him?" Vegeta asked.

"Look Zarbon will be pissed off if he finds out that we made love to one another!" Liya said.

"Right I'm not telling him, he'll get even more pissed off at me!" Vegeta said.

Little did they know that Kiwi was about to bust them, in front of Zarbon and friends. Kiwi called a meeting for Zarbon, Apple and Alice. "Hello friends and foes, I want to show you that Zarbon's ex is a slut and to stay the hell away from her!" Kiwi said.

"You've always hated Liya, how do we know what you are telling us about her is actually sincere or even remotely true?" Apple asked.

"Trust me, she is a slut, I have the tape to prove it!" Kiwi said.

"How did you even end up videotaping Liya in the first place?" Alice asked.

Kiwi then started to sweat, "Uh I decided to do a social experiment to see if Liya was truly Zarbon's lover like she said she was, and then I invited Vegeta into the same room with her!" Kiwi put the video tape in; it showed Vegeta and Liya on the same bed together not looking at one another and Vegeta turning to Liya.

"Hello" Vegeta said.

"Hello." Liya said.

Apparently Kiwi cut some parts out and next thing you know it showed Liya and Vegeta making out, Zarbon's eyes grew wide, "Ok I can't watch anymore of this!" he said.

"You have to; you have to make sure not to go back out with her!" Kiwi said.

"I've had enough of this film!" Zarbon then looked at it again, and saw Vegeta and Liya undressed and making love on top of the bed, "This has gone too far!" Zarbon was mad.

"Calm down Zarbon, I think Kiwi is right, Liya is actually a psycho just like he's been telling you." Apple said.

"Apple you're not helping!" Alice said.

Zarbon was now madder than ever, he took the tap out of the video player, threw it onto the floor and smashed it by jumping up and down onto it. "That traitor, having sex with one of the most ruthless henchmen of Freezer!" Zarbon said.

"Calm down Zarbon, there has got to be an explanation!" Apple said.

"Maybe Kiwi just made them act really well, you know to make a porno film!" Alice said.

"I'm going to murder him; nobody fucks my ex without my permission!" Zarbon then stormed out of the room.

"I thought they were broken up." Alice said.

"They were, officially it's either back on or Vegeta struck a sensitive cord with Zarbon." Apple said.

Next thing you know Zarbon got up and went straight to the cafeteria and grabbed Vegeta and threw him across the room, "How dare you have sex with my ex girlfriend, that has got to be the lowest thing one has ever done!" Zarbon yelled.

"She was bad in bed anyways!" Vegeta said.

Zarbon then smiled, "I feel better now, best frienamies?" Zarbon asked with his eyes twinkling in wonder.

"Best frienamies!" Vegeta said while Zarbon helped him up, they hugged one another, "I love you Zarbon!" Vegeta yelled.

"I love you too, Vegeta!" Zarbon said crying tears of joy.

Ok so that is not what really happened, that was just wishful thinking on the author's behalf, here is what really happened!

Next thing you know Zarbon got up and went straight to the cafeteria and grabbed Vegeta and threw him across the room, "How dare you have sex with my ex girlfriend, that has got to be the lowest thing one has ever done!" Zarbon yelled.

"Look the whole thing was a setup!" Vegeta said.

"What do you mean do you except me to believe that Liya got you drunk and fucked her?" Zarbon asked with his arms crossed.

"No that's not what happened at all! Kiwi got us both drunk so that he could tape us having sex!" Vegeta said.

"What were you doing around Kiwi in the first place?" Zarbon asked.

"I thought he was cooler than you, so I went to his room so that I could get advice from him about how to be cool!" Vegeta said.

"You lie!" Zarbon said.

"Ok the truth is I was trying to steal him away from you as a best friend!" Vegeta said truthfully for once.

"So you have sex with my ex?" Zarbon asked.

"I couldn't help myself, she was hot I mean I didn't want to do it, but that vodka made me!" Vegeta said.

Hours later, Vegeta was sitting on a table with Zarbon and they were talking as if they did not have a confrontation at all, "So let me get this straight, after I kicked you out of my courters, you went to Kiwi and asked him to be your friend?" Zarbon asked.

"Yes that's what the original plan was to begin with." Vegeta said.

"So then Liya shows up from a mission that she finished earlier and she goes to Kiwi to tell her that I was cheating on her with Icey?" Zarbon asked.

"Yep that's what I heard." Vegeta said.

"But that's crazy, I'm not the least bit interested in Icey, I was hugging her to make her feel better, you know because someone burned her throat when she was trying to be kind to him!" Zarbon said glaring at Vegeta.

"I miscalculated big deal!" Vegeta said crossing his arms.

"Why were you drinking vodka and having sex with Liya just to be Kiwi's new best friend?" Zarbon asked.

"Because I thought he was cooler than you were, you are boring and you pay too much attention to what you look like on the outside, it bothers me!" Vegeta said.

"I'm a prince, princes aren't supposed to be ugly, Freezer said so himself!" Zarbon said.

"Was that when he would bone you or when you would complain about so-called transforming?" Vegeta asked.

Zarbon frowned, "Look, the point is that you shouldn't have gone to Kiwi to try to be friends with him, you barely know him. The only reason why I am friends with him in the first place is because I got stuck with him babysitting me when I was a young boy. Same thing with Apple, I trust them more than anyone in the world." Zarbon said.

"What kind of a friend tries to sabotage your ex- girlfriend by making her sleep with your worst rival?" Vegeta said.

"I didn't say that Kiwi was perfect, he just doesn't like Liya because she's possessive of me. We broke up a long time ago, but she still gets this idea that we're still together." Zarbon said putting his head on his lap.

"Why don't you just kill the bitch then, hell if a woman told me what to do all the time I would murder her in a moment!" Vegeta said.

"It's more complicated than that, I still have feelings for her, but I'm not allowed to marry her, nor am I allowed to make love to her." Zarbon said looking sad.

"Why not?" Vegeta asked.

"Freezer said so, he said I could do much better than her and that when he dies I can choose a wife." Zarbon said.

"I hope I never get married, females are so stupid anyways!" Vegeta said with his legs crossed.

Zarbon then knew what he had to do, he took Vegeta by the hand and went to Liya's courters and knocked on the door. She answered it, "Zarbon I'm so happy to see you!" She said.

"I need to talk to you!" Zarbon then went into the room and shut the door behind him.

"I got you a present while I was on planet Mersa, it's a beautiful conch shell I thought you might like it." She said holding up the conch shell.

Zarbon grabbed the conch shell and set it down carefully, "Why did you manipulate this poor boy for?" Zarbon asked.

"Pardon?" Liya asked confused.

"I saw the tape Liya, Kiwi showed it to me!" Zarbon said.

"Kiwi made us get drunk and have sex!" Liya said.

"You could have said no! Why did you end up making love to one of my worst rivals ever?" Zarbon asked.

"You know this is a little too awkward for me, I think I better get going." Vegeta said about to leave.

"Stop right there you need to tell this woman what her rights are!" Zarbon said.

Vegeta had no idea what Zarbon was even talking about so he made something up, "Um let's see, you haven't the right to make love to me unless I say so, you haven't the right to use me to get back at your ex, and you haven't the right to…" Before Vegeta finished Liya interrupted.

"But Vegeta you were the one who grabbed me and kissed me!" Liya said.

"I did, ouch." Vegeta said.

"Vegeta I think I better handle this, I'm the adult around here. Liya you should know better than to leech off of someone like him, he's just a boy, he doesn't know what love is." Zarbon said.

"Oh please I wasn't trying to marry her dingbat I just wanted to bone her is all!" Vegeta said.

"Right, the point is that you betrayed my trust Liya, how could you?" Zarbon asked.

"If you wouldn't have had sex with Icey then maybe none of this would have happened!" Liya said.

"What? I didn't sleep with her how many times do I have to tell you! I've only slept with two people my entire life, you and Freezer!" Zarbon said.

"Ew!" Vegeta said running out of the room.

"Maybe I said too much." Zarbon said.

"All right maybe I should beat the crap out of you! Put them up!" Liya put her fists up into the air.

"Liya don't be silly, I would never hit a woman…" All the sudden Liya punched Zarbon in the stomach, "Damn it Liya what was that for?" Zarbon asked.

"Because you have wronged me!" She said.

"What do you mean I wronged you, you are the one who slept with Vegeta!" Zarbon then got slapped in the face. "Liya you are out of control, you need to settle down I'm going to just walk away quietly and…" All the sudden Liya kicked Zarbon in the balls and he fell down in pain, "Crud why didn't I see that coming?" Zarbon asked in pain.

"Perhaps next time you need to get your psychic intuition better brain power!" Liya said laughing.

Zarbon was now pissed; she had literally crossed the line, "No more mister nice guy! Let's fight bitch!" he yelled. He went over to her grabbed the 5'2 feet tall Liya, and threw her into the mirror breaking it.

"You won't have a chance hurting me!" She yelled getting up charging at him and head banging him in the stomach.

"Is that the best you got? Are you going to hit me again?" Zarbon asked laughing.

"I'll kill you for looking at Icey!" Liya then tried to punch Zarbon in the face when all the sudden he got onto the floor, did one of those karate moves where you swing your leg into the other person's leg and knock them down.

Liya was on the floor, "How's that for an ex-boyfriend!" Zarbon said laughing.

"When I get up I will hit you so hard that you'll wish you had never been born!" Liya said.

Zarbon tisked and shook his head, "That won't work; sometimes I actually do wish I was never born!" He said.

"What?" Liya asked.

All the sudden Zarbon jumped onto Liya's body crushing her; luckily, she did not have any broken limbs or anything like that. Zarbon then picked her up and threw her into the door; she went flying through the door, breaking it, and into the hallway where people were looking.

"What the hell is going on?" Apple asked.

"Liya are you all right?" Alice asked.

Zarbon then walked out of the room, "Try to hurt me now bitch!" He yelled.

All the sudden Liya got up injured, but she was not injured enough to throw some wind power knocking Zarbon over. "Damn that airbender!" Zarbon said.

"Guys please don't fight, Zarbon it's so unlike you to fight with a girl, that's just not right!" Apple said so frightened that he hid behind Alice.

"Kill her Zarbon; she deserves it after she cheated on you!" Kiwi yelled.

"She didn't cheat on him, they broke up a long time ago remember?" Alice said.

"Yah whatever Alice just said!" Kiwi yelled.

"Kiwi which reminds me I don't want to be your friend anymore!" Vegeta said turning to him.

"I never wanted you as a friend anyways!" Kiwi said.

"I want to kill you just as much!" Vegeta all the sudden grabbed Kiwi by one of his whiskers, swung him around, and threw him into the wall.

Kiwi then got pissed off, "Man Vegeta I'll kill you!" Kiwi then got up, ran over to Vegeta, grabbed his monkey tail and pulled on it.

"That hurts you asshole!" Vegeta yelled, then he grabbed Kiwi's whisker and pulled on it too.

"Damn you Vegeta!" He yelled.

Everyone all the sudden turned their attention on Vegeta and Kiwi; they all looked at them as if they were fighting like girls. Alice then said, "You know, why do I believe that all the sudden this is getting pathetic?"

"I have no idea, let's get out of here!" Apple said grabbing her by the arm, everyone else left too.

While Kiwi and Vegeta were pulling each other's sensitive parts, Zarbon and Liya looked at one another, "Liya I'm sorry I hurt you!" Zarbon said.

"I'm sorry I hurt you too!" she said. They ran into each other's arms and started making out, then Kiwi and Vegeta stopped fighting and looked over at Liya and Zarbon.

"Ew I can't watch this, I'm leaving!" Vegeta said running away.

"Me too, this is just too sick to watch!" Kiwi ran away too.

Then as they were getting more passionate, Zarbon was about to remove her armor but then had second thoughts, "Wait a moment I can't do it, not this time love." Zarbon said getting up and running away like a scared pussy.

"Wait why didn't you want to have sex with me?" Liya asked shrugging her shoulders.

End of Story


	8. Chapter 8

_Savages Don't Read_

Vegeta was in the cafeteria sitting next to Nappa and Raddiz, "Uh God that mission I went on was so retarded! Why do Shasha and Dodoria like to rape innocent women? It's so tasteless to watch, why not show them mercy and just break their necks?" asked Vegeta eating bananas.

"Because on missions they probably can get better sex than the sex slaves give in this palace." Nappa said ripping his raw stake with his teeth.

"Yah good point the sex slaves do suck in bed." Vegeta said putting his hands behind his head and relaxing.

"Since when did you lose your virginity, you're only fifteen?" asked Raddiz.

"Since Miretta married that stupid rapist Shasha, I was saving myself for her, but no she saved herself for someone else." Vegeta said enraged.

"Look kid just get over her, there is nothing special about her I'm telling you. You don't even want to mate with a primal changeling anyways." Raddiz said.

"Why not?" asked Vegeta.

"You know that primal changelings transform right?" asked Raddiz said.

"That's not true, my father told me that was just a legend when I asked him." Vegeta said.

"He only told you that so that you would marry Miretta when the time was right." Raddiz said.

"Well either way I'm glad I didn't marry her, after all her older half brother is that silly vain pretty boy Zarbon." Vegeta said looking at Zarbon laughing with his friends Apple and Kiwi at another table.

"He's not so bad once you get to know him; he knows how to give advice about looking good and all that. He told me that I would look better with a shaved head, and he was right, now all the primal changelings and changeling concubines want to bed with me." Nappa said smiling.

"How many times do I have to tell you that Zarbon isn't one of us?" Vegeta said.

"So what if he's a different species, he's nice." Raddiz said.

"That does it, watch and learn idiots!" Vegeta said, he took his tomato soup and went over to Zarbon's table.

"Why do I get the feeling this isn't going to end well?" Nappa asked while Raddiz shrugged his shoulders.

"Excuse me!" Vegeta yelled to the top of his lungs.

Zarbon turned around a little startled, "Vegeta what a surprise, you never come over to this table to talk." Zarbon said.

"Did you ever consider dying your hair red?" asked Vegeta.

"No why?" asked Zarbon.

"Allow me to do it for you!" Vegeta then spilled his tomato soup on Zarbon's hair and laughed.

"Vegeta get out of here!" Kiwi said pointing a laser gun at Vegeta's head.

"Let him go Kiwi, his ignorance isn't worth your rage." Zarbon said running out of the cafeteria.

"Damn it Vegeta why do you have to pick on Zarbon for? Why not me or Kiwi?" Apple asked.

"Yah you wish I could pick on you, do you want desert?" asked Vegeta.

"No I don't just get out of here!" Apple said grabbing Vegeta by the tail and throwing him across the room.

Zarbon meanwhile was washing the tomato soup out of his hair, "Stupid Vegeta, what have I done to deserve your cruelty?" he asked trying to rinse the tomato soup out of his hair.

Liya came into the room and then shut the door behind her, Zarbon gave her an extra key in case they wanted to get it on, "Guess what I have a surprise for you!" She said.

"Not now Liya, I'm too busy wondering why Vegeta hates me so much!" Zarbon said.

"I bought a pack of condoms so that we can protect ourselves when have sex!" Liya said cheerfully.

"Liya is that really necessary, I don't even know what a condom is." Zarbon said.

"Pardon my French, but have you been living under a rock your whole life?" she asked with a confused look on her face.

"No it's just that I don't know what a condom is." Zarbon said.

"Oh dear, it's to protect me from getting pregnant and from you giving me any diseases." Liya said blushing.

"I've only had sex with two people my entire life though, you and Freezer!" Zarbon said.

"Wait did Freezer ever wear protection when he fucked you?" Liya asked.

"He raped me, he was in a hurry too, he wasn't thinking about the consequences I suppose." Zarbon said.

"No we'll fuck later, tell me what is bothering you?" Liya said throwing the condoms aside and rubbing Zarbon's shoulders.

"It's Vegeta, he's such an ass I don't know why he doesn't like me." Zarbon said.

"Because Vegeta doesn't like the fact that you were chosen as Freezer's heir to the thrown and that he was only second in command if something were to happen to you." Liya said.

"No he's just naturally rude to everyone though, it's not just me, he goes and picks fights with everyone and I'm the only one who refuses to beat the living tar out of him, that little rat!" Zarbon said.

"I know I hate him too, maybe you should make him read his rights." Liya said.

"What do you mean?" Zarbon asked.

"In other words you need to place him under arrest and make him read his rights to you just to teach him a lesson." Liya said.

"Yah but where can I get a copy of these rights, and how long is he going to be in the dungeon for this time? He's already been arrested ten times for battery towards Freezer's other solders and for seducing Freezer's concubine." asked Zarbon.

"It doesn't matter just put him in prison and keep him in there forever!" Liya said laughing diabolically.

"No that's too harsh, maybe I'll just leave him in there for a day until he promises that he'll stop picking fights with Freezer's solders." Zarbon said.

"You can't reason with him, he's nuts." Liya said.

"I have to try though, I have to try." Zarbon said.

Later on Vegeta was walking down the hallway, Apple and Kiwi ambushed him and held him by the arms, "Let go of me!" He yelled.

Zarbon stood in front of him, "I want to make sure your days of being a little hooligan are over, therefore I'm placing you under arrest until further notice!" Zarbon said.

"You can't do that, I'm a prince for Christ sakes! When are you, Shasha, Liya and Dodoria going to quit arresting me?" Vegeta yelled.

"Don't try to pretentiuate the situation!" Zarbon said.

"What?" asked Vegeta.

"Oh you don't know what the word being pretentious means?" Zarbon asked raising an eyebrow.

"I don't think I even know Zarbon." Apple said.

"Ok let's get this over with, but this time we're going to do it differently, I'm tired of having to read your rights to you so I'm going to make you read your rights to me instead." Zarbon said.

"What? Are you mad?" Vegeta asked.

"Let's see here, what languages do you speak?" Zarbon asked.

"English, Japanese and Sayain," Vegeta said.

"I'll skip through German, Russian, and French, and here is Japanese, now read it aloud to me!" Zarbon said showing Vegeta the paper.

"I can't read that!" Vegeta said.

"Don't think you will get away from me so easily, I have all the time in the world!" Zarbon said flipping to the English one and showing Vegeta.

Vegeta looked even more confused than the first time, "That is written all crappy!" Vegeta said.

"Read it Sayain!" Zarbon said.

"I can't read it!" Vegeta said.

"Then perhaps they have the Sayain language in here somewhere." Zarbon said looking for the Sayain language.

"No the Sayain language is a phonetic language, there's no such a thing as the written language." Vegeta said looking at the ground.

"I don't understand, these papers have been typed not handwritten and I can read them just fine. Maybe I can get a second opinion on these papers, Apple, Kiwi I'm going to show you theses papers in Japanese and English look at them and tell me if you can read them." Zarbon said showing Apple and Kiwi the papers written in Japanese and English.

"I can read them both." Apple said.

"Me too," Kiwi said.

"Why can't you read them?" asked Zarbon looking at Vegeta.

"I can read them!" Vegeta said.

"Ok read this line!" Zarbon said pointing to the line on the top of the page in English.

"I can't make out the words!" Vegeta said.

"Ok how about in Japanese?" asked Zarbon showing him the Japanese paper.

"How come the symbols aren't side to side the like English ones are?" asked Vegeta.

"Wow I didn't know, you can't read at all can you?" asked Zarbon.

"So what if I can't, my home planet could never read either, we didn't have books on our planet." Vegeta said.

"How did you write that one love letter to Miretta then?" Zarbon asked, he was referring to the onetime Vegeta drew Miretta a heart and put I love you in the middle of it.

"Because Nappa was teaching me how to read English," Vegeta said.

"So why don't you get help from Nappa then?" asked Zarbon.

"Because he knows only one phrase," Vegeta said.

Zarbon looked down to the floor, "Ok let him go," Zarbon said.

"But he dumped tomato soup into your hair!" Apple said.

"Yes it was hot too!" Kiwi said.

"Just do it!" Zarbon yelled.

Kiwi and Apple let Vegeta go and Vegeta ran far away from them, "Why did you make us let Vegeta go?" asked Apple.

"You've never done this to him or anyone before that has upset the natural balance of Freezer's palace." Kiwi said.

"I haven't a clue." Zarbon said a little shocked.

Zarbon was so shocked that he did not know what to do, so he went to Freezer for advice, which was probably a big mistake, "Freezer I need to ask you something." Zarbon said.

"What is it?" Freezer asked.

"How come Vegeta can't read?" asked Zarbon innocently.

"Because he and his species are savages that haven't had the technology to think for themselves." Freezer said.

This still did not make sense to Zarbon, "But sir I can read more than ten languages, so how is it that I can read and he can't?" asked Zarbon.

"Boy you're dumber than I thought; most of my warriors can't read anyways." Freezer said.

"What? What about Dodoria?" Zarbon asked.

"Dodoria won't even pick up a book; he's too retarded to read." Freezer said.

"Shasha?" Zarbon asked.

"Shasha can only read in Russian, he can't write or read English worth shit, he only knows English phonetically." Freezer said drinking some wine.

"But Apple and Kiwi can read." Zarbon said.

"Yah because I required them to learn how to read before they became your guardians," Freezer said.

"What about your family then?" Zarbon asked.

"Yes they can read, but only them and other rich people on this planet." Freezer said.

"You mean to tell me that Freezer's men can't read at all?" asked Zarbon.

"Just Kiwi and Apple I'm afraid." Freezer said.

"That's stupid! How do you expect planet Freezer to get anywhere without any knowledge of a written language?" Zarbon asked.

"My men have to be violent, they might get to many free ideas, and you're the only one other than my own family that has access to earth shows, earth books, and other free idea books." Freezer said.

"Freezer your planet is going to suffer gratefully if there isn't a change in the literacy rate!" Zarbon said.

"So be it, I would rather have a bunch of stupid solders than smart ones!" Freezer said.

"I'm so angry right this second!" Zarbon then stormed out of Freezer's room.

Zarbon was crying in his room, if there was one thing that Zarbon was infamous for it was crying on a regular basis. At least he had an excuse other than being a total sissy, he was manic-depressive, but this time I think we could say that this was another sissy moment. He did not care, he was an emotional creature anyways, and he just did not want other people to see.

Apple came into the room and saw Zarbon crying, "What's the matter Zarbon, did you take your medicine for your mood swings?" Apple asked.

"No it's not another mood swing I'm afraid, I feel badly!" Zarbon said.

"Does your stomach hurt; maybe you should lay off the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a couple of weeks." Apple said.

"No I feel badly because Vegeta can't read, it's not his fault that he's so stupid!" Zarbon said.

"Why would you care if he can read or not? He's mean to you anyways, he picks fights with you on a regular basis and you don't beat the crap out of him or anything, unless he's attacking you for no reason at all." Apple said.

"Yes it's true, but he's such a savage too! He cannot read because he hasn't been taught how to read! I need to teach him how to read!" Zarbon yelled.

Apple had a bad feeling about this, maybe it was another one of Zarbon's crazy manic-depressive ideas. He needed to keep him in order if that was the case, "Zarbon that's nice and all, but Vegeta is someone that you need to stay away from. He's a savage just like you said, he comes from a planet where people aren't used to being educated, other than in the act of war." Apple said.

"That's why I feel badly, at least my planet knows how to read and write, yes we transform but we only do that for mating and defensive purposes. We hardly use the form at all to hunt for food; we eat mostly fish, vegetables and fruits!" Zarbon said.

"Zarbon please spare your feelings for Vegeta, you can't afford to screw up, plus Freezer doesn't want to educate Vegeta, he wants to keep him as ignorant and violent as much as possible." Apple said.

"Why must this regime that Freezer rules be defined by how violent you are? How are you to live a meaningful life if all you do is impose your will on other people?" Zarbon asked.

"Just be lucky that Freezer lets you be a freethinker, don't get carried away." Apple said.

Zarbon was of course a very stubborn person; he thought of an idea; however, he was getting a little too carried away. He decided something when he was in a manic moment, "I have an idea, I'm going to educate not just Vegeta but all of Freezer's other stupid, ruthless henchmen, so they can at least not rape women anymore and just kill them instead!" Zarbon thought to himself.

The next day Zarbon called a meeting of Freezer's top henchmen and even his not so top henchmen, Shasha, Dodoria, Vegeta, Nappa and Raddiz were even there! "What are we doing here; does Freezer want us to go on mission again?" Shasha asked in his thick Russian accent.

Zarbon was not nervous, he was only shy around pretty females, "I call this meeting today to inform you that there is a way to redeem yourselves for all the sins that you committed!" Zarbon said holding up a book.

"What is that book you're holding up?" Nappa asked.

"I wrote it a week ago, typed the whole damn thing on the computer! It's called, "The Zarbon Manifesto!"" Zarbon said.

"This is so stupid, who the hell would want to read such garbage anyways!" Vegeta yelled.

"This isn't just any book, it will teach you how to respect yourselves and other people, it will teach you how to be attractive to people you don't know and such!" Zarbon said.

"We can't even read this meeting is a whole joke!" Dodoria yelled.

"That's why I hired some tutors to help you read, myself and Liya!" Zarbon said.

"Ew Liya is such a bitch, who the hell wants to go near her anyways?" Vegeta yelled.

"I don't know, I kind of want to fuck her myself, now if only she wouldn't fight me then I could get her into bed more easily!" Shasha said.

Zarbon glared at Shasha, "Look once you learn how to read, it will give you higher self-esteem so that you can respect other people which include women!" Zarbon said.

"We're not allowed to rape women anymore? Whose idea was this?" Shasha asked.

Zarbon had to make up a lie and quick, "It was Freezer's idea; he thinks that some of you need to brush up on your reading skills!" Zarbon said.

"But Freezer said that reading was illegal!" Dodoria said.

"Yah he said that if I ever read in English then I would be breaking law." Shasha said.

"Wait so you're saying that it's illegal to read, because I've read plenty of books and I never once got taken to jail for it!" Zarbon said.

"I guess it couldn't hurt to try, let's give him a chance!" Raddiz said.

"Yah I'm sick of watching TV anyways, all that's on is stupid propaganda written by Freezer!" Dodoria said.

"Let the tutoring being, come and get your books gentlemen!" Zarbon said.

Everyone got a copy of the book, for weeks Zarbon tutored them all by having them meet him at midnight for learning how to read in English, next would be how to learn to read in Japanese. Over the weeks, something dramatic happened; it is as if the men were becoming smarter and more educated. They even took better care of themselves.

For instance, Dodoria started taking baths after every mission he went on, he even flossed his teeth; Shasha brushed his thick, dark blue hair more often than usual. He even brushed his teeth, after all half of his teeth were black.

Vegeta did not pick fights more often than usual, in fact he, Nappa and Raddiz all studied the "Zarbon Manifesto" with the likes of Dodoria and Shasha.

You are probably reading this thinking that this could not get any gayer, the hell it did not! In fact, Shasha started holding doors more often for women and other solders; he had not raped a girl in months. Dodoria did the same thing; Vegeta even held the doors open for other people and did not boast about how important of a person he actually was.

Apple and Kiwi noticed a difference eventually, and they were concerned. They knew this was one of Zarbon's schemes and they had to confront him. "Zarbon tell me something, how come Freezer's men are all the sudden interesting in reading?" Apple asked.

"I haven't a clue; maybe an angel gave them a message when they were asleep." Zarbon said trying to hold back a smile.

"Did you at least charge them for the books?" Kiwi asked.

"Nope it was free from what I heard someone say." Zarbon said.

"Ok then perhaps you can explain why this whole entire book was about you and your manners?" Apple said holding the book up.

"I had to write something that interested me other then military history." Zarbon then realized that he made a boo-boo so he covered his mouth.

"Ah ha! You are the worst liar in the world aren't you?" Kiwi said.

"I knew it!" Apple said.

"Ok I wanted the solders to learn how to read!" Zarbon said.

"So you write an entire book about how you usually respect yourself and other people?" Apple asked.

"Yes so that they would follow my good example once they knew how to read!" Zarbon said.

"It's illegal, you're breaking the law, and you know that Freezer can have you executed for this right?" Kiwi asked.

"Yes if I die, then I die!" Zarbon said looking noble.

"Oh brother," Kiwi said rolling his eyes.

"Freezer will eventually notice a difference, he's not that dumb." Apple said.

"You won't tell will you?" Zarbon asked.

"No, but it's like Apple said, he's going notice a difference sooner or later." Kiwi said.

That Freezer did notice he saw Vegeta run by and walk up to Liya to give her some chocolates, Freezer baffled by this though, "What in the world?"

He then saw Shasha holding the door for his wife Miretta, better known as Zarbon's younger sister, "Ok this is getting weird, or perhaps it's my imagination." Freezer thought.

"Good morning Lord Freezer!" Dodoria said cheerfully.

"Dodoria why are you so happy all the sudden?" Freezer asked.

"Because you came into the light my lord!" Dodoria said smiling.

"Dodoria why are you so happy? Tell me the truth?" Freezer said getting a little angry with him.

"Don't you want me to be happy sir?" Dodoria asked.

Freezer, considered by earth standards a midget, picked the much taller Dodoria up by the neck, "Now tell me why the hell you're so happy! I love to see people act miserable; it's just more professional than being happy!" Freezer yelled.

"Because you gave us permission to learn how to read," Dodoria blurted out.

"I did not such thing!" Freezer said.

"Yes you did, Zarbon himself said that you gave us permission to brush up on our reading skills!" Dodoria yelled.

"What?" Freezer then threw Dodoria to the other side of the hallway.

Freezer walked into the cafeteria and saw Vegeta reading a book, "What the hell are reading?" Freezer asked about to lose it.

"It's a book that Zarbon recommended to us." Vegeta said.

"Give me that!" Freezer snatched the book from Vegeta and saw the front cover, ""The Zarbon Manifesto? " Why that bastard, this has got to be the worst vanity project since that stupid earth movie "Cleopatra"!" Freezer said.

"I don't want to rat on Zarbon, but I believe that he's having a meeting right now!" Vegeta said trying to hide his smile.

"Very well, I shall go to this meeting!" Freezer said he then walked away while Vegeta dumped Zarbon's book into the trashcan.

Kiwi saw that Freezer was on his way to the meeting, Freezer was usually in his office signing death warrants or his throne room. Kiwi instantly knew that Zarbon would be in big trouble, so he ran to Zarbon's meeting.

At the meeting, Zarbon was at the podium once again, "So are there any questions about the book?" Zarbon asked.

"Yes what are the ten commandments of Zarbon?" Dodoria asked.

"Simple, one don't cheat on your woman. Two don't drink too much alcohol. Three don't eat pig or beef. Four eat plenty of fish, fruits and vegetables. Five don't womanize or manize. Six don't eat too many sweets. Seven put lemon juice on your face and body every other day to get rid of unwanted oil or acne." Zarbon yelled.

Kiwi ran into the room, "Zarbon I need to talk to you right now!" Kiwi yelled.

"Not now Kiwi I'm going over the commandments! Eight you must love yourself and constantly check to see if you look prefect enough to go out of your room! Nine you must respect women so that they can respect you. Ten last but not least, don't kill unless you're defending yourself!" Zarbon said.

"I guess I wasn't specific enough, but I already know the commandments, but I was asking why they were necessary!" Dodoria yelled.

"Yah it looked like half of this book was either a health book or a religious piece of crap! It looked like you got half of these commandments out of Earth religious texts!" Nappa said.

"Look it's a simple advice book for being desirable to people, so that they admire and notice you. It's also a common sense book!" Zarbon said.

"But I don't care about my physical appearance all that much!" Dodoria yelled.

Kiwi pecked out of the room and saw Freezer coming down the hallway, "Zarbon I need to talk to you now!" Kiwi yelled.

"Be quiet Kiwi I'm still conducting a meeting!" Zarbon said.

Kiwi then did a game of charades to try to warn Zarbon about Freezer coming, by trying to crouch down onto the floor and try to make horns out of his arms, Zarbon couldn't help but laugh, "Kiwi you have such a great sense of humor!" He yelled.

Freezer came into the room and looked angry with Zarbon, "Now we're going to talk about how to get rid of gray hair!" Zarbon said.

Freezer marched onto the stage, pushed Zarbon to the floor and grabbed the book he was holding, "From now on "The Zarbon Manifesto" is banned for good!" he yelled.

"But you're the one who said that Zarbon could teach us how to read!" Raddiz said.

"I did no such thing! Just to prove my point I'm going to do this!" Then Freezer took the book and threw it at Zarbon's face. "May this be a warning to all of you so that you don't get any wild ideas!" Freezer said.

So Zarbon was whipped on the back in private and later on he was on his bed where Liya was dressing his woods on his back, "That was embarrassing!" Zarbon said.

"I wonder who told him about the book?" Liya said.

"I know Kiwi and Apple wouldn't have done it, they're my loyal friends." Zarbon said.

"I think Vegeta did it." Liya said.

"How do you figure?" Zarbon asked.

Liya then had a flashback of her throwing Vegeta across the room and beating the crap out of him, "Why did you tell Freezer that Zarbon was trying to teach you how to read?" she yelled.

"Because I don't want to learn how to read!" Vegeta yelled back.

"So you go and rat on Zarbon for trying to help you make something of yourself!" Liya said.

"He deserved it; I'm a prince I don't need to know how to read!" Vegeta yelled.

Liya then got back to the present, "I have my ways of finding things out let's just say." She said.

"I guess I can't turn all those thugs into elegant gentlemen after all, they're too condescentual aren't they?" Zarbon said.

"It's all right; you shouldn't try to impose your will on other people anyways." Liya said.

"At least I still have one copy of "The Zarbon Manifesto"." Zarbon said.

"We'll read it together after I dress your wounds all right?" Liya said.

"That's fine, ouch that hurt." Zarbon said as Liya was putting alcohol on his wounds.

End of Story


	9. Chapter 9

_My Sweet Innocence Cut Short _

To begin with, Frieza was getting skinny since he worried constantly about whether to gain weight or not. Despite being overbearingly cruel, Frieza too had his moments of weakness and humanity, or whatever another word for humanity was since Frieza was not a human.

Frieza was so little, which means he was prone to gaining more weight than usual. One horrible day, Frieza was drinking a lot of wine, and then he had a horrible seizure!

"HEELLLPPP!" Frieza yelled.

Dodoria ran into the room, "Oh no, are you having another seizure?" Dodoria asked.

Frieza could not answer, he was so shaken up that he possessed no ability to talk that moment in time. Dodoria stood by him to make sure he didn't die; he then took him to his bed and shut the door.

Zarbon had not seen Frieza in days, when he was informed about how Frieza was drinking just wine and suffered another seizure, Zarbon felt responsible for him. Zarbon strictly went to the doctor for Frieza so that Frieza did not have to go himself. Frieza was too lazy to go to the doctor and was afraid of getting another shot for his seizures. In yet he disobeyed the doctor's orders to eat well and drink little alcohol.

Zarbon was in the room visiting with Frieza, Frieza had requested that Zarbon nurse him back to health, since Frieza was too lazy and wounded to nurse himself back to health!

"Frieza, how are you feeling?" Zarbon asked.

"Oh Zarbon, I feel awful!" Frieza said.

"Frieza, the doctor told you to lay off the wine, if you drink too much it will mess with your neurological system. Now I brought you something wonderful that will give you a full stomach again!" Zarbon said.

Zarbon smiled in a rather cheesy manner, he revealed to Frieza a pack of soup! Frieza frowned at Zarbon and then said, "Get that piece of shit away from me!" Frieza then took the packet out of Zarbon's hands and threw it across the room.

"But sir, soup will help your body get better! It's been proven!" Zarbon said.

"No fuck soup! I want candy!" Frieza yelled.

"But candy is horrible for you!" Zarbon said.

"Do you not care for me Zarbon?" Frieza asked.

"It's not that sir, it's just well if you're going to get better you need to eat…" Zarbon was then interrupted by Frieza.

"I'm not asking you to get me candy! I'm telling you to go get me candy!" Frieza yelled.

"Very well what kind of candy do you want?" Zarbon asked.

"I want moon stones, peanut nuts, booshe avy!" Frieza gave Zarbon a long list of unhealthy candies he was not supposed to eat.

"Anything else master?" Zarbon asked.

"Yes go get the candies at A- Mart!" Frieza yelled.

Amateur Mart is what A-Mart stood for, it was like J-Mart, K-Mart and Wal-Mart, but it was full of amateur knockoffs of the candies that you could get at the grocery store for much more money! Frieza liked to be frugal and the place to buy the candies was usually A-Mart! He usually sent Dodoria to get the candies for him, with the bags half empty of course, although Dodoria was needed more than hated.

Zarbon had never set foot inside an A-Mart before, nor did he ever want to. "Why do you want me to go to that horrid place for?" Zarbon asked crossing his arms.

"Just go there and get me everything on that list of mine! And because you disagreed with me, you have to buy them all out of your own pocket!" Frieza yelled.

Zarbon could not believe it; he not only had to go to A-Mart but also had to buy everything with his money. Money he saved up to buy the most beautiful clothing ever in the galaxies that he would vacation in with his friends. He also used that money to buy cat food for his familiar cat Blacky, wrinkle cream and of course the most important thing of all, shampoo and soap!

Anyways, Zarbon did not want to be recognized as Frieza's general nor heir to the throne. So he put on a cap and some sweats and went to A-Mart. He was not happy to be there, nor did he want to be seen there.

He was in the shampoo isle looking for some special kind of shampoo to buy for himself. Since his hair was so thick, he sometimes had a hard time brushing the tangles out. He looked at a bottle of baby tear free shampoo, he smelled it. It smelled like baby all right, baby powder! Zarbon of course did not want to be reminded that he was in a cheap store with cheap shampoo. He quickly put the shampoo back on the shelf and continued down to the candy isle.

He just could not help it, find dinning, fine clothing, fine manners and fine merchandise was what he was raised on. It was only now that Frieza lectured him about getting cheap candy. That does not mean however that Zarbon was completely close-minded about the simple things in life, on the contrary, he was very curious since he was not used to seeing such cheap stuff.

He heard this couple making out behind the milk isle, he was annoyed with this couple making out and he had heard them making out in the store for a half an hour. He then went up to the cash register and took his stuff out of the basket.

"Well well, I have never seen your face around here before! Are you from the slums or maybe another planet?" The Icejin Changeling asked with a thick scruffy Worcester sounding accent.

Zarbon rolled his eyes, "I don't talk much sorry." He said.

"Well hopefully your money speaks louder than you!" the check-out clerk told Zarbon with a chuckle.

Zarbon heard that stupid giggling and making out again, he was really annoyed this time, "Excuse me for a moment please!"

Zarbon walked to the back behind the milk isle he saw those two making out and got mad at them, "Excuse me, but must you two be so gross? I am a paying customer and you have no right to make out in pub…" Before Zarbon could finish he found out who those two love-birds making out were.

Vegeta and Zarbon's younger half-sister Miretta! Miretta was married to another man, Zarbon's ex trainer, Frieza's red terror, and the thick Russian accented Primal Changeling from planet Cyrillic, Shasha!

Zarbon knew that Vegeta was in love with Miretta, after all how he could not be when Vegeta was engaged to marry her at one time, however she dumped him for Shasha and married him instead. Either way, Vegeta tried to win Miretta back, despite the fact that she was married to that dirty, no-good drunk who raped women to make himself feel better!

Vegeta knew better than to make out with her in public, the grocery store of all places! Such a cheap place to do it in too! She was not even his full blooded sister, and yet it made him feel gross just looking at those two make out, although better those two than her and Shasha!

"Miretta what are you doing with that boy?" Zarbon asked with his eyes opened wide.

"Zarbon we were talking I want you out of my sight! This is my life I do what I want with it!" Miretta said.

"Yah get lost Zippy!" Vegeta said. They then continued to make out.

Zarbon's sister had always be rebellious, he met her a few years back when she was sent to the home base Planet Frieza by his estranged father he had not see in years. She was supposed to stay until Zarbon came back to Planet Primal, but Zarbon did not want to see his father, since he was mad that his father dumped his mom for Miretta's now-estranged mom. That is how she met Shasha, married him and that is how she ended up in this huge mess.

To make matters worse, King Vegeta sold Prince Vegeta to live with Frieza as a slave, Shasha beat the living crap out of the boy who was only thirteen at the time, and sticking up for the five-month pregnant Miretta, who Shasha would take his rage out on. Zarbon took Vegeta to the hospital and Vegeta woke from that week long coma and it took him forever to get to talk to Miretta again.

Either way they were talking again, and this time there was no holding back that lost love that could have been! Zarbon snorted and marched to the front of the store where his groceries were, "Now will that be credit or cash?" the clerk asked.

"Does it really matter anymore?" Zarbon shook his head.

Later on, Zarbon brought the candy to Frieza's bed and Frieza was happy as a clam that Zarbon had gotten the candy that he wanted him to get. However Zarbon was not smiling at all, Frieza caught onto this.

Despite the fact that Frieza was not much of a paternal being, he could usually tell when Zarbon was feeling down or testy. "What in the hell is the matter with you?" Frieza asked.

"I have an idea Frieza! Let's play your favorite game! Candy Land!" Zarbon got the earth game out from under Frieza's bed and put it onto the bed.

"I'm too tired, but oh well I guess one game wouldn't hurt!" Frieza said.

Even though the rules clearly stated that the youngest would go first, Zarbon being the youngest, he kindly let Frieza go ahead of him. Frieza won the game, as usual!

"Yes I won!" Frieza said.

"Oh shut up, you always win!" Zarbon then knocked the board to the floor.

"Zarbon what the hell is up your ass lately?" Frieza asked.

"What I always yell at you!" Zarbon said.

"Yes but I feel that it's not just me this time that you're testy with! Just tell me who then. I might not be a mind reader, but I have known you well long enough to know when someone else is under your skin." Frieza said as he began to stroke Zarbon's hair.

It's true, Frieza raised Zarbon from a small toddler, but even so he was too busy to take care of him, so he was always in the company of Cui and Appule.

"Oh when I was at that stupid A-Mart place, I caught Miretta my younger sister and Vegeta making out behind the milk isle." Zarbon said.

"EWWW... that's gross!" Frieza said.

"Yes I just can't see him with her, but I can't see Shasha with her either…" Before Zarbon could finish Frieza interrupted him.

"No not that, I mean why would they chose a cheap covenant store to make out in?" Frieza asked.

"Hey is there something that you know that I don't?" Zarbon asked as if he was reading Frieza's mind or sensing something on his mind. Though Zarbon could read minds like most other aliens, it was illegal under Frieza to do so.

"Everyone knows that Miretta cheats on Shasha! She does it all the time!" Frieza said.

Zarbon's eyes opened up wide, "But why wasn't I informed about it? Why didn't she come and tell me?" Zarbon asked.

"You're too overprotective of her for one thing! Another thing, I have a strange feeling that Vegeta might have the tendency to betray us." Frieza said.

"Yes but what does this have to do with my sister? You don't think he's using her to get information out of me do you?" Zarbon asked.

"I'm afraid it's a little more complicated than that Zarbon. I'm pretty sure that he has had his eye on that woman since childhood. Especially since your father and his father betrothed the both of them together. Chances are they still have feelings for one another, despite the fact that Shasha is now Miretta's boyfriend and the father of her two children." Frieza said.

"What if Shasha found out, what would he do to my sister?" Zarbon asked.

"I don't think Shasha really cares or is smart enough to really pay attention to his girlfriend's cheating ways," Frieza said.

"You mean infidelity?" Zarbon asked.

"Oh God no, Shasha isn't married to her remember?" Frieza asked.

Of course Frieza was the only person besides the Cold Family that had no idea that Shasha was actually married to Miretta. In fact it was illegal on Planet Frieza for Primal Changelings to marry one another; the law stated that if a Primal Changeling was to wed another one, then they would both be sentence to death, depending on how horrible the crime was. Yes this did not make sense to anyone, especially Zarbon of all people, but persecution did not have to make sense, it just had to be implied.

The only other people that knew that Miretta was married to Shasha besides Zarbon were Vegeta, Dodoria, Appule, Cui and Liya. Everyone else thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend and could have cared less about their problems.

Anyways Frieza then continued on, "In other words I have a theory that as long as Miretta is here and willing to be Vegeta's lover, then he would have no reason to betray us, unless they run away together for some reason." Frieza said chuckling.

"No I won't have her run away with that annoying, arrogant stupid savage!" Zarbon said angry.

"Sorry but as the heir to the empire I suggest you get as much information about of Vegeta and Miretta as possible." Frieza said.

"Meaning...?" Zarbon asked.

"Meaning... that you must find a way to see if Vegeta is planning on betraying me or not! Now get out of here before I lecture you so hard that you fall asleep." Frieza said.

"Yes Master Frieza." Zarbon said.

Zarbon returned to his quarters only to call Cui in for a meeting to see if he had any ideas of getting information out of Vegeta instead of having to go through Miretta to do it.

"Ewww I can't believe it!" Cui said with disbelief.

"Yes I know Miretta is not only married to Shasha, but she is cheating on him with her ex-fiancé and of all people…Vegeta!" Zarbon said.

"No I mean why did they have to make out at that horrible convince store? Why couldn't they have chosen a more romantic spot, like the back of a convertible, or the movie theater, or even the opera house? Do you think that the back of the classroom with a bunch of kids in it would make it more romantic and more forbidden…?" Before Cui could finish his sentence, Zarbon interrupted.

"Oh Cui we're getting slightly off the subject!" Zarbon said.

"What do you want me to do about it? She's your sister, just talk to her and see what information you can get out of her." Cui said.

"I can't do that, I hate Vegeta's guts, but I can't afford him to betray us all because I forced her to dump him!" Zarbon then covered his mouth.

"Oh well we all know that Miretta doesn't care what you think either way." Cui said.

Appule ran into the room, "Zarbon I heard there was an emergency!" Applue said.

"Yes as it turns out, Miretta and Vegeta are cheating with one another behind Shasha's back!" Zarbon said.

"NOOOOO! She should have had her chance with me!" Appule said.

Cui snickered as he saw Appule turn a little purple in the face, "Oh please, she likes handsome men like Vegeta and Shasha, although in all honesty I think that Vegeta is better looking than Shasha…"

"Shut up!" Zarbon and Appule yelled together at Cui.

"Ok Appule maybe you can talk to her, she is more likely to listen to you than to me!" Zarbon said.

"No way, she likes someone else!" Appule said.

"What happened to Alice, I thought you were going study with her!" Cui said.

"I don't want to talk about it, but we broke up and decided to be just friends!" Appule said.

"Come on Appule please?" Zarbon asked.

"No!" Appule said.

Needless to say Appule's cries were in vain, for he ended up giving into Zarbon's demand, he also said please so that was enough for him to give in.

Miretta was out in the garden having a cup of tea and she was by herself, this was Appule's chance if anything, to get some information out of her about Vegeta.

"Hello Miretta, you wouldn't feel insulted if I were to interpret your quiet time would you?" Appule said sitting down in the chair in front of her.

"No not at all, it's been a while since we talked anyway." She said smiling as she poured the tea in an extra cup that she somehow had. It's as if she knew she would have a visitor!

Appule smiled noticing how pretty she was, and knocked the tea over, "Oh shoot," He said.

"Never fear for I have some extra tea to put into your cup," Miretta said pouring the tea into Appule's cup that he spilled.

"Thank you so much, so tell me how are things going with the girls?" Appule said since he was talking about Zarbon's two nieces that were the daughters of Miretta and Shasha.

"Funny you should ask. Shasha gave Tatiana a black eye and well the other one is sick with the flu," Miretta said.

"Oh that's terrible," Appule said trying to put on a compassionate face.

"So I heard that you and Alice broke up, Shasha told me after he got done rumpling her."

Hum must have been British-like slang Miretta was using, but Appule was pretty sure what she meant by rumpling. Anyways Alice was one of Frieza and Cooler's top concubines, she and Appule have dated secretly for many years, but recently they called it off, for they would think it would be easier to stay friends anyways. Needless to say other than Alice's duties as a sex slave, their relationship was beautiful!

"Yah it just didn't work out," Appule said looking sad.

"But you two were together for such a long time, I don't understand," Miretta said as she then sipped her cup of tea.

"It's too complicated to tell, but I have an interesting question to ask you, what do you like in a man?" Appule asked.

"Well I like big muscles, sexy accents like Shasha and Vegeta have, and I like good looks, like Vegeta has. Sometimes I like men that are so horribly ugly on the outside that it makes me feel so vulnerable that I want to be with him." Miretta said with a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Uhhh ok, what do you mean by so ugly on the outside?" Appule said.

"You know, having a lot of scars on their bodies or faces, maybe missing an eye, or a leg or an arm, or maybe being a burn victim that can't somehow heal himself up. I can't decide if I want someone ugly on the outside or handsome on the outside." Miretta said.

Appule rolled his eyes, while he knew there were plenty of girls out that there would go for horribly disfigured men, he didn't understand how she could like two types of men on the outside, let alone care.

"What about normal looking guys, have you ever considered them too?" Appule asked.

"Oh God no, normal guys are so boring like my brother!" Miretta said.

"But Zarbon's not as boring as you would think, I helped raised him with Cui after all!" Appule said.

"Yes but guys that don't like to get any action with other women or men, or are too smart just make me feel stupid," Miretta said.

"So let me get this straight, you are attracted to men like Shasha and Vegeta because they are either ugly, disfigured in some way, or handsome on the outside, and they are stupid and illiterate?" Appule said.

"Of course, Vegeta makes me feel so sexy while Shasha makes me feel so protected!" Miretta said.

"But Shasha beats the crap out of you and your daughters! Vegeta is not a very nice person, and he hates your brother, and Shasha has never been that nice to your brother either! Not to mention that Shasha cheats on you by raping other girls and having sex with the harem girls! Vegeta on the other hand is a rude little squirt that would rather be around other Sayains than around other aliens!" Appule said.

"So what I don't care what Zarbon thinks anyways! I can love whoever I want! Besides the Primal Changelings on my planet were boring and always courting me for my boobs and my exotic beauty, I also like Sayains because they are very sexy and I think their monkey tails are very cute. Why do you have someone better in mind?" Miretta said looking at Appule.

Appule then got nervous and avoided eye contact with Miretta, "Well I know this one guy who might be interested in you, he's really kind, and he's smart and I believe that he is a nurse." Appule said.

"No I don't like boys that take girl jobs seriously!" Miretta said laughing.

The woman was completely oblivious to Appule, she had no idea that Appule was talking about himself, and she did not seem to care either. It seemed like she had no idea that Appule ever liked her more than just a friend. She only saw him as a friend and that's all that she would ever see him as.

"I'm going to get up and leave, thank you I'm sorry I have to go but I have to go to the room where some of our solders need healing up." Appule said getting up and leaving the garden.

Appule stomped back into Zarbon's room, "So how did it go, did she ever say that Vegeta was a trader or had the potential to be?" Zarbon asked.

"Your sister is a scud monkey!" Appule yelled.

"What?" Zarbon asked raising an eyebrow.

"How can she live with the idea that she is in love with two guys? One of them is ugly on the outside, the other is handsome…I guess! Both of them are ugly on the inside in their own horrible ways!" Appule yelled.

"Nobody said that you had to like it." Zarbon said.

"I can't believe that I had a huge crush on your sister Zarbon! I want to get over her right now!" Appule yelled.

Zarbon shook his head with concern, "Maybe I should have asked someone else to question her…wait Liya might know how to get some information out of Miretta about the potential of Vegeta being a traitor!" Zarbon said.

Later on, Zarbon sent his beautiful, strange looking anteater like girlfriend to talk to Miretta and see what she thought of Vegeta being a traitor.

Liya asked Miretta to meet her in the library, a strange place to get info out of her. They started out with typical girl talk about men and which ones got on their nerves, "Oh I can't believe that Cui is such an asshole! What does he think I am? I'm a princess I should be treated as such!" Liya said.

"Yah Cui is a pretty strange person isn't he?" Miretta said chuckling.

"You know who else I think is so strange and very rude? Vegeta, that monkey thinks he owns the place!" Liya said.

"Excuse me?" Miretta asked raising an eyebrow.

"You know Vegeta that kid with the monkey tail, transforms into a horrible were-monkey since he is a child of the moon like most Sayains," Liya said.

"I don't think he's such a horrible person," Miretta said blushing deeply.

"What? Do you know how horrible he is to us? Most of us won't even look him in the eyes and talk to him just to avoid making any drama with him, and yet he yells at us anyways. He is such a miserable maggot; he dares to make me angry to just hurt my feelings!" Liya said.

"But how can you blame him for being so horrible? He lost his species to Frieza and he lost his father to Frieza too," Miretta said.

"Don't make excuses for him Miretta, he's a maggot! I lost my species to Frieza too, and I don't go around imposing my will on everyone that I hate!" Liya yelled.

Actually to be honest with you, Liya was a very unpleasant woman, she saw Shasha Miretta's husband kill her mother with her very own eyes when she was only six and still on her own planet, before he took her to Planet Frieza to be raised with Zarbon as his playmate so Zarbon could have someone to play with his own age. It also took her a few days to get used to Zarbon as a new playmate when they were little, it was only after Dodoria threatened to beat Liya up and Zarbon saved her, that she and Zarbon became close friends.

She had seen his other form before when they were little and when he was learning to first transform and even though it frightened her at first, she did not care anymore after a while. Zarbon was the only person she had to trust, Zarbon was a very caring friend and did not like what happened to her mother, after all both of them lost their mothers at very young ages so that is what first bonded them. They would go to the movies together, kiss each other on the lips, play with dolls and action figures, go to the zoo together and go to the circus and everything else that good friends did.

Sooner or later they fell in love, even though they were completely unrelated species. Sadly one day a life mistake would change Zarbon's feelings for her for the rest of his life.

Anyways to make matters worse, she was impregnated by a Carpathian prince, a prince of her own species that miraculously survived the genocide of the Carpathian anteater-like race of aliens. She dumped Zarbon when she found out she was pregnant and fourteen, she even told Zarbon to give her an abortion, poor Zarbon did not want to go through with it, so he read a bunch of medical books and was about the perform the abortion when Dodoria came into the room and caught Zarbon trying to play doctor and give Liya an abortion.

Frieza gave Liya special permission to marry her Carpathian husband, and then she had a daughter whom she loved more than anything in the world and saw less and less of Zarbon. After her husband and daughter were executed she tried to court Zarbon, but with little to no success, though they were just friends. Sad to say he could never love her ever the same as before. She hurt him far too much for them to be lovers again.

So yes while Zarbon turned out to be lovely young gentleman since he went to charm school, was raised most of the time by Appule who installed manners into Zarbon since he came from a good family background, Liya turned into a self-loathing, people hater when she got pissed off easily!

Although she did have a point to Miretta, the more Miretta defended Vegeta and his arrogance, the more Liya felt sick to her stomach, "You know what Miretta maybe if I take you out to the bar we can meet some good guys, not people like Shasha or Vegeta." Liya said.

"I can't, I promised I would meet Vegeta in the bed tonight and make love to him." Miretta said.

"So if you love Vegeta so much, then why don't you leave Shasha and be with him?" Liya asked.

"Because my brother hates him and he hates my brother," Miretta said.

"Did you even bother to ask Zarbon why he hates Vegeta so much? What do you see in that little creep? He's been nothing but mean to Zarbon and his friends!" Liya said.

"So what, Zarbon calls him a savage behind his back," Miretta said getting up and getting into Liya's face.

"Yes because he behaves like a savage, he would probably think higher of Vegeta if he just would act nice to everyone!" Liya said.

Needless to say those two girls kept on bickering until the librarian told them kindly as he could to leave!

Liya left the library and marched back into Zarbon's room, "Zarbon don't talk to me! Your sister is a despot!" Liya yelled marching straight into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her.

"I'm going to bed goodnight!" Liya yelled not realizing that she was in Zarbon's condo and not her own.

"Liya that's the water closet...my water closet!" Zarbon yelled to her.

Liya just stayed in there all night too disgusted with Miretta to leave and go back to her own room.

That evening, Miretta met Vegeta in bed when her husband was out on a mission to kill captured prisons and rape them possibly from another planet.

They made love of course, unprotected! They thought they were too far apart in species to reproduce which was almost correct, except that the primal changeling probably could mate with a human easier than with a Sayain warrior. Even so, this has almost never been put to the test.

"Oh yes Vegeta, make me feel young, make me feel like I'm important! Oh I think I might be pregnant again!" she yelled.

Vegeta stopped making love to her, "What? Now Miretta you know how I hate kids so much, so we better not be pregnant!" Vegeta said.

"It might not even be yours; chances are it might be Shasha's." Miretta said.

"Well anyways, even if Shasha is the father, your brother might still be angry with you!" Vegeta said.

"What do you have against my brother anyways, he has always tried to be nice to you, but you never let him!" Miretta said.

"Yes because he's only nice to me on his own time. Not on mine, it's never on my own time!" Vegeta said looking down.

Miretta rolled her eyes, why did her lover have to be so stubborn? Why could he not just get along with everyone on his and everyone else's time? Is this why she jumped into marrying Shasha just to get Zarbon off planet Frieza? Because in real life, Vegeta was a control-freak and would never let anything be on everyone else's time? Either way they were never going to marry, so they might as well have enjoyed being lovers while it lasted.

"Listen Vegeta, I know how much you want to kill Zarbon." Miretta said.

"No what makes you say that?" Vegeta asked trying to lie about it.

"Because sometimes when we are in bed together, I hear you having dreams about killing him and saying how honored you are to have his head on a stake, that really hurts my feelings." Miretta said.

"How can it possibly hurt your feelings? The guy despises things that aren't royalty! He never considered me a true prince and that hurts my feelings too!" Vegeta said.

"No Vegeta, it's not that. My brother has many friends that aren't of royalty, but he looks down on you because you act like a prince, too much of a prince, whereas he was raised to respect his elders and his peers a little bit more than you were. You used to order my father's slaves around like you owned his planet! Don't you remember?" Miretta asked.

"Yes and those were the good days I will tell you that, my father told me to order them around because your father didn't care and he loved my dad as a friend." Vegeta said.

"Yes that's true, but even so you could have showed a little bit more humility than that," Miretta said.

There was a good silence for about a few minutes then Miretta started talking again.

"Vegeta remember when our fathers betrothed us to be one someday? " Miretta asked.

"Yes that was also the best day of my life, because they chose you to be my wife when we were old enough to marry." Vegeta said.

"Yes it seems to me that you found it so flattering, but to me it was enslavement, I wanted to get so far away from my father because I didn't want to marry against my will like that. Trust me looking back, I would have wanted to marry you now, because unlike my brother who was raised to be noble, respectful and subservient you are the complete opposite. You were raised to be rebellious, to be self-centered, and that is what attracted me to you as well." Miretta said.

"Miretta we had a duty to our fathers, our fathers knew what was best for the both of us, even if we aren't able to mate with one another, they said that we would be allowed to adopt little Sayain and Primal Changeling children." Vegeta said.

"But you said that you hated kids," Miretta said.

"I didn't say that it was going to happen though," Vegeta said.

"Look Vegeta promise me one thing before I die, if I were to somehow die before my brother. Promise me that as long as I'm alive that you will allow my brother to live if you betray Frieza's army someday." Miretta said.

"Ewwww, forget it!" Vegeta said.

"Fine I won't sleep with you anymore if you don't! My brother is the only blood relative that I have on this planet, I love him because he is so protective of me and looks out for me the best he can." Miretta said.

"But…" Before Vegeta could finish, Miretta interrupted him.

"Yes I know you look down him because he looks down on you, but why would he feel the need to like you if you are so controlling? You and Shasha have very dominate personality and that is sexy in a man," Miretta said.

"Why did you choose Shasha over me, he's not even that cute, and he's very evil and all he does is rape other women and sleep with many women in that poor of an excuse for a harem that Frieza and Cooler use!" Vegeta said.

"What does that matter, you are free now that your father is dead, and you can marry whoever you want now. You don't have to wait for me; you can just find someone new to love." Miretta said.

"Damn it Miretta you were supposed to be mine!" Vegeta yelled trying to hold back the tears in his eyes.

"Oh Vegeta I want to continue to make love to you!" Miretta said grabbing him and making out with him for the longest time.

They continued to make love, until Shasha came back into the condo drunk as ever, in which Vegeta had to sneak out as cautiously as he could.

Frieza eventually got better within a week and went back to be the total badass that he was, nobody ever found out if Vegeta ever planned foul play on anyone. Miretta would keep this from everyone including her older half-brother Zarbon, until the day she died. So Frieza just kind of let it go for a while, until the Namic Saga came around when he wanted to find the Dragon balls, by then it was too late.

Of course nine months later Miretta gave birth to a son, the son that Shasha always wanted since he would not be able to stand another girl!

While Vegeta was relieved to hear that the baby was not his, Zarbon and friends could have swore than they could hear him crying in the bathroom, Nappa and Raddiz could have swore that he was upset at this since he would yell at them even harder than they usually got yelled at by him. Either way, Vegeta continued to see Miretta behind everyone's backs that did not know and did know, until the day she died.

End of Story


	10. Chapter 10

_The Most Ungrateful Little Wretch in the Universe_

Zarbon had had it up to here with Vegeta…for being his half-sister's secret lover! Yes, Zarbon's younger half- sister, the one that came to Planet Frieza to bring her older half-brother back to his estranged father, who had not seen in a couple of decades.

The exact same half-sister that was engaged to Vegeta on planet Primal, Zarbon's home planet, and then decided to marry Shasha Michliv that evil Cyrillic Primal Changeling from Planet Cyrillic who had a deep Russian accent and a temperament that matched a savage on Sunday morning!

Oh how he would beat her up, after all they only got together because they were horny and she wanted to get away from her father! That same half-younger sister that had coco-colored skin like many primal changeling women with black hair….such as her own mother and Zarbon's own mother. That thick British-sounding accent, those yellow- colored eyes that she inherited from her father, and oh...those boobs! What knockers on her! Now there's where I will get back to the point!

Anyways, despite the fact that she managed to bore Shasha three children, she got lonely and hated her husband so much, even though they were not supposed to be married, it was illegal for other species to marry on Planet Frieza! They could have cared less if they were breaking the law, and she could have cared less if he beat her up for having sex with Vegeta on the side.

A part of Vegeta missed having her as a lover and when he tried to go back to her, she would have to draw the line and tell him if she was busy with the kids or if Shasha was to return home. She had been blowing him off lately and had had enough.

Vegeta sat at lunch with Nappa and Raddiz, those two Sayains that managed to survive the Sayain Pesticide, since genocide usually referred to a tribe within a race of humans, or aliens. It has to be done by other humans or by aliens of that same tribe, but different ethnicities. Like for incense the Armenians and Jews being targeted for extermination! Forced assimilation….ok you get the point!

Pesticide refers to trying to annihilate an entire different species like the Sayains or the Steller's Sea Cow! Like what happened to the Dinosaurs which was more likely to be circumstantial than man-made! The Dodos which was more man-made and other species made than anything! Plenty of other species that I refuse to mention because I have no patience!

"I hear that Miretta is offing you lesser and lesser! What is the deal?" Nappa asked.

"I don't know, do you think I'm ugly?" Vegeta asked.

Raddiz then chimed in, "Of course not, if you were I would tell you in a nice way like, "You need a make-over", or "You need to do something with your hair! Then there is…"

"Ok, ok, I get the point! I believe you! Something in my gut tells me to pick on someone, who will it be?" Vegeta said looking around the cafeteria!

Vegeta needed a scapegoat and quick, let's see Dodoria? No, Dodoria really had nothing to do with Miretta at all! Liya, no way she was too busy with teaching ballet and going out to battle. What about Cui, no wait, he was almost impossible to talk to without him mocking him and coming up with these stupid conspiracy theories that were as bizarre as those JFK theories!

What about Shasha? Way too easy of a target and too brutal to be around pretty much, what about Appule? No wait, Appule did not really have any intention of harming Vegeta personally, although every once in a while he would put Vegeta in his place when Vegeta was acting like a jerk, but that was not enough for Vegeta to make Appule a scapegoat, especially since Appule managed to heal Vegeta up in that tank after battle.

Wait, of course! Zarbon! Zarbon was after all the easiest target for Vegeta ever! He hated Zarbon's guts, he hated Zarbon for even being half- related to Miretta, and he hated Zarbon because Zarbon was smarter, dressed classier and acted more like a high prized prince of the throne who was not worthy to sleep around with anyone, not even a woman of his own kind.

Of course Vegeta did not know that Zarbon did not take sex well at all, Vegeta has always misinterpreted Zarbon's nature, because Zarbon was a different species from him and he came off as a snob since he did not talk to him a lot of the time! Sometimes Zarbon teased Vegeta in front of his friends, but that was not enough to send Vegeta over the edge.

Vegeta needed to talk trash to Zarbon and now, so during lunchtime, Zarbon was eating his peanut butter and jelly sandwich and talking to Appule and Cui about his day helping Frieza conquer a planet that he was almost unfamiliar with and had no idea it existed!

"I can't believe that I was able to find that planet, I usually hate talking about work, but I took it over in a couple of days, it was so hard!" Zarbon said.

"Don't worry Zarbon sometimes we all have issues like that! Just because you did not know it existed doesn't mean it didn't exist to begin with!" Appule said.

It's true, Zarbon only talked and boasted around Frieza, mainly to keep alive and in his favor of course. Just because Frieza made him heir to his throne and raised him from a three-year-old, doesn't mean that Zarbon was let off the hook! If anything, his calm kind-hearted nature pissed Frieza off, in private and sometimes in front of others!

Anyways getting back to the story, Zarbon was eating peppered sushi made of shark right after he ate his peanut butter and jelly sandwich, he felt really hungry today, especially since killing all those females and children kind of got to him….emotionally! He could not help but think, "What if those were my nieces and nephew? What if that was my sister?"

It's not like Vegeta cared nor caught onto Zarbon's "semi-secret human side". Vegeta also killed plenty of women and children too! It wasn't a loss to him that Zarbon would feel upset about it, not that he was able to catch onto it! It just made him easier of a target because sometimes when Zarbon less savage with people, it pissed him off!

Vegeta went up to Zarbon from behind, pulled on his hair and Zarbon fell down to the floor! While most of everyone in the cafeteria laughed their butts off, Liya, Appule and Cui were the only ones that actually attempted to help Zarbon up and comfort him. They were pretty much his only friends and allies!

"Are you all right Zarbon?" Appule asked.

Some of Zarbon's shyness came from being around Appule growing up, since Appule had a human-like side and he was more kind than Frieza ever would have been! As time went on, Appule turned from a caregiver to Zarbon to being more of a friend! He was the only one that he could really count on to trust with information.

Oh what? You thought that since Frieza raised Zarbon from a three-year old after his mother died, that that officially makes Frieza the one that raised Zarbon? No way, Zarbon only bonded to Frieza because he didn't have a choice, it's not like he picked up his temperament from Frieza. Zarbon never ever looked up to Frieza; Frieza was the one that took his carefree childhood away from him!

After all Appule basically raised Zarbon while Frieza planned on conquering planets, eliminating races like the spoiled brat that he was! It was basically Appule that indirectly gave Zarbon a human side, Zarbon picked up Appule's gentle nurturing nature by copying him. Appule treated Zarbon like a person, not like a slave, GI Joe toy, or a sex object like Frieza did!

"I think so, what happened?" Zarbon asked.

"Vegeta pulled you by your hair and you fell to the ground," Cui said.

Ironically despite being a conspirator and a major double agent, Cui used to babysit Zarbon with Appule! He was going to be the one who would originally adopt Zarbon since Zarbon's mom wrote in her will that Cui would take care of him if she were to die. Instead, Frieza was the one who adopted Zarbon!

Frieza was the one who wanted to put him in an orphanage because he was mad that Zarbon's mom rejected his unrequited lust for her! Then he changed his mind and thought since he lusted over Zarbon's mom before she died, that he could at least make it up to her to raise Zarbon…that was his way of getting his revenge! Causing the poor kid so much pain, that Serena would watch from her grave covering her eyes up!

In actuality, Vegeta would never know Zarbon's secret pain, because Zarbon was able to mask it in public by the time Vegeta was given to Frieza! Vegeta was still under his father's house, he was raised to basically kill, to boast, and to put servants and peasants in their place! Vegeta in fact got his violent and arrogant attitude to life from his own father, not Frieza!

Of course it was normal to him to act all mean and savage, it was the only thing he knew! Besides, Zarbon did not even meet Vegeta until after Vegeta's own father gave him to Frieza as a bargaining present! By that time, Frieza got bored sexually abusing Zarbon, Zarbon was too old and too smart to let that happen to him anymore than it used to!

However, a note must be made that Vegeta was amused by Zarbon when he got angry with him, because it was the best way to make fun of him behind his back. Zarbon got mad and watched as Vegeta waved to him with a smart-ass look on his face, "Oh and you wonder why I can't talk to a stupid savage monkey like him?" Zarbon yelled out.

"He called you a monkey! What are you going to do?" Nappa asked.

"Technically Nappa, we are stupid savage monkeys, but it's not like Zarbon knows a thing about our race!" Vegeta said.

"Except that your race was obliterated…by a comet!" Zarbon said as he looked over at Appule shaking his head no! Zarbon almost said what really happened, he almost spit out the truth! Had Appule not shook his head and Zarbon not of looked over at Appule to correct himself, he would have burst out the biggest more darkest secret hidden from the remaining Sayains on Planet Frieza!

After all it was a secret that Zarbon and Frieza's council of other generals voted on the annihilation of the Sayain race. Zarbon was the only one who voted no, and Zarbon was outvoted by the other more generals since Frieza wanted to kill all the Sayains off anyways. The generals must have picked up on this earlier since Frieza had openly talked about how violent and rude the Sayains were.

Either way it was kind of a rigged vote, so it's not like it mattered if Zarbon had a say-so or not, he was the one that delivered the vote to Frieza personally and that is how Frieza decided to destroy the Sayain Race. For once in his life, besides deciding things himself, Frieza decided that his generals needed to vote on this, so if Frieza was found out he could blame it all on them!

The many reports of brutal behavior from many of the Sayains onto civilians of their own kind, and Frieza's kind, Zarbon and Frieza's other men clearly did not really need psychic powers to see that the Sayains were a growing threat, especially since the random massacres on Frieza's civilians was one of the reasons why Frieza decided to eliminate the Sayains.

They had seen these Sayains act violently which made Zarbon think that Frieza made a huge mistake trying to control them! "Well look who's talking!" Vegeta yelled out.

"ARRRHHH!" Zarbon yelled.

Zarbon lost his temper and then plunged at Vegeta and they both then got into a huge fight in the cafeteria! Then they were reported to Frieza! They sat in front of Frieza's desk, both had black eyes, bruised skin and of course blood on them everywhere.

"Now Zarbon how many times do I have to tell you not to stoop to this monkey's level?" Frieza asked.

"I tried not to, but he pulled my hair and I didn't do anything to deserve that!" Zarbon said.

"You were raised better than that! I didn't raise you to be this way!" Frieza yelled at Zarbon.

"You hardly raised me at all I was in the care of Appule and Cui at the time, which is probably why I am not an s…." Zarbon was then interrupted by Frieza.

"Ok I get the point, but you were not raised to act out whenever you wanted to! You might be a slave like him, but you are the heir to my empire! I need to keep you intelligent and well behaved so you might be an outstanding ruler someday!" Frieza said.

"Oh like you?" Zarbon sarcastically said smiling really fake.

Frieza got furious and slapped Zarbon in the face, "How dare you raise your voice at me!" Frieza said.

Vegeta laughed his ass off, Frieza furiously slapped Vegeta in the face so hard that Vegeta fell out of his seat. "Don't think you get off easily either Vegeta! You are the one that started it! If you two weren't in my favor then I would have killed the both of you right this second for acting stupid!" Frieza said.

"Exactly you are too chicken to..." Before Zarbon could finish Vegeta chimed in.

"Yes maybe we should cut Frieza some slack," Vegeta said.

Zarbon looked furiously at Vegeta, for most of his life he had witnessed the evil things Frieza, Dodoria, Shasha, and countless of other low-level solders have done to countless civilians. Zarbon only killed women and children when ordered to, but those others took it to many more different levels than he cared to witness.

How does this even relate to this story you ask? Vegeta was not in Zarbon's life when Zarbon was raped by Frieza… when he was a child. Vegeta was eight to ten years younger than Zarbon in human years, he wasn't even born yet when Frieza decided to take his sexual frustrations out on Zarbon! When Zarbon was forced to start killing women and children, he wasn't even past the age of sixteen and hadn't met Vegeta yet!

Frieza was just lucky that Zarbon was too chicken to personally hurt Frieza, even though he thought about constantly overthrowing him! In fact, had Zarbon been raised by Frieza personally twenty-four seven and not Appule or Cui he could have ended up as brutal as Vegeta, Shasha or Dodoria! Frieza caught onto this idea years ago, and kept docile individuals like Appule and Cui around Zarbon so that he did not get the idea to try to destroy Frieza someday when the time came.

However, Frieza knew that if he was raised around docile people like Appule and Cui it would have its drawbacks, like Zarbon shaking each time Frieza killed someone, that wasn't the worse of it! The worse of it would be Zarbon crying in public, or crying in private, which Frieza saw as a weakness, but that was better than raising someone to be a total killing machine that would turn on you when having your back turned for one second.

It just was not in Zarbon's true nature to kill people or watch it with pride, of course faking it was enough for those other solders, but Frieza always knew Zarbon would fake being happy to see people suffer, since he is the one that raised him from a 3-year-old after his mom dumped him onto Planet Frieza!

Let's get back to the story now, later on Zarbon was in his room talking with Appule, Appule was his best friend in the world besides his pet cat Blacky, whom Appule gave to Zarbon in his eighteenth birthday and was actually a familiar spirit born into a cat's body!

However this was serious, Vegeta had tried to cross the line with many people, and he targeted Zarbon for the most part, but Zarbon could not really understand why!

"Out of all the people that are here in the palace I am the only one that has tried to understand Vegeta and try to befriend him! What is the matter with me?" Zarbon asked.

Appule did not think anything was personally wrong with Zarbon, although Zarbon was a little bit on the vain and privileged side, there seemed nothing wrong with him compared to Frieza's most ruthless men, however Zarbon did have another flaw that bugged Appule more-so than his vanity and naivety!

"Zarbon I have told you time and again that Vegeta isn't worth getting to know that well! He's aggressive, he's always going to be aggressive, and he isn't worth befriending because he hates you and everyone else! He was raised by an evil tyrant like Frieza, except this one…" before Appule could finish Zarbon interrupted.

"That little snot doesn't know how lucky he is compared to the people of planet Frieza! Many of them are raised in poverty and can't read, write or even eat most of the time!" Zarbon said.

"What can you do, life sucks sometimes." Appule said.

"No I was thinking that maybe what we need to do is make Vegeta know how special he really is, so that he realizes not to act alike a spoiled brat!" Zarbon said.

"Time out, he already knows how special he is, that's the problem we're trying to get rid of remember?" Appule said.

"What if we could make him feel guilty about how special he is, and he won't think too highly of himself!" Zarbon said.

"Zarbon you are going into uncharted waters here, Vegeta is arrogant, he always has been, and he will always probably be! You can't change him, it's like trying to change Shasha or Dodoria, except it's a bit more complicated in this case, because we're dealing with another prince besides yourself!" Appule said.

"I know that, but I have been taught by you personally that there are people out there that have is worse than me! You are right about that, although I still say being sexually molested by Frieza isn't a huge honor." Zarbon said.

"You were a young boy Zarbon, you didn't understand back then that Frieza was a…" Appule then got his mouth covered by Zarbon.

"Quiet Appule, someone could overhear you! Let's think about how we are going to do this! You know make Vegeta feel that being special isn't always a great idea." Zarbon said.

So Zarbon and Appule worked out Zarbon's massive, but total fail potential plan to make Vegeta feel more modest, which was a challenge of course.

Zarbon took Vegeta to a very poor side of the planet with Nappa behind them, "You aren't going to rape Vegeta or nothing are you?" Nappa asked.

"Nappa, please that's not right to say such things!" Zarbon said taking Vegeta by the hand. They walked over to a peasant's village in which there were women who were scything the fields of wheat and barley to ship out into the cities.

"Ok so far I don't understand what the deal is, are you trying to get me mad or something?" Vegeta asked.

"No I'm not, I'm trying to show you how special you are, you are so special that you don't have to work in the fields like these people do." Zarbon said.

"I'm bored can we go back to the spaceship and go back to the palace?" Vegeta asked.

"No not yet! Go up and ask them a question if you must get the point!" Zarbon said.

Vegeta thought what the hell! He went up to a peasant Icejin Changeling woman who was scything some wheat and then putting it into a basket. "Excuse me peasant, I have a question to ask you!" Vegeta said.

The peasant turned to him, "Look I'm not off of work until 19 in the evening. If you want to go to the brothel or something, just get in line, I have plenty of people waiting for me!" She said.

"Wow you're amazing! Do you charge…"

"Ok, ok! Sorry Madam, but the kid was here to learn a life lesson, not to join your brothel party!" Zarbon said picking Vegeta up and taking him back to the ship.

Nappa walked up to the woman, "Hey lady can I come to your brothel, whatever that may be?"

The only reaction that Nappa got was a scythe in his head, it probably mushed his brains of course, and Zarbon had a hell of a time yanking it out for it was stuck in there good!

"So is this your master plan Zippy? Getting us killed and raped by stupid peasants?" Vegeta said.

"No, we need to go to the big city to show you why you are truly special and fortunate to live in a great palace with Frieza!" Zarbon said.

"Good because those peasants are so smelly and stupid!" Vegeta said laughing.

Zarbon glared at Vegeta, "Yes perhaps you have a point,"

So they went to one of the big cities on the planet, one was the capital of the planet and it was outside very far from where Vegeta and Zarbon lived of course! Zarbon was not a huge city person nor was he really a talker for the city. This quiet palace boy and this other palace boy with the big mouth and arrogant attitude had no idea what they were in for!

As Zarbon, Nappa and Vegeta walked down the street in Downtown Planet Frieza, they were being stared at by thuggish looking people, more thuggish looking than say…Dodoria or Shasha. Zarbon just put on a brave face, whereas Nappa and Vegeta were too brave and possibly to stupid and naïve to really know the danger they faced, just because Zarbon tried to lecture them both on how lucky they were.

Anyways they went into a pub, there was fighting, women Icejin Changeling women who were making out with men they never met, and of course…plenty of liquor!

Zarbon then cleared his throat and said, "Vegeta, in our cafeteria in the palace, it's more organized than this, and you don't really get arrested by the secret police, you just get sent to Frieza's office and tell him why you were fighting."

"This place is awesome!" Vegeta said excited.

Everyone turned to look at him, Nappa and Zarbon, "Uh hi!" Nappa said.

Everyone then went back to what they were doing, nothing interesting with these three odd characters. Just two narcissistic princes and a dork that reminded them of a piece of hillbilly white trash that could only be founded on planet earth 1 and 2.

"So what's your point? That I'm not rough enough to live here?" Vegeta asked.

"No that's not what I meant Vegeta, I'm just saying…"

"Nope speak no further glamour-puss, allow me to take it from here!" Vegeta said walking up to the bar and sitting down on a chair at the bar.

"Hey you, I want a cocktail with extra lemons and limes in it!" Vegeta said.

The bartender turned around, he was a nasty looking fellow, and in fact he had no eyes because he was blinded! Possibly by Frieza's secret police that walked in the city. Other than that, he was tough looking, and he had many scars on him. He could not see, but that didn't mean that he did not know where Vegeta was sitting exactly, he depended on his ears to know where he was.

"We don't got no lemons ass-wipe!" he said.

Uhhhh... he was ugly when he opened his mouth, he was just so horrible looking, his teeth were all gone and his tongue was slightly cut off, so that when he talked he sounded like he talked with a lisp in a deep voice.

This was not enough to scare Vegeta, heck he had seen more banged up people than this!

"You don't scare me, get me a lemon or else I will make you a lemon you hear me?" Vegeta yelled getting pissed off. He got so pissed off that he threw a fireball into the bar, which destroyed all the liquor on the shelf, and nearly killing the bar-tender.

"You better apologize or else you will be my next dinner!" The bartender said jumping over the bar and walking up to Vegeta.

"Bring it on blindy the pirate!" Vegeta said laughing.

A huge fight broke out between the bartender and Vegeta, Zarbon now had to interfere! "I have to save him, stay here!" Zarbon said to Nappa.

"I'm coming with you Zarbon!" Nappa said, but someone tried to pin Nappa down, but it was useless, Nappa ducked before he could be pinned down and then used his monkey tail to throw that hooligan to the other side of the room.

Zarbon tried to break up the bartender and Vegeta, but he got hurt doing it. Things from here on got a little bit worse, when I mean worse, I mean really bad!

So Zarbon, Nappa and Vegeta were taken back to the palace of Frieza, and since the secret police didn't know that it was Zarbon the heir to the empire and the top general and soothsayer for Frieza, of course they didn't think twice about it. They also didn't know what species Vegeta and Nappa were, all they knew that Vegeta, Nappa and Zarbon were all trouble!

They got to Frieza's palace and Frieza looked at the three "hooligans" and he was shocked, "What the hell is this?" Frieza asked.

"We caught three trouble makers at a bar who started a huge bar fight!" one of the secret police said.

"Those aren't trouble makers, that tall turquoise colored one is my adopted son and top general, and those two, are my two of my three Sayains that I spared from….that comet!" Frieza said almost spitting the truth out.

"Just go home, leave these three to me!" Frieza said.

Vegeta raised his eyebrow, "What do you mean spared from that co…"

"All right what the hell were you three doing out by yourselves! You know you are forbidden from leaving the palace! You Zarbon should especially know better!" Frieza said.

"But sir I was trying to show Vegeta how lucky he was to live in a palace, I wanted him to feel fortunate compared to most of our planet inhabitances, so that they wouldn't bitch, complain or start random fights in the cafeteria!" Zarbon said.

"Zarbon I did not tell you to give Vegeta a lesson in gratitude! Besides that's just going to make him feel twice as cocky, he's a sociopath remember?" Frieza asked.

"I wouldn't say that he's a…."

"Zarbon don't try to stand up for him, he's a sociopath and you know it! You are in denial and you think you can befriend him! Sayains aren't friendly to other species let alone their own which is why I…I mean that comet destroyed their planet! Evolution decided that they needed to be destroyed so that is why he sent that comment out to their planet to be destroyed!" Frieza said correcting himself again when he realized that he was in front of Vegeta and Nappa.

"What or who is evolution?" Nappa asked.

"Never mind it's not important, fuck off all of you, especially you Zarbon! I don't want to talk to you or speak with you for a week!" Frieza said crossing his arms.

"Why the hell did he use speak and talk to you in the same sentence?" Zarbon wondered thinking to himself.

Later sometime that week Zarbon felt terrible…actually felt terrible that he got that spoiled brat of a prince in trouble. After being warned by both Frieza and Appule that Vegeta was a sociopath since the elimination of his own species and Miretta marrying Shasha instead of him pretty much stabbed him in the heart, Zarbon ignored them! He ignored them, why did he do that?

Anyways, Zarbon knew that being the bigger person was so hard even after Frieza told him several times to be the bigger person around Vegeta and let Vegeta make an ass out of himself.

He knocked on Vegeta's door, Nappa answered it, "What do you want bluebell." Nappa asked.

Zarbon frowned he hated being called bluebell, "Is Vegeta around?" he asked.

"Yes he is do you want to see him?" Nappa asked.

What a stupid question, why would Zarbon ask for Vegeta if he didn't want to talk to him? Oh well, Nappa was an idiot anyways. "Yes I do," Zarbon said.

"This way Zarbon bluebell sir," Nappa said.

Zarbon rolled his eyes and went into the room Vegeta was sitting down looking at a comic book, which he couldn't read of course because like many of his dead Sayains he was illiterate. "Vegeta I want to apologize to you for getting you into trouble. That was not my intention, but anyways I brought you a present." Zarbon said.

Vegeta put his comic book and looked at Zarbon in a disgusted way, "Ewwww, you aren't trying to rape me by giving me this present as a bribe... are you?" Vegeta asked even though he knew that this was not true and couldn't be further from the truth.

"No, it's a new version of a Scouter that was given to me by Appule as a present, I thought that I had no use for it and thought you could use it for your missions instead!" Zarbon said.

"Oh let's see it!" Vegeta said grabbing it from Zarbon.

He studied the Scouter and then did something that Zarbon did not think would happen, he threw it against the wall, he laughed.

"Sorry but I don't need it," Vegeta said.

"Then why didn't you give it back to me? I could have used it if you didn't want it!" Zarbon asked frustrated and angry.

"Why did you try to give it to me if you wanted it so badly?" Vegeta asked grabbing his comic book and started looking at the pictures again.

"You do realize that you broke a very expensive item that you could have sold on the internet to the highest bidder, right?" Zarbon asked.

"I don't care!" Vegeta said.

Well there went that idea of trying to make peace with that savage! Zarbon was the last person to hate Vegeta, and the reason why he was trying to be nice was so that he made a promise to his half-sister Miretta not to harm or kill Vegeta until after she died.

Zarbon angrily walked out of his room and went back to his room; he probably would tell Appule that he lost the Scouter... that is if he did not find out first that that stupid dork Vegeta broke the Scouter first!


	11. Chapter 11

_Life with the Cyrillic Girl_

Well guess what….Appule found out from Nappa what happened to the fancy scouter that he gave to Zarbon for a present. He was furious with Zarbon; he bought that for Zarbon and Zarbon only! Zarbon was one of Appule's best friends ever! Hell, he practically raised Zarbon and taught him manners and how to be a gentleman while Frieza wouldn't have done such a thing!

"Zarbon, you are a moron! I told you that Vegeta was crap! He's not only crap he's a savage! He doesn't have feelings! He's mean and he's rude! He should be ashamed to even be called a prince! The only prince I see in him is the prince of mean!" Appule said.

Zarbon tried to look guilty, "I'm sorry Appule, but I didn't think he would be as brainless as to..."

"Of course he's brainless, breaking an expensive object is not only a brainless thing to do, it's a cruel thing to do! He could have sold it on the internet if he wanted to, but no he chosen to break it, in front of you, to hurt you and me!" Appule said.

"But he didn't really hurt me, but I'm sorry he hurt you!" Zarbon said.

"You're sorry? You're sorry? I paid 1000 Frieza Rutnicks for that! It was expensive Zarbon, and I got it on sale too!" Appule said looking sad. Frieza Rutnicks was another name for the currency in dollar bills for Planet Frieza.

Zarbon looked into Appule's big black eyes, they looked so sad! He felt badly and said, "I'm sorry Appule, I thought that..."

"You thought you could befriend him? He wasn't even friends with Nappa and Raddiz to being with!" Appule said.

"What do you mean?" Zarbon asked.

"Vegeta only hangs out with those two because they are the same species as him, he doesn't look at them as his equals, because they came from poor families and he was born into a rich one!" Appule said.

"Wow, I never knew that," Zarbon said.

"Well now you know, you really need to stop trying to be that guy's friend. Nobody can be his friend; he's too selfish and narcissistic to have true friends. He looks down on you and me even though we are at a higher position than him!" Appule said.

"That's too bad, but…." Zarbon did not finish, Appule interrupted.

"But nothing, he's doomed! We're doomed! Everyone is doomed!" Appule said getting dramatic.

Zarbon then came up with an idea, a smarter idea to soften Vegeta up. "Clam down Appule, what if I could find someone that looked like Miretta enough for Vegeta to soften up!" Zarbon said.

For those of you living under a rock, Vegeta was previously engaged to Miretta, because King Vegeta and Zarbon's dad King Morphiess were best friends. Vegeta had known her since he was a baby, he played with her, he admired her from afar and all that time he spent with her, he never once knew that Primal Changelings transformed into ugly creatures as a self-defense mechanism and a mating ritual.

Of course Vegeta was crushed to learn after being given to Frieza by his dad, that his fiancé was married to a brute like Shasha! Vegeta occasionally cheated with her behind Shasha's back, but that did not seem to bother Shasha very much, he had a bunch of other women to force sex on and seduce. Zarbon of course wanted to stay out of this issue as much as possible.

Then there was the issue of Zarbon being related to Miretta….this did not make his relationship with Vegeta any better, it actually made it worse. I guess you can say that Vegeta always will assume that Zarbon is somehow friends with his brother-in-law Shasha Michliv, but its pure bull-crap! Zarbon never wanted to be friends or even allies with Shasha!

"Wait what are you suggesting?" Appule asked.

"I am saying we need to get online and look for a wife for Vegeta so that he can soften up to everyone else!" Zarbon said.

"How is that going to work when everyone else is mean to Vegeta, talks badly behind his back and won't even say hi to him? It's not like we're any less innocent in this case!" Appule said.

"That's not the point, what if we can find a woman who is so clever, so beautiful that she can soften Vegeta up herself and we would not have to worry about Vegeta trying to overthrow Frieza and try to rule Frieza's empire with an even more iron fist!" Zarbon said.

"Well two Frieza's are worse than one, there can only be one Frieza! Zarbon, let's find him a wife!" Appule said pointing his finger up into the air, as if charging into battle.

The two schemed innocently while Vegeta paid no attention to them, he was actually on a week-long mission and was still mad at Zarbon for getting him into trouble when Zarbon tried to show Vegeta how fortunate he was compared to the other people on Planet Frieza. We don't know why Zarbon thought this scheme could work any better, we just know that Zarbon thought it was a good idea at the time.

What Zarbon and Appule failed to realize was that they would get into huge trouble! They went online to look at girl profiles on the websites, most of the website they came across were websites that were too exotic, too showy, and only promoted more sex than marriage! Was there not a website in the galaxy that could help?

"Oh damn it, we went through all these profiles and nobody seems to be good enough for Vegeta!" Zarbon said in the computer room.

"Zarbon just give it up, what makes you think that Vegeta is going to change because of a woman's love?" Appule said.

Zarbon then naïvely said, "I don't know, but I have heard fairytales in which…."

"Those are fairytales Zarbon! This is real life; it doesn't take a woman to soften a man up, it just can't happen!" Appule said.

"How do you know, you only dated one woman I can think of and she happens to be in Frieza and Cooler's harem!" Zarbon said.

"What about all the women that courted you, you are too scared to have sex with them let alone spend the rest of your life with them!" Appule said crossing his arms.

Shasha Michliv was at the table behind the computer writing down stuff in the Cyrillic text. He could not help but overhear that these two were scheming to get Vegeta a wife so that she would soften him up! This was so amusing and hilarious that Shasha then put his pencil down and walked up behind them.

The two still argued with one another about what true love was and was not. "That is so not true! I am not the type of person to give my body to someone I don't like." Zarbon said.

"Yah because you are frightened of porno, anything from man on man, woman and woman, man on woman, or threesomes!" Appule said, giving too much information all at once.

"Porno is gross, there isn't anything classy about it! I just told you, I love myself too much to stick myself inside just anyone that is too brainless, ugly, fake, or too promiscuous, you taught me this growing up remember?" Zarbon said as Shasha's eyes grew wide. This is probably the first time in a while Shasha had ever heard Zarbon use such "colorful" language!

"Oh grow up, forget what I said, and stop reading your fairy stories, this is real life, real life sucks!" Appule said.

Shasha could not stop smiling, he was about to laugh his ass off, so he decided to get to the bottom of things and try to understand why the heck they were arguing with one another, when he rarely seen Zarbon and Appule argue with one another so intensely over the stupidest thing.

"Hello Zarbon and Appule, vhat are you doing?" Shasha asked in his thick Cyrillic Accent, which sounded of course like a Russian accent.

"It's none of your concern Shasha!" Zarbon said crossing his arms.

"I could not help but overhear that you are looking for woman for Vegeta!" Shasha said in a rather charming but icy sounding voice.

"So what... why would you care if Vegeta gets married or not?" Appule asked.

"I know this one site vhich you can actually order mail order bride from Planet Cyrillic!" Shasha said.

Appule then said, "How would you know? You can't even read in English or Japanese enough to even…"

"Just listen don't talk! I have ordered many of vomen online and many of them actually live downtown on other side of planet!" Shasha said.

Zarbon's eyes grew widely and then he said, "We can't go to the other side of the planet to look for a woman there, I just came back from there…."

"Vhat vere you doing there?" Shasha asked.

"I was trying to show Vegeta that he had it better than most Planet Frieza citizens, so he wouldn't be such a snob." Zarbon said.

"Listen Primal Changeling pup! You know nothing about love, sex or marriage Appule is right, you are too frightened of porno to even appreciate close connection to female or male! Of course I know vhat I'm talking about!" Shasha said immediately going back to the subject of love.

"What do you know about love? You rape girls on and off the battlefield, you have an illegal wife and three children with her, but that's not love! Your wife cheats with Vegeta, and you cheat on her with the sex slaves! None of you are truly in love with one another! As far as I'm concerned, you two just wanted to mate and have babies." Zarbon said.

Zarbon was probably more right about that than he was given credit for. He had very mixed feelings about his half-sister, who was younger than him by four or five years. She married Shasha, after knowing each other for only a few days. To Zarbon, she was the dumbest woman in the world, especially after she was raised by his estranged, stubborn and superficial dad after her mother ran off.

Shasha was also one of the reasons other than Frieza why Zarbon hated watching porno or having sex. Long story short, Zarbon hated having sex and porno, because of his trust issues and he was hurt sexually as a child by Frieza, which traumatized him almost as much as it did watching Shasha have his way with females on the battlefield.

"By the way Miretta want to know if you vill help her babysit the kids two days from now, because I have to go on mission soon and she going out to dinner with Liya!" Shasha said.

"Sure whatever, it's all good!" Zarbon said.

Shasha then took over the computer, typed in the Cyrillic language and then looked on the site he was talking about and then smiled evilly, "Perfect!" he said.

Appule looked at the girl on the profile, "She looks like any other Planet Primal Changeling from Planet Primal! She couldn't be any different than..."

"Don't compare Planet Primal Changelings vith Primal Changelings from Planet Cyrillic, you vill get nowhere!" Shasha said shaking his head.

A couple days later Appule was given a few Cooler Chillings, a coin currency used on Planet Frieza, by Zarbon to bribe Nappa into setting Vegeta up with this hot Cyrillic woman! Nappa was busying picking his nose, eww…anyways Appule approached him, "Hey Nappa, Vegeta wanted me to pay you to do something for him!" Appule said.

Even though he was told by Zarbon to tell Nappa that Frieza wanted Vegeta to start dating, which was totally untrue, Appule figured they would get into trouble and Nappa would go and blab to Frieza about it since the only person he never blabbed about to Frieza was Vegeta! For once Appule was using his head and Zarbon almost was not!

Come on now, Appule was talking to Nappa, so uncharacteristic of that quiet nurse that healed people up in the septic tanks after going on missions and being wounded! Like Nappa was smart enough to know that this was suspicious behavior, because he did not know! He didn't know Appule as well as he knew Zarbon, so how would he know in the right mind?

Nappa scratched his head, "Why does Vegeta want me to…?"

"Shhhh, don't talk... just accept the money!" Appule said putting the money into Nappa's Sayain Armor.

Hours later Zarbon, Appule and alas…Nappa went to pick the Primal Changeling from Planet Cyrillic up at the space pod grounds in downtown Planet Frieza! Yes Zarbon did not want to spend a lot of time going downtown, but hey they could not pick her up at the space pod grounds at the palace, someone would notice and tell Frieza what was going on!

Their plan had worked too well for it to get screwed up right away! A Primal Changeling woman stepped out of the space pod, nothing different looking from the Primal Changelings that lived on Planet Frieza, she seemed pretty normal and clam. She was really pretty with a burgundy fur coat on, and a Russian like-fur hat.

That was a good thing, but then she opened her mouth and spoke, "Такой красивый день! Ой такие красивые мужчины!"

Something should always be noted on the history of these two Primal Changeling ethnic groups, the only thing that separated Primal Changelings on Planet Primal and Planet Cyrillic was that Planet Primal Changelings spoke English as a major language and would sometimes use Japanese in poetry and French in conversation as well.

So what explains how this mess got created among the Primal Changelings in the first place? Like other alien races, the Primal Changelings would communicate easier with other alien species using human languages, because alien languages were much easier to mess up phonetically. The sounds and pronunciations were made in some alien tongues that were not possible to make in others.

One day, the entire universe got together and decided to use human languages to communicate with one another. There were five tongues total to choose from, English, Japanese, French, Russian and some other language. These languages could easily be mimicked by humans and their sounds and pronunciations were quite easier to read and learn.

It got to the point where the Cyrillic Primal Changelings did not want to speak English, Japanese or French with the other alien species, or other Primal Changelings. They thought that English was impossible to pronounced, French sounded snotty, and Japanese was impossible to read and speak by just looking at a symbol.

The Primal Changelings that wanted to speak just Russian, then proclaimed a different ethnic group…that called the Planet Cyrillicans. They went and colonized another planet after they ran off Planet Primal. So now we have two planets where Primal Changelings were the dominate species. They only would occasionally clash over language and cultural differences if they lived on Planet Frieza.

Zarbon's jaw just dropped and Appule blinked his eyes, whereas Nappa thought this girl was cute! He did not care if she spoke something else he couldn't understand.

"What did she just say Zarbon?" Appule asked.

"Uhhh...I'm not sure! Do you speak English?" Zarbon asked.

"Где человек что я сказала на интернете?" The woman asked looking confused.

"Zarbon you are the language expert here! What did she say?" Appule asked.

"I did horrible in Russian class in military school." Zarbon said.

Zarbon had a flashback of being in military school, since he was a straight A-student and a higher achiever than his peers, General Korm thought to put him in an advanced class where Russian was only spoken, needless to say that was a huge error in judgment! Zarbon never learned Russian while living with Frieza; in fact the only time he spoke it was when he sang songs in choir in the Russian language!

Fifteen year old Zarbon went up to the front of the class and had to read a poem by Pushkin to the entire class, and his accent was so thick since he spoke mostly English at home, people could not help but laugh, "На русалка на ветвях сидит!"

It did not go well, Zarbon was laughed at mercilessly and he ran out of the room crying and asked to be moved to an advanced French speaking class, which he was the very next day!

Appule then woke Zarbon up from his flashback, "Zarbon get it together!" Appule said.

Zarbon stopped thinking about that horrible time at military school, "Oh sorry, I was just…"

"What are we going to do with her? Should she just go back to her home planet?" Appule asked.

The women walked up to Appule, "Где находеться универсете?" she asked.

"Uhhhh...Shasha where are you!" Appule asked frustrated.

"Calm down, we just have to figure out what to do with her, we can't give her to Vegeta, Vegeta doesn't speak Cyrillic Russian, so that's a major problem here." Zarbon said thinking.

"Let's take her to Shasha; maybe he will know how to interpret for her!" Appule said.

They took her to Shasha the moment Shasha was free from conquering a planet, Shasha looked at the wench who didn't speak English, or even Japanese. He smiled and said, "She perfect!"

"No she isn't she doesn't speak English! She speaks just Cyrillic Russian!" Appule said.

"No I mean perfect for me!" Shasha said putting his hand onto her leg, only to get slapped in the face.

"You mean to tell us that you ordered her for yourself and not for Vegeta?" Zarbon asked.

Shasha laughed and then said, "No, I would never order anything for Vegeta! He sleep vith my wife, he stick his tongue out at me behind my back and he bosses everyone around! Who does he think he is, Sultan of Planet Frieza? Czar of Planet Frieza? The Emper…"

"Ok we get it! What are we going to do with her?" Appule asked.

"Allow me to talk to her since she know no English," Shasha said.

For this we have decided to put English subtitles up, since it might be easier and more relaxing to get the point across in English for the people that are reading this story!

"_Hello, my name is Shasha Michliv, I am Cyrillican like yourself! Do you want to make love to me all night long?"_ Shasha asked.

She slapped him again, "_No, I want to know where the university is! I want to go to school, learn to become a tutor for deaf people and take ballet class if it's available!" _the woman said.

"What did she say?" Zarbon asked.

"Forget it we won't be able to get anywhere with Shasha interpreting her!" Appule said.

"You don't even know what she says!" Shasha said.

"Please... like you are even a good interpreter?" Appule said.

"I wonder if Vegeta doesn't want her, I'll take her!" Nappa thought getting giggly. Everyone just ignored him, that dumb idiot!

"She say she vants to go to university, tutor deaf people and take ballet classes!" Shasha said.

"We're not running a service here! We ordered her off the internet so that she can marry Vegeta and soften him up!" Appule said.

"This isn't service, you do as ve say or else you go back to Planet Cyrillic you hear me!" Shasha yelled at the woman in English by mistake.

That "innocent" Primal Changeling woman from Planet Cyrillic lifted an eyebrow because she could not understand English, or Shasha's bad English with this thick Russian accent! "Что? Я не понимаю тебя! Какая свинья ты!" she said spitting on the floor.

Zarbon was shocked at how impolite and crude this woman was, she was beautiful beyond words, but she spat on the floor! Frieza would beat Zarbon with a broom if he was caught spitting on the floor! Perhaps Shasha did not want to tell Zarbon and friends that she called him a pig for yelling at her in English. "She say that I'm so handsome and smell good!" Shasha said lying.

Everyone rolled their eyes; they knew Shasha was lying even though they could not understand a word the girl was saying. Shasha then cleared his throat and said, "Давай принцесс...скажите мне что ты хочешь сказать!"

The girl thought for a moment, then said in Russian, «Давайте поидём на дискотеку пожалуйста!»

Shasha told them, "Take me to dance club then, I want to live rest of my life out as free woman before I become slave!"

"Fine, let's go talk to Cui and see if he can come up with an invention since he's so good at science and math!" Zarbon said.

They walked away from Shasha, as if Shasha translating for them was a complete waste of time! Shasha was the only person that could understand Cyrillic Russian, so why the heck could they not trust him? Because Shasha was horrible at lying and because even when he told the truth, it was doubtful that he would be given the benefit of the doubt…that's why!

They went to Cui and took the girl with them, Nappa followed them to Cui! Nobody seemed to care that Nappa was still following them, they were so focused on what they were going to do with this girl that they didn't have time to explain to him that her language barrier was more of an issue than they thought. They figured he would make matters worse and would ruin everything.

After all Appule paid him the money they needed to pay him with to keep to set him up with her, but he had not completed the job! There was a language barrier that need to be taken care of, and this all happened, until somewhere along the lines, Nappa talked too much. He couldn't help himself, he wanted to take this girl home with him in his room and shag her all night long!

"So what should I say to her? Do I tell her how pretty she is and how she would make a wonderful mother for my babies?" Nappa asked.

"You don't have any children Nappa!" Zarbon said.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" Appule asked.

Zarbon then took it upon himself to ask telepathically to Appule about Nappa still being in their presence, since Nappa was not telepathic, "You paid him right?" Zarbon asked telepathically to Appule.

"Of course I did, but he hasn't left and I asked him to leave a while back and to let us introduce her to Vegeta instead of him, but he hasn't left. Should we be concerned?" Appule asked telepathically back.

"Don't worry even if Nappa tries to kidnap her, he won't get very far with her. Primal Changeling women don't just submit to anyone, they according to Frieza at least and what I witness with Miretta and Shasha courting one another, have the tendency to know whether or not someone is worth spending the rest of their lives with, and they do this violent mating ritual dance, as my sister said…"

"Zarbon, you have no idea how Primal Changelings actually mate do you?" Appule said telepathically.

"No not really," Zarbon said telepathically. Why would he? He was raised by other alien species, not by Primal Changelings.

Cui came into the room with a chart and a pen, he examined the girl like a doctor would, although he did not have a medical license, "Let's see here, she doesn't speak English, she doesn't speak Japanese, and she only speaks Cyrillic Russian?" Cui asked.

"Yes, and it's annoying too, Shasha sucks as an interpreter!" Appule said.

"Ok fine, I will come up with an invention that will translate for you so that you can use it when you ask her what she wants!" Cui said.

"How is she going to know what we are saying then?" Zarbon asked.

"She won't, I have to work on your translators as well." Cui said.

"How long is that going to take?" Appule asked.

"More like two weeks with yours, and a couple of days with her's, so come back in two days and we will get hers put under her skin." Cui said.

"When am I going to introduce her to Vegeta?" Nappa asked.

Cui looked at Nappa and then asked, "What is he doing here?"

"Vegeta told us to pay Nappa to introduce this girl to him, because he was too shy to meet her by himself, and he thought Raddiz was too busy to do that, but that was before we found out she couldn't speak English." Zarbon said.

Cui raised his eyebrow, he could not believe that Zarbon and Appule were flat out lying to him! He was also telepathic like Zarbon and Appule, he knew they were lying, but he kept quiet for their sake. "Ok…did you hear that Nappa, you are no longer needed, go back to your apartment and wait for us to bring her by for Vegeta." Cui said.

"But that will take forever!" Nappa said.

"Out I say!" Cui said pointing to the door.

"Fine, I hate you!" Nappa said going to the sliding doors and exiting as the sliding doors closed back behind him.

Couple of days later, Cui was able to come up with a chip, while the girl stayed with Appule in his apartment since he was the only person Zarbon trusted her around. She could not stay with Zarbon, Zarbon of course would never hurt her, but he did not want to take any chances lusting after her and getting into another cultural issue with another Primal Changeling woman.

When the time had come to put the invention to the test, Cui had Zarbon and Appule bring the girl in, knocked her out good and well with sleeping pills, and inserted a chip into her skin. Before he did, he then put the translator onto English, after the task was done and over with, they waited for her to wake up.

Nappa came into the room and sat down with them, nobody knew why he was still here. They already told him to back off, then they decided to just pretend he was not here. Chances are they knew he was looking for her after she went missing for a couple of days, and after Nappa constantly knocked on Zarbon's door asking him where the girl was and if he could talk with her.

She woke up and she said, "What happened?" In British sounding English! It's almost like she didn't know Russian or speak it! It made her sound like she spoke perfect English!

"Wow it really does work!" Appule said.

"This is the smartest thing you have done in a long time!" Zarbon said hugging Cui!

"Where is the dance club? I want to go to a dance club!" She said.

"Well don't just stand there, take the women to a dance club!" Cui said.

Zarbon and Appule did not get out much, but they decided to take the woman to a dance club, before she became their "slave for life."

Zarbon and Appule took the Cyrillic woman to a dance club and the best thing of all was that she had a translator that translated into English each time she spoke. Don't ask how this worked, this is alien stuff that is beyond the narrator's comprehension. Anyways, they were at that dance club in Downtown Planet Frieza, on the other side of the planet!

The woman was sitting at the bar with them, "So how do we pick up girls?" Appule asked.

"I'm not here to pick up anyone, I'm just here because "Miss I don't speak English" wants to dance!" Zarbon said crossing his arms in a pouty kind of way.

The girl drank a huge amount of alcohol, the hugest amount that Zarbon had ever seen a girl drink in his life! He was not around girls enough to really understand how prone they were to drinking huge amounts of liquor! He was just so shocked and disappointed! Then this song came on and the Cyrillic woman got up and started dancing, "Yes this, my song!" She said dancing.

The song went something like this, _"All you girls in the crowd, stand up and say out loud! Planet Cyrillic, lillic, illlic, illic, illic!" _

It was the most annoying thing Zarbon and Appule had ever listened to in their lives; it was like a bad song that played on the radio and got stuck in your head for days! Yes this song was rather stupid, for once in his life, Zarbon was glad that Frieza sheltered him from the real world, that Frieza gave him music from Planet Earth 2 to listen to, like the Beatles, Deaf Leopard, David Bowie and even Kiss!

Appule got mad and yelled shaking his fist, "How can you live with yourself?"

Then things turned ugly when the girl jumped off the table and fell onto the floor, Zarbon felt badly that she seemed to hurt herself, "Oh my God! Are you all right?" He asked horrified, running over and helping her up.

"Thank you so much! I don't know what you are saying to me at all, but I hope that you somehow know that I am ever so grateful to you! If there is anything I can do for you than just say it, my instincts will catch up to it!" the girl said through her English translator chip in her arm.

Zarbon smiled and then said, "Well…" before he could finish…she showed up!

Yes when I mean her, I mean that hot-headed ex-anteater alien girlfriend of Zarbon's! His childhood friend that was raised with him under Frieza, the one that he used to hang out with before she got pregnant by her trainer, married her trainer and had a daughter with him! That was all in the past, by then Liya was widowed, motherless and even a political prisoner more-so than she used to feel.

Zarbon gulped, "Liya what are you doing here?" he asked.

"I want to know why you are helping that bitch!" Liya yelled.

"Why aren't you having dinner with my sister? Miretta said that…Oh shit I forgot that I was supposed to babysit this evening while you two went out to dinner!" Zarbon said slapping his hand on his head.

"Which is why I came to look for you, your sister suggested to look downtown in case you somehow happened to wonder too far off from the Palace Grounds, now why are you helping this bitch?" Liya asked.

"We don't go out anymore Liya how many times do I have to tell you! Don't be jealous, I was just helping her!" Zarbon said.

"Yes, such a gentleman... aren't you? Why don't you just kill yourself if you can't be with me?" Liya yelled out.

The music stopped and people were starting at them, Zarbon smiled uncomfortably, "Liya, you're going to make a scene we need to start settling down before…"

"Wait why are you yelling?" The Cyrillic girl asked through her chip English translator, just because chip translated her every word from Russian to English, did not mean that she acquired an understanding for the English language.

"Oh my God, are you stupid? Bitch I will knock you out!" Liya yelled she then punched the poor girl in the arm!

Something busted under her arm, uh oh! The translator chip broke, which means that she would not be able to be understood by Zarbon and friends! Even though Zarbon was telepathic, he wouldn't have understood what she was thinking. She thought in the Cyrillic language, not in English, Japanese or French. She probably did not think in the now still studied, but dead language of the Primal Changelings.

"Кто думаешь ты? Ты корова королевя!" The Cyrillic girl asked getting angry with Liya!

"Uh oh, the chip it's broken!" Appule yelled.

"God damn it Liya, now we won't be able to understand a word she is saying!" Zarbon said impatiently!

"Who cares, I want to punch her evermore!" Liya said cracking her knuckles.

"Давай Сука! Давай Танцуем!" The girl beckoned to Liya.

The girls then started to cat fight and it got really ugly quickly! Of course since the Cyrillic girl was a Primal Changeling born on the Primal Changeling colonized planet of Planet Cyrillic, she could transform into an ugly creature…just like Shasha and Zarbon could!

The girl grew hideous, about six feet tall, spikes came out of her back meaning she was fully matured even though Primal Changelings lived a ridiculously long time. Liya was not afraid, she grew six feet tall, and an extra jaw. Liya's teeth grew sharp in both of her jaws, this was the first time Appule had ever seen Liya like this, but this wasn't a surprise to Zarbon! It all came back to him, those ages ago.

That one time he clumsily and shyly courted another Primal Changeling woman and could not decide if she was his "true love" or not. The woman caught onto it and took him behind a rock to mate with him. It got strange when she transformed and wanted him to transform back, to show how much of a "good husband and daddy he would make".

Zarbon usually transformed to defend himself, not to mate! He thought this was so strange and changed his mind immediately since this cultural value for Primal Changelings was too much for him to understand, although they were the same species. Shasha never officially had the "mating ritual" talk with Zarbon, yes the birds and the bees, but that talk was actually given to him by Appule and Cui.

Liya caught them behind the rock, threw a jealous temper tantrum for no reason at all since Zarbon and Liya were not dating at the time, and transformed into what she was now transformed into. She tried to kill Darla, the name of Zarbon's "love interest". Zarbon knew he had to save her from Liya's two jaws threatening to rip Darla apart.

Zarbon transformed to intimidate Liya, but Frieza caught all three of them and broke the fight up. Frieza was sunbathing behind the rock and heard all the commotion, as of why he didn't break this up sooner? Beat's me! Maybe he wanted Zarbon to strangle Darla? Maybe he wanted Liya to kill Darla?

Back to the present, Zarbon now knew he had to save that Russian-speaking Cyrillic girl from being ripped to shreds by Liya, but this time he didn't have to transform, instead he decided to think more strategically. He punched Liya in one of her jaws and then pinned her to the ground.

Liya was surprised with Zarbon, and looked helplessly up at him, "Zarbon, I…"

"Don't hurt her, she didn't do anything to you! Just get out of here before I rip you to shreds!" Zarbon yelled losing his temper.

Liya began to tear up and then when Zarbon let go of her, she ran out of the dance club crying. The Cyrillic girl transformed back into her normal looking form, and she seemed so tired that she passed out on the floor!

"We have one down Zarbon!" Appule yelled.

"Come on, let's take her back to the palace before word gets out!" Zarbon said picking the girl up, putting her over his shoulders and taking her back to the palace with Appule.

Nappa had followed them all night, and back home. He waited until they got back to the place and put the girl to bed. He had a plan, a very convoluted but great plan!

Stay tooned next time for the conclusion of this adventure!


End file.
